WORST RECORD OF THE YEAR: Jessie J - Do It Like A Dude
Cringeworthy, crass, white girl rap. Apparently Jessie J is the "Sound of 2011". If thats the case, then i want to go deaf before the end of January. This record is a true abomination of simple human decency because it celebrates all the traditional traits of male aggression by saying its fine as long as its women being aggressive. The painful truth is that is a sad indictment of British society however you look at it, whether its males being cock-driven morons or women trying to ape them. Having a record to celebrate this does nothing that should be commended.
Runner Up: Ellie Goulding - Your Song
This is a perfect example of how to resurrect a dying career. Eight months after all the hype surrounding Ellie Goulding being the Sound of 2010 has died off, she was left staring at obscurity until some bright spark at the record company had an idea - why not record a predictable swoopy acoustic cover of an Elton John song? The bundle it on the flopped Lights album to try and boost the sales of that? This is despite the fact that this couldn't be further from the music which got her all the critical attention in the first place. In terms of selling out, you couldn't get any more sold. Then of course, we'll get the song used on a Christmas advert and laugh all the way to the bank....
HEARTSINK ARTIST OF THE YEAR: Rihanna
I honestly thought the British public had got over the Rihanna craze once the hype eventually died down from the Good Girl Gone Bad album, but after the relative failure of Rated R, she has returned with a new album which seems to be entirely made of radio-friendly songs about sex, which is truly dispicable. The lyrical content of tracks like Rudeboy, Hard and Whats My Name are just vile. There have been artists who have recorded songs with thinly veiled meanings in the past, but none are as blatantly crass as a single verse of Rudeboy. If Britain wants to be outraged about children being exposed to explicit sexual material, then Rihanna should be held up as the worst offender. Perhaps her earnings should be offset against the cost of catering to the social needs of Britains teenage parents.
WORST BROADCASTER OF THE YEAR: Steve Wright (BBC Radio 2)
Also a frontrunner in the Biggest Head category, Radio 2's lumbering dinosaur and his "Big Show" are becoming an embarassment. Nobody can deny the fact that Wright is still doing the same show he was doing on Radio 1 in the early 90s, just with the characters replaced by the Factoids. Ahh yes, the Craptoids. The raison d'etre for a feature like this should be that it runs for a minute or so before the audience gets bored and preferably it should have some entertainment value. Steve Wright's version has neither of these aspects - the feature feels like it goes on for hours and is painfully dull.
MOST STUPID EARWORM OF THE YEAR: Cheryl Cole - Promise This
I've never really understood the appeal of Cheryl Cole's brand of tedium-pop, and this vaguely half-decent song was totally ruined by the tribal styled chanting of "Alouetta-etta-etta" which was only included to make the song appeal to three year olds and their mental equivalents. 2010 was hopefully the year at which this earworm mania reached its peak, what with Taio Cruz (ai-o-galileo on Dynamite), Katy Perry (the California Girls lyric replacement programme for when you're bored of writing proper words) and the utterly vile Willow Smith (Whipping her hair back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth).
THE APPLE AWARD FOR SERVICES TO KILL THE MUSIC INDUSTRY: Jay-Z
If there is one person who seems to be completely creatively spent, it is Jay-Z. None of his output as an artist, producer or puppet master in the past eighteen months has shown any spark of inspiration, just a lame retreading of previous works. We can only take so much lazy, repetitive lyrical work about how fantastic it is to be Jay-Z and as rich as Bill Gates. In signing "artists" like Willow Smith and recording heavily autotune-laden tracks with choruses made from a single line repeated over and over and over and over and over until they stick in your brain like a crack addict's craving.
Monday, 10 January 2011
Thursday, 6 January 2011
THE JOPI AWARDS for 2010
Lets see how many paragraphs of positivity i can manage...
SONG OF THE YEAR: DJ Rebel & FTW - You Can Call Me Al (FTW Radio Edit / Extended Versions)
As with 2009, this is awarded to the record which most made me sit up and take notice in 2010. This was a record i obtained in the traditional way, from the bargain bin of a branch of Free Record Shop (i think in Geel) for the huge sum of €0,20. The lead track mixed by DJ Rebel is useless - the awful synth brass ruins it. The second, mixed by Frank T Wallace (FTW) completely supercedes it in every way being the epitome of everything a proper cover version should be, offering something new and fresh to the original. From the opening menacing chord, the tone is set for something far more dramatic than you'd expect on a throwaway dance single. The vocals are subtley different to Paul Simon's originals without tons of processing or overproduction. Then we get to the main instrumental hook of the song which is just phenomenal and blows me away every time. In a year where dance music in the mainstream media has died on its arse, this was one of a very small number of highlights.
Worthwhile mentions: Das Pop - Wings is just beautiful. The Bloody Beetroots - Warp 1977 was the year's most brilliantly stark assault on the ears.
SINGLE OF THE YEAR: Manic Street Preachers - Its Not War (Just The End of Love)
Single of the Year is awarded to a brilliant song which arrived as part of a proper CD single EP, offering four different and interesting tracks. The sheer variety of the tracks on the single was impressive, ranging from the expansive lead track to the skiffle-stomp of I'm Leaving You for Solitude, the political indie of Distractions and an accomplished instrumental in Ostpolitik. This was the lead single from their album Postcards from a Young Man, but the song attracted a relatively small level of airplay considering how good it was.
Worthwhile mentions: Barely any this year. I've ordered the follow-up MSP single (Some Kind of Nothingness) on the strength of this one, but most of the physical format singles i bought during 2010 were bargain bin wonders. No music retailer seems to show any interest any more.
ALBUM OF THE YEAR: Das Pop - Das Pop
Although it wasn't released during 2010, i discovered this album during the year hence why it makes this list. Das Pop's 2009 album is a work of straightforward pop with dark edges and occasional irregular patterns that make it work on daytime radio or as something to provoke thought. The album is packed with hooks and ideas which leave most artists (particularly those in the British mainstream) standing. Of course, as it can't be pidgeonholed as Dubstep, Radio 1 aren't interested. Sadly, even 6Music seems determined to ignore a band which should be spot on for their remit. The good news is that they spent most of 2010 working on a new album which should hopefully see the light during 2011, so perhaps they'll retain this accolade?
RADIO STATION OF THE YEAR: Studio Brussel (Belgium)
It really is difficult to fault Belgium's Studio Brussel who take this award for the second year. The problem i have is that no British broadcaster delivers a consisitently good product in the same way as StuBru. It is extrememely rare that i have a "Quick! Turn it off!" moment with Studio Brussel in the way that i do with the likes of Fearne Cotton, Steve Wright, Nick Grimshaw, Heart or Chris Evans. They also seem to adhere to their remit a lot better than most British broadcasters, a massively diverse playlist of new and old music without the boundaries of cool or demographics which seem to blight output from these shores. If you want a quick window on the StuBru world, a good place to start is their weekly listener vote show De Afrekening, which is helpfully available in its entirety as a podcast.
MUSIC RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: Ken Bruce on Radio 2
This is a bit of a curved ball. Ken Bruce is quietly making himself indispensable on Radio 2 amidst the myriad of shite that the station is putting out otherwise during daytimes. Chris Evans is busy growing his ego again (i give him six months at the most before he implodes again), Jeremy Vine simply regurgitates the Daily Mail for two hours and Steve Wright is patronising and delivering a stale, lame donkey of a show. Between all of this, Ken Bruce is doing a fine job on the morning show without shouting about it. From the PopMaster quiz where music anoraks join together each morning to shout at the radio, we get cast into the mysterious 10:30 to 11am slot where any playlist seems to get cast aside and it quite often features long unheard ten or twelve minute tracks in their entirety. Its a fascinating show which can easily pass you by if you're not thinking about it.
Worthwhile mentions: Straight to the other end of the musical spectrum, Kutski's show on Radio 1 is brilliant with a mix of new and old energised dance (i don't like using the phrase Hard Dance as it makes people think of talentless one note wonders like Lisa Lashes). Likewise, Rob da Bank makes the most consistent delivery of excellent new leftfield music every week on Radio 1's Saturday morning paperboy slot.
FACTUAL RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: The Ghost Trains of Old England (Ian Marchant, BBC Radio 4)
I've long been a fan of Ian Marchant's writing and this one-off programme on Parliamentary Trains and railway stations served once a week was the most blissful half hour of speech radio all year. Put together in the way the only Radio 4 can manage, this gently tells a story which would otherwise never been known by most people and Ian Marchant's offbeat presentation fits his subject matter perfectly. I just wish it had been extended to run as a two or three part series as it felt like there was plenty of material to justify it.
SPORT RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: Danny Baker (BBC Five Live)
Radio Five Live is at its best when it isn't taking itself too seriously. There are far too many opportunities for people to phone up broadcasters and complain about things, but not enough for them to call in and be daft. Danny Baker's Saturday show is one of the places where such irreverency is not only allowed, but positively encouraged. Until his illness enforced sabbatical from the programme in the autumn Baker had been on fine form, never running short of the eclectic barrage of superb quality ideas that fill the programme each week. The only problem was really that there were too many to keep track of. Aside from a few weeks after Danny went public with his cacner treatment, Alan Davies and Ian Stone have been sitting in for the show and doing a sterling job keeping the Pirate Ship afloat in the manner to which the regular listeners have become accusomed. Nevertheless, i hope Danny makes a swift and strong recovery.
Worthwhile mention: Chappers and Dave have reunited to host the erratically scheduled Soccer Express on some Monday evenings. Being only a half hour slot, the show tends to feel like it is just getting in to its stride as it finishes.
COMEDY RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: Mark Steel's In Town (Radio 4)
On paper, this should be merely average. The premise is that Mark Steel visits a town usually considered something of a backwater and does a stand up show, which would be fairly lame if it weren't for Steel's meticulous research. It must be a very daunting prospect coming to a town as an outsider and presenting a stand up routine on local history, events and politics, but Mark Steel not only pulls it off, but does so with massive success.
Worthwhile mentions: It had to happen eventually, 2010 was the year i finally started getting my head around Bleak Expectations. Lucy Montgomery's Variety Pack was on the verge of brilliant, but let down by a couple of duff sketches.
BROADCASTER OF THE YEAR: Richard Allinson (BBC Radio 2 / Cumbria)
Richard Allinson is a remarkably talented man. He can make Steve Wright's show listenable. This is mainly because he dispenses with all the fluff, cheering, Craptoids and general ego stroking and just gets on with playing some decent music with intelligent chatter in between. Its just a shame he was only doing it as an interim measure. I suppose its enough to make do with having his early breakfast show on weekends, plus my recent discovery of his "Allinson's Albums" show on BBC Cumbria which deserves promotion to national coverage because there aren't enough programmes where the presenters can talk in an erudite manner about the music without talking all over it. Some of on the Albums show is refreshingly edgy for BBC Local Radio too. Richard Allinson is consistently one of the best voices to listen to on radio.
LIVE ACT OF THE YEAR: Dan le Sac vs Scroobius Pip
Dan and Pip are one of the most entertaining live acts you'll see. So few British hip-hop acts have anything even approaching a personality, and those that do let their ego get away with themselves. Despite the fact that they've been touring and working for several years now, Pip still has a considerable fire in his belly and numerous messages to spur his creativity into action. Their second album was a bit patchy and lacked the overall flow and consistency of the first, but when performed live each track feels much punchier.
MUSIC RETAILER OF THE YEAR: Free Record Shop
If a trio of countries without a musical heritage as rich as Britain can sustain a chain of the quality of Free Record Shop, then why is HMV closing stores and looking to be on the verge of giving up high street retail entirely? I know that the market for physical format music and multimedia is falling and what there is stands dominated by the supermarkets, but the Benelux chain seems to keep its market position whilst providing a better range of music in a small town store than HMV can manage in their larger stores.
HOPE FOR 2011...
I'd like to think that people would finally realise that Dubstep is brainless dreck devoid of any emotion, but given that most of the population seem to be happy to love whatever is foist upon them by a desperate music industry on the brink of oblivion, then perhaps i should just let them get on with it. Perhaps i should have a more realistic hope, such as the realisation by Radio 1's playlist morons that the entire populous doesn't see more traditional guitar based indie bands as uncool. But i won't hold my breath.
SONG OF THE YEAR: DJ Rebel & FTW - You Can Call Me Al (FTW Radio Edit / Extended Versions)
As with 2009, this is awarded to the record which most made me sit up and take notice in 2010. This was a record i obtained in the traditional way, from the bargain bin of a branch of Free Record Shop (i think in Geel) for the huge sum of €0,20. The lead track mixed by DJ Rebel is useless - the awful synth brass ruins it. The second, mixed by Frank T Wallace (FTW) completely supercedes it in every way being the epitome of everything a proper cover version should be, offering something new and fresh to the original. From the opening menacing chord, the tone is set for something far more dramatic than you'd expect on a throwaway dance single. The vocals are subtley different to Paul Simon's originals without tons of processing or overproduction. Then we get to the main instrumental hook of the song which is just phenomenal and blows me away every time. In a year where dance music in the mainstream media has died on its arse, this was one of a very small number of highlights.
Worthwhile mentions: Das Pop - Wings is just beautiful. The Bloody Beetroots - Warp 1977 was the year's most brilliantly stark assault on the ears.
SINGLE OF THE YEAR: Manic Street Preachers - Its Not War (Just The End of Love)
Single of the Year is awarded to a brilliant song which arrived as part of a proper CD single EP, offering four different and interesting tracks. The sheer variety of the tracks on the single was impressive, ranging from the expansive lead track to the skiffle-stomp of I'm Leaving You for Solitude, the political indie of Distractions and an accomplished instrumental in Ostpolitik. This was the lead single from their album Postcards from a Young Man, but the song attracted a relatively small level of airplay considering how good it was.
Worthwhile mentions: Barely any this year. I've ordered the follow-up MSP single (Some Kind of Nothingness) on the strength of this one, but most of the physical format singles i bought during 2010 were bargain bin wonders. No music retailer seems to show any interest any more.
ALBUM OF THE YEAR: Das Pop - Das Pop
Although it wasn't released during 2010, i discovered this album during the year hence why it makes this list. Das Pop's 2009 album is a work of straightforward pop with dark edges and occasional irregular patterns that make it work on daytime radio or as something to provoke thought. The album is packed with hooks and ideas which leave most artists (particularly those in the British mainstream) standing. Of course, as it can't be pidgeonholed as Dubstep, Radio 1 aren't interested. Sadly, even 6Music seems determined to ignore a band which should be spot on for their remit. The good news is that they spent most of 2010 working on a new album which should hopefully see the light during 2011, so perhaps they'll retain this accolade?
RADIO STATION OF THE YEAR: Studio Brussel (Belgium)
It really is difficult to fault Belgium's Studio Brussel who take this award for the second year. The problem i have is that no British broadcaster delivers a consisitently good product in the same way as StuBru. It is extrememely rare that i have a "Quick! Turn it off!" moment with Studio Brussel in the way that i do with the likes of Fearne Cotton, Steve Wright, Nick Grimshaw, Heart or Chris Evans. They also seem to adhere to their remit a lot better than most British broadcasters, a massively diverse playlist of new and old music without the boundaries of cool or demographics which seem to blight output from these shores. If you want a quick window on the StuBru world, a good place to start is their weekly listener vote show De Afrekening, which is helpfully available in its entirety as a podcast.
MUSIC RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: Ken Bruce on Radio 2
This is a bit of a curved ball. Ken Bruce is quietly making himself indispensable on Radio 2 amidst the myriad of shite that the station is putting out otherwise during daytimes. Chris Evans is busy growing his ego again (i give him six months at the most before he implodes again), Jeremy Vine simply regurgitates the Daily Mail for two hours and Steve Wright is patronising and delivering a stale, lame donkey of a show. Between all of this, Ken Bruce is doing a fine job on the morning show without shouting about it. From the PopMaster quiz where music anoraks join together each morning to shout at the radio, we get cast into the mysterious 10:30 to 11am slot where any playlist seems to get cast aside and it quite often features long unheard ten or twelve minute tracks in their entirety. Its a fascinating show which can easily pass you by if you're not thinking about it.
Worthwhile mentions: Straight to the other end of the musical spectrum, Kutski's show on Radio 1 is brilliant with a mix of new and old energised dance (i don't like using the phrase Hard Dance as it makes people think of talentless one note wonders like Lisa Lashes). Likewise, Rob da Bank makes the most consistent delivery of excellent new leftfield music every week on Radio 1's Saturday morning paperboy slot.
FACTUAL RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: The Ghost Trains of Old England (Ian Marchant, BBC Radio 4)
I've long been a fan of Ian Marchant's writing and this one-off programme on Parliamentary Trains and railway stations served once a week was the most blissful half hour of speech radio all year. Put together in the way the only Radio 4 can manage, this gently tells a story which would otherwise never been known by most people and Ian Marchant's offbeat presentation fits his subject matter perfectly. I just wish it had been extended to run as a two or three part series as it felt like there was plenty of material to justify it.
SPORT RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: Danny Baker (BBC Five Live)
Radio Five Live is at its best when it isn't taking itself too seriously. There are far too many opportunities for people to phone up broadcasters and complain about things, but not enough for them to call in and be daft. Danny Baker's Saturday show is one of the places where such irreverency is not only allowed, but positively encouraged. Until his illness enforced sabbatical from the programme in the autumn Baker had been on fine form, never running short of the eclectic barrage of superb quality ideas that fill the programme each week. The only problem was really that there were too many to keep track of. Aside from a few weeks after Danny went public with his cacner treatment, Alan Davies and Ian Stone have been sitting in for the show and doing a sterling job keeping the Pirate Ship afloat in the manner to which the regular listeners have become accusomed. Nevertheless, i hope Danny makes a swift and strong recovery.
Worthwhile mention: Chappers and Dave have reunited to host the erratically scheduled Soccer Express on some Monday evenings. Being only a half hour slot, the show tends to feel like it is just getting in to its stride as it finishes.
COMEDY RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: Mark Steel's In Town (Radio 4)
On paper, this should be merely average. The premise is that Mark Steel visits a town usually considered something of a backwater and does a stand up show, which would be fairly lame if it weren't for Steel's meticulous research. It must be a very daunting prospect coming to a town as an outsider and presenting a stand up routine on local history, events and politics, but Mark Steel not only pulls it off, but does so with massive success.
Worthwhile mentions: It had to happen eventually, 2010 was the year i finally started getting my head around Bleak Expectations. Lucy Montgomery's Variety Pack was on the verge of brilliant, but let down by a couple of duff sketches.
BROADCASTER OF THE YEAR: Richard Allinson (BBC Radio 2 / Cumbria)
Richard Allinson is a remarkably talented man. He can make Steve Wright's show listenable. This is mainly because he dispenses with all the fluff, cheering, Craptoids and general ego stroking and just gets on with playing some decent music with intelligent chatter in between. Its just a shame he was only doing it as an interim measure. I suppose its enough to make do with having his early breakfast show on weekends, plus my recent discovery of his "Allinson's Albums" show on BBC Cumbria which deserves promotion to national coverage because there aren't enough programmes where the presenters can talk in an erudite manner about the music without talking all over it. Some of on the Albums show is refreshingly edgy for BBC Local Radio too. Richard Allinson is consistently one of the best voices to listen to on radio.
LIVE ACT OF THE YEAR: Dan le Sac vs Scroobius Pip
Dan and Pip are one of the most entertaining live acts you'll see. So few British hip-hop acts have anything even approaching a personality, and those that do let their ego get away with themselves. Despite the fact that they've been touring and working for several years now, Pip still has a considerable fire in his belly and numerous messages to spur his creativity into action. Their second album was a bit patchy and lacked the overall flow and consistency of the first, but when performed live each track feels much punchier.
MUSIC RETAILER OF THE YEAR: Free Record Shop
If a trio of countries without a musical heritage as rich as Britain can sustain a chain of the quality of Free Record Shop, then why is HMV closing stores and looking to be on the verge of giving up high street retail entirely? I know that the market for physical format music and multimedia is falling and what there is stands dominated by the supermarkets, but the Benelux chain seems to keep its market position whilst providing a better range of music in a small town store than HMV can manage in their larger stores.
HOPE FOR 2011...
I'd like to think that people would finally realise that Dubstep is brainless dreck devoid of any emotion, but given that most of the population seem to be happy to love whatever is foist upon them by a desperate music industry on the brink of oblivion, then perhaps i should just let them get on with it. Perhaps i should have a more realistic hope, such as the realisation by Radio 1's playlist morons that the entire populous doesn't see more traditional guitar based indie bands as uncool. But i won't hold my breath.
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
Wireless Class: End of Term Report
I feel like i should do some sort of end of year retrospective on the year's radio output before i do the Jopi Awards in the new year. This is going to start off taking the form of an end of term report, but will probably lose that structure and disappear up its own backside before i finish.
Form: The British Broadcasting Corporation's Radio One service
Programme: Dev, early breakfast Mon-Fri
I didn't warm to Dev when he first started on Radio 1. I found his output very weak local commerial radio fodder and his attitude to the content of the show very passive. Sixteen months on and i'm still not a big fan, but he has clearly progressed on from his shaky beginnings. The problem remains that he is trying to come out of the shadow of the current golden child of Radio 1 namely Greg James, whose transition from the early breakfast slot to afternoons has been thoroughly solid. It has felt that Dev has spent a lot of the time trying to ape the antics and style of Greg James instead of trying to find his own voice.
Overall, B+ for effort and C for overall product.
Programme: The Christopher Moyles Show, breakfast Mon-Fri
Chris Moyles is becoming somewhat enigmatic to me. I've listened to a good number of his pre-Breakfast programmes over the year and been astounded at how edgy, fresh and exciting they are. Obviously it is easier to be anti-establishment when you're not on one of the most listened to programmes on the wireless, but it is starting to feel like Chris and the team are resting on their laurels a little. There is no doubt that the programme is incredibly well prepared and that Chris is still passionate about it, but the team on the whole are now family-orientated rather than being the collection of hungover party animals they were seven or eight years ago. The shows in the run up to Christmas were bordering on the irritating with the number of off-mic jokes that were spilling over into airtime without any explaination being given, or where there were giggles for the next quarter of an hour. Listeners don't mind that sort of thing every so often, but when it starts happening after every record and news bulletin, it starts to get infuriating.
2011 will be a challenging year for the Moyles show. Chris has already shown signs of becoming a little too much of a celebrity luvvy and with Comedy Dave taking part in celebrity backslapping exercise Dancing on Ice, the show could be pushed over the edge. The show needs to come back from its Christmas break on absolutely stellar form to avoid falling further into the mire.
I'll offer a B for both effort and overall product.
Programme: Fearne Cotton, mornings Mon-Fri
Where do i start? Fearne Cotton is still the most annoying of the mainstream presenters on Radio 1. Her banal obsessions with things that only pubescent teenagers should be concerned with (such as Twilight, Glee and the like) are pure radio pain. It doesn't help when she then buggers off for several weeks because she gets a better offer from the TV. I've got to admit, the continued existence of this programme has been the main reason i've been listening to Ken Bruce so much in the mornings.
Effort: D-, Overall G.
Programme: Gregory James, afternoons Mon-Fri
Greg James has settled in to afternoons in terrific style. It feels like the show is brimming over with ideas (Feet-up Friday, The Square, Ten Minute Takeover, The Alphabet Game) and the whole thing is executed in style. Radio 1 desperately needs more people with this sort of level of invention and they need more presenters who don't just make listeners turn off immediately (see Fearne Cotton, above). If this means not just putting people on the air because they're "him/her off the telly", then that can only be a good thing.
Effort: B, Overall A.
Programme: Scott Mills, drivetime Mon-Fri
Scott Mills' programme has been spending most of 2010 turning into three hours of oestrogen. Whilst i don't find sidekick Becky Huxtable particularly annoying, the two of them together can start to sound like they're texting each other using their mouths when they get excited. The show desperately needs the Chappers-style figure to keep some grumpy sense amongst the madness when they start to get carried away with being teenagers.
The structure of the show also feels like it has struggled since the guessing game quiz "Oh, Whats Occurring?" in the summer. It has gone a bit freeform since then and whilst a lot of the same content appears in the show as used to in OWO?, it no longer appears to have any point other than being a bit of fluff to be played with by a kitten.
Effort grade: C. Overall output: B-.
Programme: Zane Lowe, Mon-Thur evenings.
Zane Lowe's energy appears to be still as high as ever and his enthusiasm for music is permanently set to 11. Of course, he doesn't always have music good enough to match his level of enthusiasm, but that doesn't ever seem to worry him and he'll do the best with whatever he's got to work with. His voice stands as being unique amongst the daily presenters as actually holding some gravitas when talking about music.
Effort grade: A-, overall product: B+.
Radio 1 specialist shows:
Alex Metric.
Alex Metric deserves a mention here, despite the fact that he has now left the fold at Radio 1. His superb monthly show in the In New DJs We Trust strand has featured a superb collection of dance and electronica based music which should be part of the main Radio 1 playlist instead of the acres of American dreck it overheavily features. Alex Metric also has a stylish flair for on air presentation which i will miss.
Rob da Bank
Rob da Bank's Saturday morning chillout show is still fantastic. He has an ear for the off-beat which is unmatched on British radio and the show is superbly put together. Add Rob's chilled tones to the mix and you have an ideal show for the early morning shift.
Kutski
I'm something of a newcomer to Kutski's show after discovering it a month or so back. Its a terrific mix of energised hardcore dance and it has become a staple requirement of my weekly radio diet.
See? I got through the whole of the Radio 1 form report without mentioning how shit Sara Cox still is.
Form: The British Broadcasting Corporation's Radio Two service
Programme: Ken Bruce, Mon-Fri mornings
For those who simply cannot cope with Fearne Cotton (and there have got to be millions of you out there), Ken Bruce has what sounds like the most effortless programme on radio. The truth is probably that a mixture of 18 years of experience and a lot of background work make the show sound that brilliant. The focus of the show has shifted over recent years to offer a more eclectic mix of music, particularly in the slot after the Popmaster quiz from 10:30 to 11am.
I've got to be honest, i barely listen to anything else on Radio 2, except when Richard Allinson is covering for the dork of the people Steve Wright. Mention should also go to Alex Lester, who is still doing good work despite being pushed even further back in to the middle of the night since the departure of That Bloody Woman.
Form: The British Broadcasting Corporation's Six-Music digital audio service
Programme: Jon Holmes, Saturday Drivetime (Its a day when nobody is driving home from work on a station you mostly can't get in your car)
I rather like 6Music on a Saturday. Collins & Herring are good fun on the morning show and Richard Bacon's afternoon show is far better than it is given credit for being. The jewel in the crown is the organised weekly lunatic festival of Jon Holmes' show. Despite being on at a dreadful time of the week, it is well worth catching on Listen Again for not only Holmes' brilliant sense of humour but also the randomly superb 6Music playlist.
By far the edgiest daytime radio programme i've listened to all year, the only improvement it needs is for Jon to take fewer holidays...
Right, now i probably should mention these before i go to bed...
BBC Radio Bristol - Steve Yabsley: Still brilliantly funny and the new interview strand can be very informative.
Absolute Radio - Dave Gorman: The best 6Music show that isn't on 6Music and possibly the only reason to listen to Absolute Radio.
That'll have to do for now...
Form: The British Broadcasting Corporation's Radio One service
Programme: Dev, early breakfast Mon-Fri
I didn't warm to Dev when he first started on Radio 1. I found his output very weak local commerial radio fodder and his attitude to the content of the show very passive. Sixteen months on and i'm still not a big fan, but he has clearly progressed on from his shaky beginnings. The problem remains that he is trying to come out of the shadow of the current golden child of Radio 1 namely Greg James, whose transition from the early breakfast slot to afternoons has been thoroughly solid. It has felt that Dev has spent a lot of the time trying to ape the antics and style of Greg James instead of trying to find his own voice.
Overall, B+ for effort and C for overall product.
Programme: The Christopher Moyles Show, breakfast Mon-Fri
Chris Moyles is becoming somewhat enigmatic to me. I've listened to a good number of his pre-Breakfast programmes over the year and been astounded at how edgy, fresh and exciting they are. Obviously it is easier to be anti-establishment when you're not on one of the most listened to programmes on the wireless, but it is starting to feel like Chris and the team are resting on their laurels a little. There is no doubt that the programme is incredibly well prepared and that Chris is still passionate about it, but the team on the whole are now family-orientated rather than being the collection of hungover party animals they were seven or eight years ago. The shows in the run up to Christmas were bordering on the irritating with the number of off-mic jokes that were spilling over into airtime without any explaination being given, or where there were giggles for the next quarter of an hour. Listeners don't mind that sort of thing every so often, but when it starts happening after every record and news bulletin, it starts to get infuriating.
2011 will be a challenging year for the Moyles show. Chris has already shown signs of becoming a little too much of a celebrity luvvy and with Comedy Dave taking part in celebrity backslapping exercise Dancing on Ice, the show could be pushed over the edge. The show needs to come back from its Christmas break on absolutely stellar form to avoid falling further into the mire.
I'll offer a B for both effort and overall product.
Programme: Fearne Cotton, mornings Mon-Fri
Where do i start? Fearne Cotton is still the most annoying of the mainstream presenters on Radio 1. Her banal obsessions with things that only pubescent teenagers should be concerned with (such as Twilight, Glee and the like) are pure radio pain. It doesn't help when she then buggers off for several weeks because she gets a better offer from the TV. I've got to admit, the continued existence of this programme has been the main reason i've been listening to Ken Bruce so much in the mornings.
Effort: D-, Overall G.
Programme: Gregory James, afternoons Mon-Fri
Greg James has settled in to afternoons in terrific style. It feels like the show is brimming over with ideas (Feet-up Friday, The Square, Ten Minute Takeover, The Alphabet Game) and the whole thing is executed in style. Radio 1 desperately needs more people with this sort of level of invention and they need more presenters who don't just make listeners turn off immediately (see Fearne Cotton, above). If this means not just putting people on the air because they're "him/her off the telly", then that can only be a good thing.
Effort: B, Overall A.
Programme: Scott Mills, drivetime Mon-Fri
Scott Mills' programme has been spending most of 2010 turning into three hours of oestrogen. Whilst i don't find sidekick Becky Huxtable particularly annoying, the two of them together can start to sound like they're texting each other using their mouths when they get excited. The show desperately needs the Chappers-style figure to keep some grumpy sense amongst the madness when they start to get carried away with being teenagers.
The structure of the show also feels like it has struggled since the guessing game quiz "Oh, Whats Occurring?" in the summer. It has gone a bit freeform since then and whilst a lot of the same content appears in the show as used to in OWO?, it no longer appears to have any point other than being a bit of fluff to be played with by a kitten.
Effort grade: C. Overall output: B-.
Programme: Zane Lowe, Mon-Thur evenings.
Zane Lowe's energy appears to be still as high as ever and his enthusiasm for music is permanently set to 11. Of course, he doesn't always have music good enough to match his level of enthusiasm, but that doesn't ever seem to worry him and he'll do the best with whatever he's got to work with. His voice stands as being unique amongst the daily presenters as actually holding some gravitas when talking about music.
Effort grade: A-, overall product: B+.
Radio 1 specialist shows:
Alex Metric.
Alex Metric deserves a mention here, despite the fact that he has now left the fold at Radio 1. His superb monthly show in the In New DJs We Trust strand has featured a superb collection of dance and electronica based music which should be part of the main Radio 1 playlist instead of the acres of American dreck it overheavily features. Alex Metric also has a stylish flair for on air presentation which i will miss.
Rob da Bank
Rob da Bank's Saturday morning chillout show is still fantastic. He has an ear for the off-beat which is unmatched on British radio and the show is superbly put together. Add Rob's chilled tones to the mix and you have an ideal show for the early morning shift.
Kutski
I'm something of a newcomer to Kutski's show after discovering it a month or so back. Its a terrific mix of energised hardcore dance and it has become a staple requirement of my weekly radio diet.
See? I got through the whole of the Radio 1 form report without mentioning how shit Sara Cox still is.
Form: The British Broadcasting Corporation's Radio Two service
Programme: Ken Bruce, Mon-Fri mornings
For those who simply cannot cope with Fearne Cotton (and there have got to be millions of you out there), Ken Bruce has what sounds like the most effortless programme on radio. The truth is probably that a mixture of 18 years of experience and a lot of background work make the show sound that brilliant. The focus of the show has shifted over recent years to offer a more eclectic mix of music, particularly in the slot after the Popmaster quiz from 10:30 to 11am.
I've got to be honest, i barely listen to anything else on Radio 2, except when Richard Allinson is covering for the dork of the people Steve Wright. Mention should also go to Alex Lester, who is still doing good work despite being pushed even further back in to the middle of the night since the departure of That Bloody Woman.
Form: The British Broadcasting Corporation's Six-Music digital audio service
Programme: Jon Holmes, Saturday Drivetime (Its a day when nobody is driving home from work on a station you mostly can't get in your car)
I rather like 6Music on a Saturday. Collins & Herring are good fun on the morning show and Richard Bacon's afternoon show is far better than it is given credit for being. The jewel in the crown is the organised weekly lunatic festival of Jon Holmes' show. Despite being on at a dreadful time of the week, it is well worth catching on Listen Again for not only Holmes' brilliant sense of humour but also the randomly superb 6Music playlist.
By far the edgiest daytime radio programme i've listened to all year, the only improvement it needs is for Jon to take fewer holidays...
Right, now i probably should mention these before i go to bed...
BBC Radio Bristol - Steve Yabsley: Still brilliantly funny and the new interview strand can be very informative.
Absolute Radio - Dave Gorman: The best 6Music show that isn't on 6Music and possibly the only reason to listen to Absolute Radio.
That'll have to do for now...
Monday, 22 November 2010
The "Stop the World" Moment
Every so often, a piece of music comes along which blows your mind and this for me is a "stop the world" moment. Very few of my favourite songs started out as favourites, it takes something really amazing for it to be instant for me. Then there is the other side of the coin, the "fuck me, this is terrible" moment.
At the moment, Jay-Z seems to be responsible for more airwave pollution than anybody else. The last Alicia Keys album was dreary, Beyonce hasn't done anything worthwhile since 2006 and all the while he's turning up new ever more shite artists at a rate not seen since Jonathan Rotem was doing it last year. The latest is brilliant, because she's already famous by default.
Willow Smith is the daughter of Will Smith. She's ten years old and has already been taught how to pout (see the Wikipedia picture if you don't believe me). Best of all, she's recorded a record called "Whip My Hair" on which she sings a bit between incessant blasts of an earworm so dumb that even Cher Lloyd would refuse it. Her singing isn't bad, just utterly banal. Its like having had a song written by Taylor Swift on a day when she's had writers block. She may as well be singing "tra-la-laa" all the way through.
So anyway, stop the world. I've had enough of this factory farmed American shit and i want to get off.
At the moment, Jay-Z seems to be responsible for more airwave pollution than anybody else. The last Alicia Keys album was dreary, Beyonce hasn't done anything worthwhile since 2006 and all the while he's turning up new ever more shite artists at a rate not seen since Jonathan Rotem was doing it last year. The latest is brilliant, because she's already famous by default.
Willow Smith is the daughter of Will Smith. She's ten years old and has already been taught how to pout (see the Wikipedia picture if you don't believe me). Best of all, she's recorded a record called "Whip My Hair" on which she sings a bit between incessant blasts of an earworm so dumb that even Cher Lloyd would refuse it. Her singing isn't bad, just utterly banal. Its like having had a song written by Taylor Swift on a day when she's had writers block. She may as well be singing "tra-la-laa" all the way through.
So anyway, stop the world. I've had enough of this factory farmed American shit and i want to get off.
Friday, 19 November 2010
Meanwhile on the Light Programme...
Perhaps Radio 1's obsession with bland dubstep is finally getting to me or perhaps its just the sort of thing that goes in cycles, but i've been listening to Radio 2 a bit more recently.
It all started when i was trying to find something better than Fearne Cotton between the end of Chris Moyles at 10am and the start of Kisstory at 11am on Kiss 101. I rediscovered my love of obscure pop trivia with Ken Bruce's Popmaster quiz which is good fun for musical anoraks, although can be a bit cringeworthy as every caller says hello to "everyone who knows me", a la Victor Lewis-Smith's Local Radio sketch for Loose Ends.
Under normal circumstances, it would probably have ended there, but Radio 1 appear to have decided that Sara Cox is the perfect stand in for absolutely everybody on the weekday daytime schedule, the latest casualty being Scott Mills. Unfortunately the usual, almost tolerable twaddle that comes out of Mills and sidekick Becky becomes infuriating when Cox sits in. I started scanning around the radio for something else. Radio 2 is normally out because its Steve Wright and His Massive Ego with four hours of Craptoids in each three hour show. Kiss and Heart both suffer from the terrible ILR presenter syndrome.
This left me with Radio Bristol (which is intolerably bland during the afternoon), Jack (music driven and fairly varied) or Star. Now its been a very long time since i've listened to Star for anything over a few minutes and the first thing i noticed was how heavy with advertising and idents the programming is. Its a shame because the playlist is quite widely varied (unlike competitors Jack, they do actually play some new music from time to time) and the DJ (whom i believe to be Chris Criddle) was quite entertaining as opposed to the banal, opinionless cardboard that presents most ILR.
Anyway, that lasted for a few days before i discovered something important this Monday: Richard Allinson sitting in for Steve Wright all week.
There are substantial factions of people like me on t'internet who believe that Richard Allinson would have been a much better choice for the Radio 2 breakfast show than Chris Evans. I'm not sure if i entirely subscribe to this view, only for the selfish reason that it would mean he would have been on at the same time as Chris Moyles. But he should be on Radio 2 far more often, because Allinson is a friendly everyman that manages to be entertaining without being needlessly abrasive on the ears. He knows how to put a good radio show together and achieves this whenever he is given the opportunity. Before Saturday afternoons got given over to celebrities who would prefer doing TV rather than this pesky wireless stuff, Richard Allinson's show used to be a regular fixture in my listening week.
It almost goes without saying that this week, Radio 2's afternoons have been exceptionally good. Simon Mayo is also on rude form at the moment, back to his slightly spiky best that he was during his tenure as Radio 1's breakfast presenter. As long as you don't tune in before the end of the Right Wing Knee-Jerk Politics show with Jeremy Vine, its a perfectly amiable afternoon of programming. Just a shame that Steve Wright will inevitably come back. Perhaps he could do the same as That Bloody Woman* and go on holiday, never to return.
* - Sarah Kennedy, just in case you don't know.
It all started when i was trying to find something better than Fearne Cotton between the end of Chris Moyles at 10am and the start of Kisstory at 11am on Kiss 101. I rediscovered my love of obscure pop trivia with Ken Bruce's Popmaster quiz which is good fun for musical anoraks, although can be a bit cringeworthy as every caller says hello to "everyone who knows me", a la Victor Lewis-Smith's Local Radio sketch for Loose Ends.
Under normal circumstances, it would probably have ended there, but Radio 1 appear to have decided that Sara Cox is the perfect stand in for absolutely everybody on the weekday daytime schedule, the latest casualty being Scott Mills. Unfortunately the usual, almost tolerable twaddle that comes out of Mills and sidekick Becky becomes infuriating when Cox sits in. I started scanning around the radio for something else. Radio 2 is normally out because its Steve Wright and His Massive Ego with four hours of Craptoids in each three hour show. Kiss and Heart both suffer from the terrible ILR presenter syndrome.
This left me with Radio Bristol (which is intolerably bland during the afternoon), Jack (music driven and fairly varied) or Star. Now its been a very long time since i've listened to Star for anything over a few minutes and the first thing i noticed was how heavy with advertising and idents the programming is. Its a shame because the playlist is quite widely varied (unlike competitors Jack, they do actually play some new music from time to time) and the DJ (whom i believe to be Chris Criddle) was quite entertaining as opposed to the banal, opinionless cardboard that presents most ILR.
Anyway, that lasted for a few days before i discovered something important this Monday: Richard Allinson sitting in for Steve Wright all week.
There are substantial factions of people like me on t'internet who believe that Richard Allinson would have been a much better choice for the Radio 2 breakfast show than Chris Evans. I'm not sure if i entirely subscribe to this view, only for the selfish reason that it would mean he would have been on at the same time as Chris Moyles. But he should be on Radio 2 far more often, because Allinson is a friendly everyman that manages to be entertaining without being needlessly abrasive on the ears. He knows how to put a good radio show together and achieves this whenever he is given the opportunity. Before Saturday afternoons got given over to celebrities who would prefer doing TV rather than this pesky wireless stuff, Richard Allinson's show used to be a regular fixture in my listening week.
It almost goes without saying that this week, Radio 2's afternoons have been exceptionally good. Simon Mayo is also on rude form at the moment, back to his slightly spiky best that he was during his tenure as Radio 1's breakfast presenter. As long as you don't tune in before the end of the Right Wing Knee-Jerk Politics show with Jeremy Vine, its a perfectly amiable afternoon of programming. Just a shame that Steve Wright will inevitably come back. Perhaps he could do the same as That Bloody Woman* and go on holiday, never to return.
* - Sarah Kennedy, just in case you don't know.
Saturday, 30 October 2010
Monsters, Demons and (to quote Vincent Kennedy McMahon) Bottom Feeders.
I haven't done any reviews for ages, but don't let that fool you in to thinking i don't care any more...
My Chemical Romance - Nanana
My first thoughts on hearing this were that MCR have done a cover version of Andrew WK's Party Hard and to be honest the whole thing has a bit of an AWK vibe running through it. The problem for me is that MCR have now done the whole overdramatic thing to death. It came to its peak with Welcome to the Black Parade and just feels a bit contrived now. Surely you can't be multi-millionaires and have that much teenage angst still going on?
Linkin Park - Waiting For The End
Now if My Chemical Romance sound like they're resting on their laurels and failing to make any innovation, this sounds so comparatively laid back and traditional that i first thought that it must a typo and supposed to say it was performed by Linkin Park's Dads. Apparently not. As soon as Cheerful Chester's vocals kick in, the whole thing is recognisable, but a bit off putting. If nothing else, it is an interesting departure for Linkin Park. I doubt it will win them many new fans, but could cost them quite a few existing ones if the whole album is this downtempo lark.
Interpol - Barricade
Another band who have noticably changed their sound are Interpol. Previously merchants of highly polished, snarling electro-indie-rock, new track Barricade sees them in a much more lo-fi mood without the layers of production.
Customs - Shut Up, Narcissus
Perhaps i've become so desperate to hear proper music that when i do hear something good, it sounds incredible. The endless wander of the British music industry towards Americanised reality show music and increasingly slimy R&B and Hip Hop originating from both sides of the Atlantic is now apparently unstoppable. Even when we come up with a decent act, they'll only get minimal airtime because they don't fit in with the specific genres that the zombified populous love. Hence the success of radio stations like Heart. ANYWAY. Customs are fucking brilliant and Shut Up, Narcissus is unbelievably superb, catchy, chorus led indie pop the likes of which we haven't heard for a very long time. Imagine if Editors were a really cheerful bunch and wanted a song to play at the end of a party so that everyone would remember it forever. That is how good this song is. Customs should be on the main playlist of every radio station in the country, including Radio 3, but because they're not ten year old girls singing about sex or from a reality show, we're not allowed to like them in the UK.
...and breathe...
Kings of Leon - Radioactive
Oh deep joy. The worlds most boring rock band is back. And their comeback single isn't actually very good, but still the Great British Media falls over themselves to proclaim them as the new Jesus. Radioactive a mid-tempo, middle of the road, average, bland, boring, tedious, uneventful and stagnant wander through the land of yawn. They've even put some boring water on the record cover.
Cheryl Cole - Promise This
The latest cacophony of stupid earworms starts as soon as the record does with all this tribal-chanting Alo-etta bollocks. What is really sad is that underneath there is almost a decent song trying to get out. Potentially a half decent bit of speed-pop, it is ruined by the needless addition of elements to appeal to idiots. Expect to hear officeworkers in the queue for lunch humming the earworm bit as a demonstration of how brainwashed they have become, much like they did with Katy Perry's California Gurls.
Mike Posner - Cooler Than Me
Officially the new Sara Bareilles, Mike Posner is the latest one hit wonder to come out of American daytime radio. Cooler Than Me is a monothemed synth laded song, but it works because its a fairly original idea and it is performed with conviction.
Rihanna - The Only Girl In The World
Even if you were, i still wouldn't listen to your records. You have the most horrible, whiny voice of anyone to have ever recorded themselves.
Roll Deep & Alesha Dixon - Take Control
Please stop now. Roll Deep have roped in Alesha Dixon for this entirely unneccessary record. Its another painfully awful tome about clubbing, partying and blah blah blah. The first one sounded forced and soulless and this is worse, just milking the joyless weekend routine of a generation who don't have the imagination to decide themselves what is enjoyable, so just get hammered every weekend instead. Complete cack.
Taylor Swift - Mine
This sounds like every other Taylor Swift record. It has a cover like every other Taylor Swift record. It has a video like every other Taylor Swift record. Completely banal, syruppy toss. Perhaps she should do a collaboration with the Kings of Leon.
Haddaway featuring Eminem and Lil Wayne - No Love
Its not really a Haddaway record. Which is a shame. They could have re-released Catch A Fire, that would have been nice. Sadly, we're left with Eminem at his preachy, self indulgent worst and the most talentless man in music, Lil Wayne. Wayne has no rhythm, no flow, no ability to write anything with meaning and no fans with an IQ higher than two. I remember when people called Wayne were ridiculed for coming from Essex. Now we're supposed to buy records with them on? What ever is the world coming to?
The Black Eyed Peas - The Time
Imagine the forced jollity of I Gotta Feelin' over a cover version of I've Had The Time of My Life by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes. Horrible, isn't it? And if you can't imagine it, the Black Eyed Peas have done it for you.
Sleigh Bells - Infinity Guitars
Lo-fi nonsense. Girls shouting. Scratchy guitars. Repetitive (and overly loud) drums. If you like all of these things, then you'll love this record. It is a complete mess, trying to sound garagey, underground and like it hasn't been produced properly when in fact it's probably had millions spent on polishing the turd up to make it sound like that. I'm willing to bet that at least one of them used to be in Hepburn.
My Chemical Romance - Nanana
My first thoughts on hearing this were that MCR have done a cover version of Andrew WK's Party Hard and to be honest the whole thing has a bit of an AWK vibe running through it. The problem for me is that MCR have now done the whole overdramatic thing to death. It came to its peak with Welcome to the Black Parade and just feels a bit contrived now. Surely you can't be multi-millionaires and have that much teenage angst still going on?
Linkin Park - Waiting For The End
Now if My Chemical Romance sound like they're resting on their laurels and failing to make any innovation, this sounds so comparatively laid back and traditional that i first thought that it must a typo and supposed to say it was performed by Linkin Park's Dads. Apparently not. As soon as Cheerful Chester's vocals kick in, the whole thing is recognisable, but a bit off putting. If nothing else, it is an interesting departure for Linkin Park. I doubt it will win them many new fans, but could cost them quite a few existing ones if the whole album is this downtempo lark.
Interpol - Barricade
Another band who have noticably changed their sound are Interpol. Previously merchants of highly polished, snarling electro-indie-rock, new track Barricade sees them in a much more lo-fi mood without the layers of production.
Customs - Shut Up, Narcissus
Perhaps i've become so desperate to hear proper music that when i do hear something good, it sounds incredible. The endless wander of the British music industry towards Americanised reality show music and increasingly slimy R&B and Hip Hop originating from both sides of the Atlantic is now apparently unstoppable. Even when we come up with a decent act, they'll only get minimal airtime because they don't fit in with the specific genres that the zombified populous love. Hence the success of radio stations like Heart. ANYWAY. Customs are fucking brilliant and Shut Up, Narcissus is unbelievably superb, catchy, chorus led indie pop the likes of which we haven't heard for a very long time. Imagine if Editors were a really cheerful bunch and wanted a song to play at the end of a party so that everyone would remember it forever. That is how good this song is. Customs should be on the main playlist of every radio station in the country, including Radio 3, but because they're not ten year old girls singing about sex or from a reality show, we're not allowed to like them in the UK.
...and breathe...
Kings of Leon - Radioactive
Oh deep joy. The worlds most boring rock band is back. And their comeback single isn't actually very good, but still the Great British Media falls over themselves to proclaim them as the new Jesus. Radioactive a mid-tempo, middle of the road, average, bland, boring, tedious, uneventful and stagnant wander through the land of yawn. They've even put some boring water on the record cover.
Cheryl Cole - Promise This
The latest cacophony of stupid earworms starts as soon as the record does with all this tribal-chanting Alo-etta bollocks. What is really sad is that underneath there is almost a decent song trying to get out. Potentially a half decent bit of speed-pop, it is ruined by the needless addition of elements to appeal to idiots. Expect to hear officeworkers in the queue for lunch humming the earworm bit as a demonstration of how brainwashed they have become, much like they did with Katy Perry's California Gurls.
Mike Posner - Cooler Than Me
Officially the new Sara Bareilles, Mike Posner is the latest one hit wonder to come out of American daytime radio. Cooler Than Me is a monothemed synth laded song, but it works because its a fairly original idea and it is performed with conviction.
Rihanna - The Only Girl In The World
Even if you were, i still wouldn't listen to your records. You have the most horrible, whiny voice of anyone to have ever recorded themselves.
Roll Deep & Alesha Dixon - Take Control
Please stop now. Roll Deep have roped in Alesha Dixon for this entirely unneccessary record. Its another painfully awful tome about clubbing, partying and blah blah blah. The first one sounded forced and soulless and this is worse, just milking the joyless weekend routine of a generation who don't have the imagination to decide themselves what is enjoyable, so just get hammered every weekend instead. Complete cack.
Taylor Swift - Mine
This sounds like every other Taylor Swift record. It has a cover like every other Taylor Swift record. It has a video like every other Taylor Swift record. Completely banal, syruppy toss. Perhaps she should do a collaboration with the Kings of Leon.
Haddaway featuring Eminem and Lil Wayne - No Love
Its not really a Haddaway record. Which is a shame. They could have re-released Catch A Fire, that would have been nice. Sadly, we're left with Eminem at his preachy, self indulgent worst and the most talentless man in music, Lil Wayne. Wayne has no rhythm, no flow, no ability to write anything with meaning and no fans with an IQ higher than two. I remember when people called Wayne were ridiculed for coming from Essex. Now we're supposed to buy records with them on? What ever is the world coming to?
The Black Eyed Peas - The Time
Imagine the forced jollity of I Gotta Feelin' over a cover version of I've Had The Time of My Life by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes. Horrible, isn't it? And if you can't imagine it, the Black Eyed Peas have done it for you.
Sleigh Bells - Infinity Guitars
Lo-fi nonsense. Girls shouting. Scratchy guitars. Repetitive (and overly loud) drums. If you like all of these things, then you'll love this record. It is a complete mess, trying to sound garagey, underground and like it hasn't been produced properly when in fact it's probably had millions spent on polishing the turd up to make it sound like that. I'm willing to bet that at least one of them used to be in Hepburn.
Friday, 8 October 2010
On "Dub~Step"
I've tried. I've tried really bloody hard. I can find a positive in most genres of music and usually the odd act i can tolerate, but Dubstep is shit. Whats worse is how Radio 1's presenting staff seem to be pushing it as if there is no tomorrow and gushing over how painfully brilliant every last farting bleep is, when it is blatantly balls.
The latest golden children of Dubstep are Magnetic Man and Katy B. Heavens be praised, they've recorded a single together which is boring. No other word for it. They even went to the trouble of recording a session performance with loads of live strings which sounded as though a lot of work had gone in to it, but the fact remains that you can't polish a turd and the song is still tedious. Katy B also wimped out of doing the high bits, but put in an otherwise decent performance. It probably lasted for about three minutes, but felt like it went on in excess of a fortnight, wallowing from one swoopy effect to the next.
In fairness, i already hated both Magnetic Man and Katy B's debut singles before i heard this one. The former (I Need Air) using some of the most painfully irritating vocal effects of all time. It was one song that i felt rather than air, needed asphyxiation.
I really do wonder what the hell the playlist morons are on at Radio 1. (Hello Aled Haydn Jones.) They are missing some really good music at the moment, simply because the playlist group seem to be on a mission to remove anything with guitars, hooks and (dare i even say it) choruses from the airwaves between 97 and 99. Instead we get binges of weak dance music (Tim Berg's Seek Bromance - yawwwwwwn), boring dubstep and cringeworthy urban slop from 1Xtra.
That brings me neatly on to my second subject for today. I have quite liked Tinie Tempah when he's been on with Chris Moyles. He comes across as quite a decent sort of chap. But his music is just awful. Passout was the anthem for binge drinking twelve year olds. Frisky was the anthem for pregnant twelve year olds. And his latest collaboration with Swedish House Mafia seems to have been written by a twelve year old going through puberty in three minutes. Its slimy, nasty and utterly embarassing.
To finish with a line that could have been written for a party conference: Britain needs better. And Britain can do better.
There. Who da statesman, aiii?
The latest golden children of Dubstep are Magnetic Man and Katy B. Heavens be praised, they've recorded a single together which is boring. No other word for it. They even went to the trouble of recording a session performance with loads of live strings which sounded as though a lot of work had gone in to it, but the fact remains that you can't polish a turd and the song is still tedious. Katy B also wimped out of doing the high bits, but put in an otherwise decent performance. It probably lasted for about three minutes, but felt like it went on in excess of a fortnight, wallowing from one swoopy effect to the next.
In fairness, i already hated both Magnetic Man and Katy B's debut singles before i heard this one. The former (I Need Air) using some of the most painfully irritating vocal effects of all time. It was one song that i felt rather than air, needed asphyxiation.
I really do wonder what the hell the playlist morons are on at Radio 1. (Hello Aled Haydn Jones.) They are missing some really good music at the moment, simply because the playlist group seem to be on a mission to remove anything with guitars, hooks and (dare i even say it) choruses from the airwaves between 97 and 99. Instead we get binges of weak dance music (Tim Berg's Seek Bromance - yawwwwwwn), boring dubstep and cringeworthy urban slop from 1Xtra.
That brings me neatly on to my second subject for today. I have quite liked Tinie Tempah when he's been on with Chris Moyles. He comes across as quite a decent sort of chap. But his music is just awful. Passout was the anthem for binge drinking twelve year olds. Frisky was the anthem for pregnant twelve year olds. And his latest collaboration with Swedish House Mafia seems to have been written by a twelve year old going through puberty in three minutes. Its slimy, nasty and utterly embarassing.
To finish with a line that could have been written for a party conference: Britain needs better. And Britain can do better.
There. Who da statesman, aiii?
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