Escala. There. I typed it. Without projectile vomiting all over the room. I have many reasons for hating them:
1. Bad miming - Britain's Got Talent (25th May 09), saw the first reprise performance of a previous act and they were it, doing an attrocious Classic FM cover of Led Zepplin's "Kashmir". Seriously, Puff Daddy added more to it when doing his "Come With Me" adaptation.
2. Bad choice of covers - anybody who sees fit to do piss poor covers of Robert Miles' "Children" and Rob Dougan's "Clubbed to Death" which have none of the power of the originals need shooting. With poison darts. Poison darts that will promote a lingering and painful death.
3. Gurning - yes, you're miming badly with a violin and however many faces you pull it doesn't make you sexy, attractive or in the slightest part talented.
4. Success - because Britain is so dumb that this album will probably sell millions. Probably to people who own iPods.
5. Duplicity - have we all forgotten about Bond then?
6. Name - At their first audition, they named themselves as "Scala", thus duplicating the name of the off-beat etheral choral covers group from Belgium, masterminded by the Kolancy Brothers. If you can't even check if your band name has been taken yet, you can't give that much of a shit about what you're doing. I know! I'm going to form a band called Oasis!
So there you go, before buying Escala's album, ensure you buy EVERY other album ever produced because it'll be a more worthwhile use of your time, money and attention span. That includes "My First Album" by Lolly, "Fiesta Macarena" by Los Del Rio and even "Pretty Odd" by Panic at the Disco.
Monday 25 May 2009
Tuesday 19 May 2009
Dumbing Up
A few years ago it was all the rage to accuse any and every media outlet of "dumbing down", a process by which (usually in order to appeal to a larger market) programmes and publications lower their expectations of the knowledge and or capacity for learning of their audience. There is still the odd murmur of such issues on "Points of View" or "The TV Show", but by and large the media has moved on to other issues, normally concerning the marital status of ladies with enhanced breasts.
It wasn't just the populist media that was accused of dumbing down, even the likes of BBC Radio 4 were occasionally accused of insulting their audience with a small number of comedy series which didn't suit the traditional 18:30 audience. A few years down the line, and having heard four of the five current offerings in the (now firmly established) tea-time comedy slot, Radio 4 is not only entertaining, but delightfully engaging.
As this is a Tuesday night, and the only one missing in my knowledge Wednesday's fantasy spoof "Elvenquest", we'll start with Thursday's "Hut 33". This slightly formulaic sitcom is rather traditional recalling a great number of series past, few of which have made a major impact, but having come to the series halfway through without any previous knowledge, the characters are easily picked up and the situations (set around the comings and goings of wartime codebreakers at Bletchley) are gently comic and entertaining. The series certainly beats a number of unintelligible and confusing sitcoms which have appeared and disappeared over recent years.
Friday sees the long standing tradition of "The News Quiz" which continues in the same vein of political and current affairs satire that it has done for several decades. Admittedly the show isn't quite as formalised as it was back in the eighties, but the level of the subject matter tackled is still respectably high. Current popular panelists are reliable performers, with the likes of Andy Hamilton, Frances Wheen and Jeremy Hardy being expertly directed by current chair Sandi Toksvig, who graduated to the head of the table when Simon Hoggart retired.
Across the weekend now to Monday, with "The Museum of Curiosity". This series introduces three guests each week who offer an exhibit to the museum and the guests are certainly an eclectic mixture of comedians, authors, poets, scientists, artists, historians and probably many others i've forgotten. On paper, the show sounds like half an hour of tedium, but the guests speak about their donations to the museum with such infectious enthusiasm and passion that the show exceeds all expectations and works beautifully. The show is presented by the Yin and Yang duo of John Lloyd and Sean Lock, with occasional direction from Bill Bailey who (given his high profile and regard) is rather quiet during the programme. There were some raised eyebrows at the concept of the programme when it was first commissioned and reviewers clearly didn't quite know what to make of it when it first appeared, but it has now found its feet and the key to its success - passionate, knowledgeable contributors able to deliver several entertaining minutes on their subject matter.
Tuesday continues in a similar vein. "Heresy" is now well established as a reliably performing programme which gives educated opposition to received opinion in a gentle everything you think you know is wrong format. Victoria Coren provides a well informed voice of direction in the show formerly chaired by David Baddiel and a panel similarly structured to that of "The Museum of Curiosity", with a slightly stronger bias towards comedians and humourists.
Perhaps i've been listening to Radio 1 too much recently, but the intellectual stimulation provided in the tea time comedy slot on Radio 4 looks to me like a definite move noted by the rather clumsy current slogan "Radio for Curious Minds: BBC Radio 4". Long may the curious minds find their entertainment in this refuge from the gloss and glitter of everyday life.
It wasn't just the populist media that was accused of dumbing down, even the likes of BBC Radio 4 were occasionally accused of insulting their audience with a small number of comedy series which didn't suit the traditional 18:30 audience. A few years down the line, and having heard four of the five current offerings in the (now firmly established) tea-time comedy slot, Radio 4 is not only entertaining, but delightfully engaging.
As this is a Tuesday night, and the only one missing in my knowledge Wednesday's fantasy spoof "Elvenquest", we'll start with Thursday's "Hut 33". This slightly formulaic sitcom is rather traditional recalling a great number of series past, few of which have made a major impact, but having come to the series halfway through without any previous knowledge, the characters are easily picked up and the situations (set around the comings and goings of wartime codebreakers at Bletchley) are gently comic and entertaining. The series certainly beats a number of unintelligible and confusing sitcoms which have appeared and disappeared over recent years.
Friday sees the long standing tradition of "The News Quiz" which continues in the same vein of political and current affairs satire that it has done for several decades. Admittedly the show isn't quite as formalised as it was back in the eighties, but the level of the subject matter tackled is still respectably high. Current popular panelists are reliable performers, with the likes of Andy Hamilton, Frances Wheen and Jeremy Hardy being expertly directed by current chair Sandi Toksvig, who graduated to the head of the table when Simon Hoggart retired.
Across the weekend now to Monday, with "The Museum of Curiosity". This series introduces three guests each week who offer an exhibit to the museum and the guests are certainly an eclectic mixture of comedians, authors, poets, scientists, artists, historians and probably many others i've forgotten. On paper, the show sounds like half an hour of tedium, but the guests speak about their donations to the museum with such infectious enthusiasm and passion that the show exceeds all expectations and works beautifully. The show is presented by the Yin and Yang duo of John Lloyd and Sean Lock, with occasional direction from Bill Bailey who (given his high profile and regard) is rather quiet during the programme. There were some raised eyebrows at the concept of the programme when it was first commissioned and reviewers clearly didn't quite know what to make of it when it first appeared, but it has now found its feet and the key to its success - passionate, knowledgeable contributors able to deliver several entertaining minutes on their subject matter.
Tuesday continues in a similar vein. "Heresy" is now well established as a reliably performing programme which gives educated opposition to received opinion in a gentle everything you think you know is wrong format. Victoria Coren provides a well informed voice of direction in the show formerly chaired by David Baddiel and a panel similarly structured to that of "The Museum of Curiosity", with a slightly stronger bias towards comedians and humourists.
Perhaps i've been listening to Radio 1 too much recently, but the intellectual stimulation provided in the tea time comedy slot on Radio 4 looks to me like a definite move noted by the rather clumsy current slogan "Radio for Curious Minds: BBC Radio 4". Long may the curious minds find their entertainment in this refuge from the gloss and glitter of everyday life.
Thursday 14 May 2009
Bored. Stop now.
Its another collection of single reviews. The title refers to the first review...
Little Boots - New In Town (679/Atlantic)
Laptop pop stops here. The genre is officially five songs old and completely exhausted of ideas. The best idea left is apparently this dire shitbag rehash of Pink's "Feel Good Time" with el generico "we're going out" lyrics, some abysmal electronica (to make it qualify for the Laptop Pop tag) and no imagination whatsoever.
La Roux - In For The Kill / Bulletproof (Polydor)
More Laptop Pop. Sadly, La Roux (Elly Jackson to her friends) has missed the target with both of these songs. Both have promising musical structure and verses, but the sheer triteness of the choruses takes some stomaching; "I'm going in for the kill / I'm doing it for the thrill / I'm hoping you understand / And now let go of my hand" and "This time i'll be bulletproof" (repeat three times). Its a real shame with Bulletproof as the rest of the song is rather good. The cult of shit ultra-repetitive choruses is spreading as well...
Dizzee Rascal & Armand van Helden - Bonkers (TBC)
On paper, this is a superb idea. Rolling off the back of Dizzee's success with Calvin Harris on the respectable "Dance With Me", Dizzee scripts some lyrics over an Armand van Helden tune. On the first listen it works nicely, but it just doesn't stand up to repeated listening. Dizzee has written one verse and a chorus which get repeated over and over and over. And over. It just gets utterly boring and tedious, particularly when in high rotation on Radio 1, Kiss et al. A proper wasted opportunity.
Kasabian - Fire (Paradise/BMG)
Kasabian are a band who have brought us some brilliant songs over their past two albums, but this isn't one of them. Its another case of having lots of ideas, none of them very good and trying to build a song out of them. The whole thing just sounds weak and like album filler.
Beyonce - Halo (RCA)
Another case of shit chorus syndrome, in which Beyonce sings the word "Halo" over and over again until your ears bleed. We know you're a diva with a gigantic range, but for heavens' sake employ some bloody songwriters for your next album!
Ciara & Justin Timberlake - Love, Sex and Magic (BMG)
Sometimes i wonder what i've done wrong in my life to deserve such punishment, particularly when i hear drivel like this. Unlike Ciara's previous few songs which troubled the charts, this has no hook, no redeeming features and no point to its existance. Ciara's performance has seen more processing power than Kanye West did on "Love Lockdown" and Justin Timberlake has been brought on board to sell three extra copies.
Prodigy - Warriors Dance (Take Me To The Hospital)
The best Prodigy single since "No Good (Start The Dance)" and finally a decent song after years of polishing Keith Flint's ego and pretending to be all punk. If anything could have added a bit of rave to the Nu-Rave movement, this single would have been it. Just a shame its two or three years too late.
Girls Aloud - Untouchable (Polydor)
Another Pet Shop Boys rejected b-side, eh? I give Cheryl Cole about three months before she deserts the sinking ship.
Alesha Dixon - Lets Get Excited (Asylum / Atlantic)
Just as the Alesha showboat is moving across Europe with "The Boy Does Nothing", the UK is given this rather calculated single from everybody's favourite dancer. Despite singing "Lets Get Excited" over and over, Alesha doesn't sound particularly excited and the whole thing sounds a bit plastic.
Flo-Rida & Wynter - Sugar (Atlantic)
This song has one redeeming feature - the fact that Eiffel 65 should get royalties from it.
Green Day - Know Your Enemy (Reprise)
Green Day are now sounding like rich old men trying to stay topical, trying to still be punk and failing on both counts. The previous "American Idiot" concept album which explored some interesting territory was at least inventive in deviating away from tedious plastic protest pop, but this sounds like a band very bored, resting on considerable laurels.
So there we have it. I'm very grumpy at the moment, after previously harbouring enthusiasm about some of the music that was doing the rounds over the winter.
Little Boots - New In Town (679/Atlantic)
Laptop pop stops here. The genre is officially five songs old and completely exhausted of ideas. The best idea left is apparently this dire shitbag rehash of Pink's "Feel Good Time" with el generico "we're going out" lyrics, some abysmal electronica (to make it qualify for the Laptop Pop tag) and no imagination whatsoever.
La Roux - In For The Kill / Bulletproof (Polydor)
More Laptop Pop. Sadly, La Roux (Elly Jackson to her friends) has missed the target with both of these songs. Both have promising musical structure and verses, but the sheer triteness of the choruses takes some stomaching; "I'm going in for the kill / I'm doing it for the thrill / I'm hoping you understand / And now let go of my hand" and "This time i'll be bulletproof" (repeat three times). Its a real shame with Bulletproof as the rest of the song is rather good. The cult of shit ultra-repetitive choruses is spreading as well...
Dizzee Rascal & Armand van Helden - Bonkers (TBC)
On paper, this is a superb idea. Rolling off the back of Dizzee's success with Calvin Harris on the respectable "Dance With Me", Dizzee scripts some lyrics over an Armand van Helden tune. On the first listen it works nicely, but it just doesn't stand up to repeated listening. Dizzee has written one verse and a chorus which get repeated over and over and over. And over. It just gets utterly boring and tedious, particularly when in high rotation on Radio 1, Kiss et al. A proper wasted opportunity.
Kasabian - Fire (Paradise/BMG)
Kasabian are a band who have brought us some brilliant songs over their past two albums, but this isn't one of them. Its another case of having lots of ideas, none of them very good and trying to build a song out of them. The whole thing just sounds weak and like album filler.
Beyonce - Halo (RCA)
Another case of shit chorus syndrome, in which Beyonce sings the word "Halo" over and over again until your ears bleed. We know you're a diva with a gigantic range, but for heavens' sake employ some bloody songwriters for your next album!
Ciara & Justin Timberlake - Love, Sex and Magic (BMG)
Sometimes i wonder what i've done wrong in my life to deserve such punishment, particularly when i hear drivel like this. Unlike Ciara's previous few songs which troubled the charts, this has no hook, no redeeming features and no point to its existance. Ciara's performance has seen more processing power than Kanye West did on "Love Lockdown" and Justin Timberlake has been brought on board to sell three extra copies.
Prodigy - Warriors Dance (Take Me To The Hospital)
The best Prodigy single since "No Good (Start The Dance)" and finally a decent song after years of polishing Keith Flint's ego and pretending to be all punk. If anything could have added a bit of rave to the Nu-Rave movement, this single would have been it. Just a shame its two or three years too late.
Girls Aloud - Untouchable (Polydor)
Another Pet Shop Boys rejected b-side, eh? I give Cheryl Cole about three months before she deserts the sinking ship.
Alesha Dixon - Lets Get Excited (Asylum / Atlantic)
Just as the Alesha showboat is moving across Europe with "The Boy Does Nothing", the UK is given this rather calculated single from everybody's favourite dancer. Despite singing "Lets Get Excited" over and over, Alesha doesn't sound particularly excited and the whole thing sounds a bit plastic.
Flo-Rida & Wynter - Sugar (Atlantic)
This song has one redeeming feature - the fact that Eiffel 65 should get royalties from it.
Green Day - Know Your Enemy (Reprise)
Green Day are now sounding like rich old men trying to stay topical, trying to still be punk and failing on both counts. The previous "American Idiot" concept album which explored some interesting territory was at least inventive in deviating away from tedious plastic protest pop, but this sounds like a band very bored, resting on considerable laurels.
So there we have it. I'm very grumpy at the moment, after previously harbouring enthusiasm about some of the music that was doing the rounds over the winter.
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