There used to be a time when the bit between Christmas and New Year would be a sneak preview of those radio disc-spinners who were about to graduate through to the big time and it wasn't that long ago. Sadly this year has just been a bit of a disappointment. I'll put it down to Christmas Day being on a Sunday which has left us with a distinct week between Christmas and New Years.
Dev has taken over the Radio 1 breakfast show for this week and i think its finally clicked what i find disingenuous about him. For the most part, he pretends to be a bit of a geek and avoids most of the too-cool-for-school cliches that afflict some of the Radio 1 roster, but then we'll get to a feature like the resident DJ where a listener will come on an pick singles from a specific pigeonhole. Today is One Hit Wonder Wednesday. The listener chose "Turtle Power" by Partners in Kryme, which i've got to admit i haven't heard for well over a decade and in all truth it doesn't stand up badly. Meanwhile Dev is busy ripping in to the caller, the song and saying how he thinks it'll bomb, then interrupts it half way through to say he's going to finish playing it because it has received such a good reaction on the texts. So the geek without preconceptions suddenly becomes ubercool when music is involved, and its not the first time. If you're going to play a character on the air, then you've got to follow through and not have breaks in the armour otherwise the whole thing sounds like a bad ILR.
Edith Bowman is covering for Fearne Cotton. Sorry, that should read "Edith Bowman's Show About Films". For the 90% of us who aren't obsessed with being at the cinema 24/7, nor fawning over Hollywood's most overpaid (and often undertalented), Bowman's show is interminable. And i genuinely like Edith as a presenter, its just the whole format of the Films show is painfully restrictive.
Huw Stephens is about the only future star i can see from the daytime line up. His weekend afternoon show is excellent and his enthusiasm for music always comes across as sincere. He'd make far more sense presenting the weekday morning show than Fearne Cotton does.
I've also heard some of Ryan Tubridy in for Ken Bruce on Radio 2. It doesn't really move me either way, which is probably exactly when Radio 2 is looking for - new voices to the station either have to be somebody interminably bland or somebody off the telly.
Wednesday 28 December 2011
Wednesday 7 December 2011
No More Christmas Singles
As Spitting Image once sang "No more christmas singles/ They're worse than any war/ If we hear Aled Jones again/ We'll throw up on the floor". Well it looks like they've got their wish. The good old age of the novelty christmas single is dead, as are novelty singles in their entirety if the charts of the past two years are anything to go by. What we have now is a watered down collection of stupid earworm noises looped to infinity by producers who are laughing at anyone dumb enough to buy them. Oh yes, and Rihanna singing about sex.
Anyway, some song reviews?
Katy Perry - The One That Got Away
I'll be honest. I wasn't that averse to some of the songs from Perry's first album, but this fifth single off the awful Teenage Dream album is painful. To my mind, there is something unsettling with how her songs are full of thin innuendo and fake memories of oh-so-perfect teenage years that never really happened for anyone except Danny Baker. Her videos are even worse, an open begging letter for censorship if ever there was one. And this song... Pffft. Just another collection of fake late-teenage memories from some syruppy movie.
The Only Way Is Essex - Last Christmas
Is that autotune i hear? Oh, it is. It is a pointless, cash in cover version? Affirmative. Is there any reason why anyone not requiring sectioning under the mental health act would want to listen to it? Not unless they were reviewing it.
Arianna Morgan - Songbird
Its a ten year old covering a Fleetwood Mac song. Just imagine how painful that would be unless you're a 58 year old reader of the Daily Mail.
T-Pain & Lily Allen - Five o'Clock
I should really have started this post off with something more positive, shouldn't i? I mean, i'm just sounding like a miserable, jaded old git with nothing better to do that post hatred about modern music. I blame Nero. ANYWAY. Down to business. Take around eight lines from a Lily Allen song, loop until more stale than a ten week old Kwik Save loaf, add some fucking abysmal autotune rap from Mr Pain (never has a name been more appropriate - i think his first name might be Tristram) and stretch the whole sorry shithouse out to about an hour. Or maybe it just feels like that. One of the worst records ever.
The Collective - Teardrop
We're supposed to be upbeat and positive about charity singles, no matter how awful, aren't we? The Collective are various young and happening urban types from south London (and Ms Dynamite off of the 90s) rapping about how we "shud be finkin'" about what we do and being mindful of others. I've never heard human emotion being described in such stunted terms. If this is the best you lot could do, then just don't bother next year. It ruins a perfectly good original song with lots of posturing and fake bravado.
The Wombles - Wombling Merry Christmas
Jesus. Has Mike Batt run out of pension or something?
Caution: Next one a bit political.
Military Wives Choir - You know what? I really don't care what its called.
Your husband / boyfriend / FWB joined the army. They should have known at some point there was a fairly good chance they were going to get shot at someday. They could have just taken a job in a bakery. Every corner i turn at the moment there seems to be some Help for Heroes tat or collection of drunks toasting R BWAVE BOYZ and not yet has anyone demonstrated or explained to me why they deserve my sympathy. Yet another charity record is unlikely to do so.
Dirty Mavis - Stop the HS2
Its a record campaiging against building a railway line. I wonder if they're on Ford Records, Vauxhall Records, Toyota Records....?
Anyway, some song reviews?
Katy Perry - The One That Got Away
I'll be honest. I wasn't that averse to some of the songs from Perry's first album, but this fifth single off the awful Teenage Dream album is painful. To my mind, there is something unsettling with how her songs are full of thin innuendo and fake memories of oh-so-perfect teenage years that never really happened for anyone except Danny Baker. Her videos are even worse, an open begging letter for censorship if ever there was one. And this song... Pffft. Just another collection of fake late-teenage memories from some syruppy movie.
The Only Way Is Essex - Last Christmas
Is that autotune i hear? Oh, it is. It is a pointless, cash in cover version? Affirmative. Is there any reason why anyone not requiring sectioning under the mental health act would want to listen to it? Not unless they were reviewing it.
Arianna Morgan - Songbird
Its a ten year old covering a Fleetwood Mac song. Just imagine how painful that would be unless you're a 58 year old reader of the Daily Mail.
T-Pain & Lily Allen - Five o'Clock
I should really have started this post off with something more positive, shouldn't i? I mean, i'm just sounding like a miserable, jaded old git with nothing better to do that post hatred about modern music. I blame Nero. ANYWAY. Down to business. Take around eight lines from a Lily Allen song, loop until more stale than a ten week old Kwik Save loaf, add some fucking abysmal autotune rap from Mr Pain (never has a name been more appropriate - i think his first name might be Tristram) and stretch the whole sorry shithouse out to about an hour. Or maybe it just feels like that. One of the worst records ever.
The Collective - Teardrop
We're supposed to be upbeat and positive about charity singles, no matter how awful, aren't we? The Collective are various young and happening urban types from south London (and Ms Dynamite off of the 90s) rapping about how we "shud be finkin'" about what we do and being mindful of others. I've never heard human emotion being described in such stunted terms. If this is the best you lot could do, then just don't bother next year. It ruins a perfectly good original song with lots of posturing and fake bravado.
The Wombles - Wombling Merry Christmas
Jesus. Has Mike Batt run out of pension or something?
Caution: Next one a bit political.
Military Wives Choir - You know what? I really don't care what its called.
Your husband / boyfriend / FWB joined the army. They should have known at some point there was a fairly good chance they were going to get shot at someday. They could have just taken a job in a bakery. Every corner i turn at the moment there seems to be some Help for Heroes tat or collection of drunks toasting R BWAVE BOYZ and not yet has anyone demonstrated or explained to me why they deserve my sympathy. Yet another charity record is unlikely to do so.
Dirty Mavis - Stop the HS2
Its a record campaiging against building a railway line. I wonder if they're on Ford Records, Vauxhall Records, Toyota Records....?
Monday 14 November 2011
Sending up the system
Ever since Gary Jules and Michael Andrews scored a Christmas number 1 with "Mad World" in 2003 defeating the Darkness, there has been something of an undercurrent in British popular culture in upsetting the system. This was amplified when the annual practice of sending the X-Factor winner to the festive top spot got well under way and culminated in Rage Against the Machine's "Killing in the Name" beating X-Factor victor Joe McElderry in 2009.
Of course, there was plenty of muttering that it was very convenient that a back catalogue single from Sony was up against a new single from a Sony label and thus making tons of cash for the corporation in the process. Regardless of that, the precident had been set and come 2010, a number of campaigns got under way. Biffy Clyro fans protested at then incumbent X-Factor winner, Matt Cardle and his cover of "Many of Horror"; Scott Mills orchestrated a bid to get The Trashmen's "Surfin' Bird" to the top spot and the too-cool-for-school camp was covered by a collective covering John Cage's silent piece 4'33".
Ultimately, due to the split in the market nobody managed to topple Matt Cardle from the top of the X-Factor wave.
So where does that leave the systemic sabotage? Well, its fair to say that nobody has got a campaign of any momentum together in 2011. There are a few Nirvana fans bleating that "Smells Like Teen Spirit" should be given a push, but ultimately the public feeling is that we can't be bothered this year. Which is a shame. I'd like to see the whole thing sent up properly. Perhaps resurrect a novelty single recorded for an event that has no current relevance. Or maybe we could take something deeply unfashionable that hasn't been heard since it was released. Or something that tabloid readers would find offensive.
Of course, there was plenty of muttering that it was very convenient that a back catalogue single from Sony was up against a new single from a Sony label and thus making tons of cash for the corporation in the process. Regardless of that, the precident had been set and come 2010, a number of campaigns got under way. Biffy Clyro fans protested at then incumbent X-Factor winner, Matt Cardle and his cover of "Many of Horror"; Scott Mills orchestrated a bid to get The Trashmen's "Surfin' Bird" to the top spot and the too-cool-for-school camp was covered by a collective covering John Cage's silent piece 4'33".
Ultimately, due to the split in the market nobody managed to topple Matt Cardle from the top of the X-Factor wave.
So where does that leave the systemic sabotage? Well, its fair to say that nobody has got a campaign of any momentum together in 2011. There are a few Nirvana fans bleating that "Smells Like Teen Spirit" should be given a push, but ultimately the public feeling is that we can't be bothered this year. Which is a shame. I'd like to see the whole thing sent up properly. Perhaps resurrect a novelty single recorded for an event that has no current relevance. Or maybe we could take something deeply unfashionable that hasn't been heard since it was released. Or something that tabloid readers would find offensive.
Wednesday 26 October 2011
More pointless than Pitbull
I know what you're thinking. It cannot be possible to be more pointless than the plastic party dreckery of Pitbull and his cronies, but i heard something today that was. It comes courtesy of the radio station for people who hate music, Heart.
Cue the awful synth chords that signal the intro of "Give Me Everything" by Pitbull, Neyo and their equine friend Nayer. You know whats coming, some twaddle about pictures on Kodak. But no, this is the version they play on Heart...
The version playlisted by Heart has none of Pitbull's vocals at all. Not even a hype word. Just Neyo and equine friend Nayer repeating the chorus over and over and over and over until your ears bleed. For three minutes anyway.
So there you have it, something more pointless than Pitbull - namely Pitbull without Pitbull.
Cue the awful synth chords that signal the intro of "Give Me Everything" by Pitbull, Neyo and their equine friend Nayer. You know whats coming, some twaddle about pictures on Kodak. But no, this is the version they play on Heart...
The version playlisted by Heart has none of Pitbull's vocals at all. Not even a hype word. Just Neyo and equine friend Nayer repeating the chorus over and over and over and over until your ears bleed. For three minutes anyway.
So there you have it, something more pointless than Pitbull - namely Pitbull without Pitbull.
Wednesday 5 October 2011
Another ill thought out set of radio musings...
I've changed my listening habits again. Sorry, i should have warned you. Here is what currently floats my boat or sinks it. As i don't often cover it, i'll start with the commercials.
Absolute Radio 90s (DAB / Web).
If i can't find anything else that takes my fancy then this is normally a safe bet for a short stint. Anything longer than that and you get annoyed by the hourly Oasis or Radiohead track. Despite the "no repeat workday", you'll still get at least three or four records by a number of acts though this. Its purely a music thing for me, given that the station doesn't have a massive level of advertising and the station imaging, based entirely on Matt Berry's shouty persona is distinctive. To be honest, the DJs may as well not be there.
Jack FM, Bristol (106.5 FM / Web)
Jack replaced the AOR-based, silky smooth offering of Original, which despite its failure as a product was soon reincarnated as Smooth on 107.2 (itself replacing Star, the livelier offering). The playlist is a terrific mish-mash of guitar based pop and rock from the 60s to date, with uncomplicated imaging and rarely any live voices on air. There are no DJs as such during the daytime, the only live voices heard are occasional news bulletins.
As an aside, i regret that i didn't get in to Star in Bristol sooner. The station had its flaws (the level of advertising was horrific), but the presenters were lively and the music at least modern. I only discovered it when Sara Cox was sitting in for Scott Mills one afternoon and i couldn't bare listening to her self-absorbed waffle. I had intended to record a few hours of the afternoon drivetime show, but then started seeing posters for Smooth and next time i tuned in, the format had been flipped into the new feelgood schmaltz. It was a genuine loss, as the number of ILR stations broadcasting all genres of chart music is dwindling to barely any. You can't call Heart a modern music station as over 70% of the daytime playlist is now just the same, repetitive feelgood dreck. And while i'm complaining about generic ILRs...
Kiss 101, West / South Wales (101.0 FM / DAB / Web)
Kiss has now got to the point where it epitomises everything i hate about modern culture: Terrible, slurring presenters; Awful advertising where every other spot is for chlamydia testing; Playlists dominated by American artists. The playlists on Kiss actually give a good indication of how well the music team at Radio 1 deal with balancing their output, because the most tuneless ego-driven dirge can appear on Kiss at times, again driven by American R&B performers. When i hear some of the pointless smugness that the likes of Beyonce churn out, it really does depress me that it is the only station that seems to have any connection with the teenage market.
BBC Radio Bristol / Somerset (94.9 / 95.5 FM, DAB, Web)
I'm developing something of a love for the joint output of BBC Radio Bristol and Somerset. Admittedly there is still some dung on there that needs sorting out, but there are also some gems in there. Regular readers of this blog will know i'm a fan of Steve Yabsley (M-F 12-14:00) and his subversive anarchy, but we've now also got Elise Rayner on during the afternoons (M-F 14-16:00). After quite a period of instability following the disappearance then arrest of Peter Rowell, the dismal Anna Ford initially filled in and made the whole thing sound like a gardening phone-in. Ford was then replaced by supply jock of choice James Watt who did an excellent job. Elise Rayner has now taken over (perhaps permanently, but who knows in BBC Local Radio) and is doing a sterling job and has a suave interviewing style which gets the best out of her guests. Also of note on Bristol & Somerset is Richard Lewis on Sunday mornings (10-12:00), who delivers a light hearted excavation of his foibles of the week.
BBC Radio 1 - Matt Edmondson (Wednesday 21:00, also Podcast)
They did it very quietly and nobody seemed to notice, but the Radio 1 comedy hour is back on Wednesday nights. Matt Edmondson's show is a combination of sketches, interviews, production trickery and music. Some of it is quite juvenile, but that massively appeals to my sense of humour, especially seeing as nobody is doing anything like this anywhere else on the radio to my knowledge, especially given the level of work that must go on to prepare the show compared to a normal programme.
BBC Radio 2 - Simon Mayo (M-F 17-19:00, also Highlights Podcast)
I've recently got in to Simon Mayo's Radio 2 show, which seems to be a mixture of everything he's done for the BBC - from the frivolity of Radio 1 to the informed speech from Radio 5. Cobmine all this with a sideways take on the Radio 2 playlist and the show has a distinctive feel, crammed with entertainment. Terrific stuff.
BBC Radio 2 - Richard Allinson (Sat/Sun 03-06:00)
I love Richard Allinson's effortless presenting style and freeflowing programmes. Opinion on the internet seems to be split as to whether he is a hidden Radio 2 headliner or the incarnation of Alan Partridge, but i think there is a clear line between cheesiness and everyman affability, with Allinson falling clearly in the latter category.
For my money, Radio 2 is a collection of polar opposites with the awful (Chris Evans, Jeremy Vine's shouting shop, Steve Wright, Dermot o'Leary) and the sublime (Alex Lester, Ken Bruce, Richard Allinson, Miranda Hart & Jon Holmes, Simon Mayo). You have to think about who is on before pressing the preset...
BBC Radio London - Danny Baker (Mon-Fri 14-16:00)
I'm in something of a quandry over Danny Baker. His endless stream of creativity is superb and as an inventive radio presenter there are few who can hold a candle to him. The problem is that there are a couple of aspects of his personality that raise my ire considerably, particularly his oft aired view that if he was offered a job in the USA he'd take it in the blink of an eyelid. To me that demonstrates a high level of contempt for your audience. Also his appearance of Radio 4's Desert Island Discs was excessive in ego-stroking smugness. We know you're good and we know you're popular, but thats no reason to rub the noses of your audience in the glibness of their own existence. I think there has to be a point where even the most overblown radio jock has to demonstrate some humble humility. I've mentioned Baker's London show as it is a more open show than his Saturday morning gig on 5-Live and i think of it is a less constrained format.
Absolute Radio 90s (DAB / Web).
If i can't find anything else that takes my fancy then this is normally a safe bet for a short stint. Anything longer than that and you get annoyed by the hourly Oasis or Radiohead track. Despite the "no repeat workday", you'll still get at least three or four records by a number of acts though this. Its purely a music thing for me, given that the station doesn't have a massive level of advertising and the station imaging, based entirely on Matt Berry's shouty persona is distinctive. To be honest, the DJs may as well not be there.
Jack FM, Bristol (106.5 FM / Web)
Jack replaced the AOR-based, silky smooth offering of Original, which despite its failure as a product was soon reincarnated as Smooth on 107.2 (itself replacing Star, the livelier offering). The playlist is a terrific mish-mash of guitar based pop and rock from the 60s to date, with uncomplicated imaging and rarely any live voices on air. There are no DJs as such during the daytime, the only live voices heard are occasional news bulletins.
As an aside, i regret that i didn't get in to Star in Bristol sooner. The station had its flaws (the level of advertising was horrific), but the presenters were lively and the music at least modern. I only discovered it when Sara Cox was sitting in for Scott Mills one afternoon and i couldn't bare listening to her self-absorbed waffle. I had intended to record a few hours of the afternoon drivetime show, but then started seeing posters for Smooth and next time i tuned in, the format had been flipped into the new feelgood schmaltz. It was a genuine loss, as the number of ILR stations broadcasting all genres of chart music is dwindling to barely any. You can't call Heart a modern music station as over 70% of the daytime playlist is now just the same, repetitive feelgood dreck. And while i'm complaining about generic ILRs...
Kiss 101, West / South Wales (101.0 FM / DAB / Web)
Kiss has now got to the point where it epitomises everything i hate about modern culture: Terrible, slurring presenters; Awful advertising where every other spot is for chlamydia testing; Playlists dominated by American artists. The playlists on Kiss actually give a good indication of how well the music team at Radio 1 deal with balancing their output, because the most tuneless ego-driven dirge can appear on Kiss at times, again driven by American R&B performers. When i hear some of the pointless smugness that the likes of Beyonce churn out, it really does depress me that it is the only station that seems to have any connection with the teenage market.
BBC Radio Bristol / Somerset (94.9 / 95.5 FM, DAB, Web)
I'm developing something of a love for the joint output of BBC Radio Bristol and Somerset. Admittedly there is still some dung on there that needs sorting out, but there are also some gems in there. Regular readers of this blog will know i'm a fan of Steve Yabsley (M-F 12-14:00) and his subversive anarchy, but we've now also got Elise Rayner on during the afternoons (M-F 14-16:00). After quite a period of instability following the disappearance then arrest of Peter Rowell, the dismal Anna Ford initially filled in and made the whole thing sound like a gardening phone-in. Ford was then replaced by supply jock of choice James Watt who did an excellent job. Elise Rayner has now taken over (perhaps permanently, but who knows in BBC Local Radio) and is doing a sterling job and has a suave interviewing style which gets the best out of her guests. Also of note on Bristol & Somerset is Richard Lewis on Sunday mornings (10-12:00), who delivers a light hearted excavation of his foibles of the week.
BBC Radio 1 - Matt Edmondson (Wednesday 21:00, also Podcast)
They did it very quietly and nobody seemed to notice, but the Radio 1 comedy hour is back on Wednesday nights. Matt Edmondson's show is a combination of sketches, interviews, production trickery and music. Some of it is quite juvenile, but that massively appeals to my sense of humour, especially seeing as nobody is doing anything like this anywhere else on the radio to my knowledge, especially given the level of work that must go on to prepare the show compared to a normal programme.
BBC Radio 2 - Simon Mayo (M-F 17-19:00, also Highlights Podcast)
I've recently got in to Simon Mayo's Radio 2 show, which seems to be a mixture of everything he's done for the BBC - from the frivolity of Radio 1 to the informed speech from Radio 5. Cobmine all this with a sideways take on the Radio 2 playlist and the show has a distinctive feel, crammed with entertainment. Terrific stuff.
BBC Radio 2 - Richard Allinson (Sat/Sun 03-06:00)
I love Richard Allinson's effortless presenting style and freeflowing programmes. Opinion on the internet seems to be split as to whether he is a hidden Radio 2 headliner or the incarnation of Alan Partridge, but i think there is a clear line between cheesiness and everyman affability, with Allinson falling clearly in the latter category.
For my money, Radio 2 is a collection of polar opposites with the awful (Chris Evans, Jeremy Vine's shouting shop, Steve Wright, Dermot o'Leary) and the sublime (Alex Lester, Ken Bruce, Richard Allinson, Miranda Hart & Jon Holmes, Simon Mayo). You have to think about who is on before pressing the preset...
BBC Radio London - Danny Baker (Mon-Fri 14-16:00)
I'm in something of a quandry over Danny Baker. His endless stream of creativity is superb and as an inventive radio presenter there are few who can hold a candle to him. The problem is that there are a couple of aspects of his personality that raise my ire considerably, particularly his oft aired view that if he was offered a job in the USA he'd take it in the blink of an eyelid. To me that demonstrates a high level of contempt for your audience. Also his appearance of Radio 4's Desert Island Discs was excessive in ego-stroking smugness. We know you're good and we know you're popular, but thats no reason to rub the noses of your audience in the glibness of their own existence. I think there has to be a point where even the most overblown radio jock has to demonstrate some humble humility. I've mentioned Baker's London show as it is a more open show than his Saturday morning gig on 5-Live and i think of it is a less constrained format.
Saturday 17 September 2011
Come back to Welcome Home
Every so often a song comes along that completely takes you by surprising, defying all the conventions of what is currently fashionable and sounding completely fresh. Over the past month of so, i've had one of those epiphanies.
"Welcome Home" by Midlands based band All The Young is a tremendous record. It is a raw, hooky, six minute indie epic with nods to everything from prog to grunge. The modern music industry is currently averse to anything in the vein of traditional rock and roll songwriting, preferring the two minute collection of gimmicks to a soaring, developing symphony like this. Given these difficult fashions, the band need to make good records if anyone is to take them seriously and they certainly are. What is most attractive about "Welcome Home" to me is that is isn't perfect. It showcases a band who are still developing their songwriting and their sound and that is tremendously exciting.
Having heard other songs by the band, they are clearly mean business and enjoy spinning tales of hope in bleak times. If there is any justice in the world, they'll be as famous as Take That by the end of the year.
"Welcome Home" by Midlands based band All The Young is a tremendous record. It is a raw, hooky, six minute indie epic with nods to everything from prog to grunge. The modern music industry is currently averse to anything in the vein of traditional rock and roll songwriting, preferring the two minute collection of gimmicks to a soaring, developing symphony like this. Given these difficult fashions, the band need to make good records if anyone is to take them seriously and they certainly are. What is most attractive about "Welcome Home" to me is that is isn't perfect. It showcases a band who are still developing their songwriting and their sound and that is tremendously exciting.
Having heard other songs by the band, they are clearly mean business and enjoy spinning tales of hope in bleak times. If there is any justice in the world, they'll be as famous as Take That by the end of the year.
Tuesday 16 August 2011
Desperately seeking the new Enfant Terrible
Background viewing: The BBC2 programmes "Blood On The Carpet: Walking With Disc Jockeys" (concerning Matthew Bannister's revamping of Radio 1 during the 90s) and "When Moyles Met The Radio 1 Breakfast DJs" (a chronological who's who of the Radio 1 Breakfast programme).
BBC Radio 1 has a problem. Since the Bannister Reforms of the 90s when the ageing "dinosaur" DJs were pensioned off and replaced by new, younger talent, there has been something of a tradition of having an enfant terrible presenting the station's flagship breakfast show. Viewing Steve Wright as one of the dinosaurs, (which divides opinion; he was undoubtedly younger in style than many of his contemporaries, but was properly old-school in hating most of the music he was playing), the first of the demon toddlers to throw tantrums on air was Chris Evans. Evans' diva reputation is well documented, not only at Radio 1, but on through his media career for the next decade. The fundamental key was that Evans got people talking about him, his show and Radio 1, something that hadn't regularly happened since the station's heyday in the 70s.
The precedent had been set. Following Evans' unexpected departure from Radio 1, Mark Goodier sat in briefly as a caretaker before Mark Radcliffe and Mark "Lard" Riley took over. The consensus was that the latter was a failure, but i think that it was harshly judged at the time. Nevertheless, after a short stint they were replaced by Zoe Ball and Kevin Greening.
Unsurprisingly, the partnership of Ball and Greening didn't last very long. Although there was no apparent problems with the relationship between the two, the quietly professional Greening was dropped in favour of Zoe Ball presenting solo and thus the second era of the sensationalist presenter was properly under way. This era was heralded not so much by the non-conformity and endless creative stream that Chris Evans had provided, but more stories of excess, partying and something dubbed by the media as "ladette culture". This was gold for Radio 1, who had somebody on their hands once again who had the attention of the press and could be demonised by them. Listening figures rose accordingly. Zoe Ball's tenure ended in 2000 when she left to devote more time to her family. As an aside, she has since returned to the BBC covering for various presenters on Radio 2 and her style has matured brilliantly whilst still being good fun.
Her friend Sara Cox was waiting in the wings to take on the job and followed the same brash ladette formula as had worked for Ball. Initially there was some success and ratings rose to record levels for the era, but the show started sliding and by the middle of 2003 was in freefall. Cox was exhausted and creatively spent following 18-odd months of heavy pressure to improve the show.
Thus Chris Moyles, the self styled saviour of whichever slot he happened to be working in at the time was enlisted from the start of 2004 and Cox was shifted over to drivetime for the interim until going on maternity leave. Even at the start of his stint on Breakfast, Moyles was a considerably reformed character from the angry brat who had appeared on early breakfast (4am - 7am) in 1997, at which time he had been honing his act on various commercial broadcasters and gradually building a reputation for being outrageous but crucially popular.
There is a marked difference between the Chris Moyles of Early Breakfast (97), weekday afternoons (c. 2001), breakfast (2004) and today. He is undoubtedly mellowing with age and growing accustomed to his celebrity status and with this comes comfort and a reduced level of anger. The hear the evolution for yourself, check out the sound archives on ChrisMoyles.net.
My conclusion of this is that Moyles is no longer the enfant terrible he was marketed as in 2004, and in my opinion he was past his controversial peak by then too. He has recently confirmed that he has a contract to present the show until 2014, shortly before the departure of boss Andy Parfitt from Radio 1 was announced. I'm not saying the two are connected, but the presence of Moyles gives the whole station stability.
The question is who will replace Moyles when he does eventually leave? Greg James is currently favourite in the running, but possibly lacks the headline grabbing impetus that the station needs. I also think he'll be off to TV before long. Of the other up and coming presenters on the station, Nick Grimshaw is a possibility but will likely be tempted by other offers, Dev's show has a sense of painful desperation about it, Huw Stephens is a solid daytime or evening jock and Matt Edmondson is already occupied with several other projects, which is a shame as his style has the most potential of anybody at the moment.
The other problem is that there isn't the breeding ground for new talent on commercial radio any more. If you look at the career of Chris Moyles before he came to Radio 1, none of the stations are now operated independently and evening programming is widely networked, reducing the opportunity for presenters to bring a club radio offering. Club radio is incredibly important to building the careers of radio personalities. By making their show an appointment to listen and making the listeners involved in its success, their popularity grows and their listeners become more religious about tuning in. It also makes it harder for them to be sacked (although it never stopped Moyles from being dismissed at least once) and therefore a more desirable talent for other broadcasters. But can you imagine something like Moyles' Chiltern Network Late Bit show now being broadcast by Heart? You could probably listen to Heart for four hours of an evening without giving a toss about who the presenter is, as they are all identikit smooth voices. Club radio is on life support and Heart, Bauer et al are in danger of killing it.
BBC Radio 1 has a problem. Since the Bannister Reforms of the 90s when the ageing "dinosaur" DJs were pensioned off and replaced by new, younger talent, there has been something of a tradition of having an enfant terrible presenting the station's flagship breakfast show. Viewing Steve Wright as one of the dinosaurs, (which divides opinion; he was undoubtedly younger in style than many of his contemporaries, but was properly old-school in hating most of the music he was playing), the first of the demon toddlers to throw tantrums on air was Chris Evans. Evans' diva reputation is well documented, not only at Radio 1, but on through his media career for the next decade. The fundamental key was that Evans got people talking about him, his show and Radio 1, something that hadn't regularly happened since the station's heyday in the 70s.
The precedent had been set. Following Evans' unexpected departure from Radio 1, Mark Goodier sat in briefly as a caretaker before Mark Radcliffe and Mark "Lard" Riley took over. The consensus was that the latter was a failure, but i think that it was harshly judged at the time. Nevertheless, after a short stint they were replaced by Zoe Ball and Kevin Greening.
Unsurprisingly, the partnership of Ball and Greening didn't last very long. Although there was no apparent problems with the relationship between the two, the quietly professional Greening was dropped in favour of Zoe Ball presenting solo and thus the second era of the sensationalist presenter was properly under way. This era was heralded not so much by the non-conformity and endless creative stream that Chris Evans had provided, but more stories of excess, partying and something dubbed by the media as "ladette culture". This was gold for Radio 1, who had somebody on their hands once again who had the attention of the press and could be demonised by them. Listening figures rose accordingly. Zoe Ball's tenure ended in 2000 when she left to devote more time to her family. As an aside, she has since returned to the BBC covering for various presenters on Radio 2 and her style has matured brilliantly whilst still being good fun.
Her friend Sara Cox was waiting in the wings to take on the job and followed the same brash ladette formula as had worked for Ball. Initially there was some success and ratings rose to record levels for the era, but the show started sliding and by the middle of 2003 was in freefall. Cox was exhausted and creatively spent following 18-odd months of heavy pressure to improve the show.
Thus Chris Moyles, the self styled saviour of whichever slot he happened to be working in at the time was enlisted from the start of 2004 and Cox was shifted over to drivetime for the interim until going on maternity leave. Even at the start of his stint on Breakfast, Moyles was a considerably reformed character from the angry brat who had appeared on early breakfast (4am - 7am) in 1997, at which time he had been honing his act on various commercial broadcasters and gradually building a reputation for being outrageous but crucially popular.
There is a marked difference between the Chris Moyles of Early Breakfast (97), weekday afternoons (c. 2001), breakfast (2004) and today. He is undoubtedly mellowing with age and growing accustomed to his celebrity status and with this comes comfort and a reduced level of anger. The hear the evolution for yourself, check out the sound archives on ChrisMoyles.net.
My conclusion of this is that Moyles is no longer the enfant terrible he was marketed as in 2004, and in my opinion he was past his controversial peak by then too. He has recently confirmed that he has a contract to present the show until 2014, shortly before the departure of boss Andy Parfitt from Radio 1 was announced. I'm not saying the two are connected, but the presence of Moyles gives the whole station stability.
The question is who will replace Moyles when he does eventually leave? Greg James is currently favourite in the running, but possibly lacks the headline grabbing impetus that the station needs. I also think he'll be off to TV before long. Of the other up and coming presenters on the station, Nick Grimshaw is a possibility but will likely be tempted by other offers, Dev's show has a sense of painful desperation about it, Huw Stephens is a solid daytime or evening jock and Matt Edmondson is already occupied with several other projects, which is a shame as his style has the most potential of anybody at the moment.
The other problem is that there isn't the breeding ground for new talent on commercial radio any more. If you look at the career of Chris Moyles before he came to Radio 1, none of the stations are now operated independently and evening programming is widely networked, reducing the opportunity for presenters to bring a club radio offering. Club radio is incredibly important to building the careers of radio personalities. By making their show an appointment to listen and making the listeners involved in its success, their popularity grows and their listeners become more religious about tuning in. It also makes it harder for them to be sacked (although it never stopped Moyles from being dismissed at least once) and therefore a more desirable talent for other broadcasters. But can you imagine something like Moyles' Chiltern Network Late Bit show now being broadcast by Heart? You could probably listen to Heart for four hours of an evening without giving a toss about who the presenter is, as they are all identikit smooth voices. Club radio is on life support and Heart, Bauer et al are in danger of killing it.
Wednesday 10 August 2011
Gruesome. Then it grew some more.
Hard Fi - Fire In The House
Now i'll admit i didn't see this coming after the industrial leanings of previous single Good for Nothing. This is more dance than indie and a really interesting new direction for Hard Fi. Aside from that, its actually really good and a refreshing change from the bilge that AATW releases these days which only serves to give dance music a bad name.
David Guetta ft Taio Cruz and Ludacris - Little Bad Girl
Horrible rehash of the previous Guetta single, except with Taio Cruz instead of Flo Rida. Even the presence of the normally entertaining Ludacris can't save this poor offering.
Emeli Sande - Heaven
Now the word 'epic' is massively overused these days, particularly where music is concerned, but this genuinely delivers. The gorgeous breakbeat inspired verses could have been recorded twenty years ago, but the production on the chorus sends it flying. Sande's voice leading it all is a revelation, having previously only been noted in the mainstream for being the female vocalist on Wiley's Never Be Your Woman and Chipmunk's Diamond Rings, neither of which was a worthy showcase for her talents. This is the record that Guilt by Nero could have been had they had the guts not to let it degenerate into weak wuh-wuh-wuh-waaaaah dubstep cliches. At least somebody has finally seen fit to make a record which doesn't adhere to all the latest trends just to fit in.
JLS ft Dev - She Makes Me Wanna
Anyone have an idea why Dev is on this? No...? Thought not. Ms Bass Down Low Buhbuhbuhbuh Bass Down Low sounds bloody dreadful, like a hungover junkie and completely out of place with the squeaky clean boyband, who are doing a fairly average song by their standards.
Eminem - Space Bound
Another of Mathers' therapy sessions gets set to music. Get over yourself.
Katy Perry - Last Friday Night (TGIF)
I didn't mind Perry's first album, but every single off this album has been weak, showcasing how Perry thinks teenagers should be behaving, which generally involves alcohol, sex and being infantile. And lets not forget, this will probably be included on all those Pop Princess albums aimed at five year olds who can then sing how they smell like a minibar. Nice.
Nicki Minaj - Super Bass
When Minaj broke through, it became apparent that she has a fairly unique delivery, but with every record it becomes more obvious that she can't deliver a record without hyperactive ADHD production, thousands of layers of autotune and more gimmicks than a 36 month mobile phone contract with a free quad bike. It irritates me because i think there is a half decent artist trying to break out, but whilst she insists on being an idiotic puppet for the media ("the Gaga of rap" has been done to death by the press), it ain't gonna happen.
Red Hot Chili Peppers - The Adventues of Raindance Maggie
The Chilis fall further into the pits of average funk band hell with another record that sounds exactly like every one from their last album.
Cher Lloyd - Swagger Jagger
X-Factor reject records nursery rhyme, which may be about the mean streets of Great Malvern. Hideous.
One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful
Another set of X-Factor rejects. This lot look like a set of Justin Bieber clones. Their record? Its a fairly average rip-off of Summer Loving from Grease.
Ed Sheeran - You Need Me, I Don't Need You
Crikey! Where did this come from?!? And more to the point, who on earth decided he should release the bland junkie folk ballad The A Team before this? Sheeran proves he's got balls, talent and the ear for an excellent hook all in one song.
Olly Murs - Heart Skips A Beat
Yet another X-Factor non-winner. Murs shrugs away the reggae-light rhythms of his first album with this new single, a slightly more risky and modern sounding pop song. It won't set the world on fire, but it wille establish him that far more than a one trick pony.
The Wombats - Our Perfect Disease
Amazingly, the fifth single to be taken from the second Wombats long player and it is them at their best, making an upbeat record from far darker subject matter than most bands will touch. If you like the Wombats, you'll like this.
Pixie Lott - All About Tonight
Cross-file under "Plastic Party", "Stage School" and "Manufactured Drivel". And now she's making records about how much she loves clubbing and partying, despite not having an original thought since she was eight years old.
The Saturdays - All Fired Up
Cross-file under "Plastic Party", "Stage School" and "Manufactured Drivel". Marginally less irritating that Notorious, but that still is not a recommendation. Hideous.
Now i'll admit i didn't see this coming after the industrial leanings of previous single Good for Nothing. This is more dance than indie and a really interesting new direction for Hard Fi. Aside from that, its actually really good and a refreshing change from the bilge that AATW releases these days which only serves to give dance music a bad name.
David Guetta ft Taio Cruz and Ludacris - Little Bad Girl
Horrible rehash of the previous Guetta single, except with Taio Cruz instead of Flo Rida. Even the presence of the normally entertaining Ludacris can't save this poor offering.
Emeli Sande - Heaven
Now the word 'epic' is massively overused these days, particularly where music is concerned, but this genuinely delivers. The gorgeous breakbeat inspired verses could have been recorded twenty years ago, but the production on the chorus sends it flying. Sande's voice leading it all is a revelation, having previously only been noted in the mainstream for being the female vocalist on Wiley's Never Be Your Woman and Chipmunk's Diamond Rings, neither of which was a worthy showcase for her talents. This is the record that Guilt by Nero could have been had they had the guts not to let it degenerate into weak wuh-wuh-wuh-waaaaah dubstep cliches. At least somebody has finally seen fit to make a record which doesn't adhere to all the latest trends just to fit in.
JLS ft Dev - She Makes Me Wanna
Anyone have an idea why Dev is on this? No...? Thought not. Ms Bass Down Low Buhbuhbuhbuh Bass Down Low sounds bloody dreadful, like a hungover junkie and completely out of place with the squeaky clean boyband, who are doing a fairly average song by their standards.
Eminem - Space Bound
Another of Mathers' therapy sessions gets set to music. Get over yourself.
Katy Perry - Last Friday Night (TGIF)
I didn't mind Perry's first album, but every single off this album has been weak, showcasing how Perry thinks teenagers should be behaving, which generally involves alcohol, sex and being infantile. And lets not forget, this will probably be included on all those Pop Princess albums aimed at five year olds who can then sing how they smell like a minibar. Nice.
Nicki Minaj - Super Bass
When Minaj broke through, it became apparent that she has a fairly unique delivery, but with every record it becomes more obvious that she can't deliver a record without hyperactive ADHD production, thousands of layers of autotune and more gimmicks than a 36 month mobile phone contract with a free quad bike. It irritates me because i think there is a half decent artist trying to break out, but whilst she insists on being an idiotic puppet for the media ("the Gaga of rap" has been done to death by the press), it ain't gonna happen.
Red Hot Chili Peppers - The Adventues of Raindance Maggie
The Chilis fall further into the pits of average funk band hell with another record that sounds exactly like every one from their last album.
Cher Lloyd - Swagger Jagger
X-Factor reject records nursery rhyme, which may be about the mean streets of Great Malvern. Hideous.
One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful
Another set of X-Factor rejects. This lot look like a set of Justin Bieber clones. Their record? Its a fairly average rip-off of Summer Loving from Grease.
Ed Sheeran - You Need Me, I Don't Need You
Crikey! Where did this come from?!? And more to the point, who on earth decided he should release the bland junkie folk ballad The A Team before this? Sheeran proves he's got balls, talent and the ear for an excellent hook all in one song.
Olly Murs - Heart Skips A Beat
Yet another X-Factor non-winner. Murs shrugs away the reggae-light rhythms of his first album with this new single, a slightly more risky and modern sounding pop song. It won't set the world on fire, but it wille establish him that far more than a one trick pony.
The Wombats - Our Perfect Disease
Amazingly, the fifth single to be taken from the second Wombats long player and it is them at their best, making an upbeat record from far darker subject matter than most bands will touch. If you like the Wombats, you'll like this.
Pixie Lott - All About Tonight
Cross-file under "Plastic Party", "Stage School" and "Manufactured Drivel". And now she's making records about how much she loves clubbing and partying, despite not having an original thought since she was eight years old.
The Saturdays - All Fired Up
Cross-file under "Plastic Party", "Stage School" and "Manufactured Drivel". Marginally less irritating that Notorious, but that still is not a recommendation. Hideous.
Saturday 18 June 2011
The Summer of Music Anger
Here be reviews. And excessive swearing, i expect.
Alexandra Stan - Mr Saxobeat
Inna - Sun Is Up
With your identical sounding Romanian dance music, you are really spoiling us, AATW. Inna's first hit last year featured this not-to-offensive plinky plonky electronica background, she followed it with two more and this year's example is no different. Fine if you like that sort of thing i suppose, but if you've heard one you've heard them all. Alexandra Stan's only offering to the party is some shit synthisised sax.
Coldplay - Every Teardrop is a Waterfall
I'm quite a fan of some of Coldplay's less popular back catalogue. I thought lead single from the previous album (Violet Hill) was a brilliant song, mainly because it dives off course a couple of times and explores some new ideas. This, the first single from their forthcoming new album, is a less joyous affair. Theres a bit of a verse, a lot of soaring anthemic style stadium rock going on, but sod all else besides and very little content of any note. After the first minute, you've heard the whole thing. Very disappointing.
David Guetta, Flo-Rida and Nicki Minaj - Where Them Girls At
Ye gads. I remember when David Guetta was a pioneer of French pop-house. With his ever faithful vocalist sidekick Chris Willis, there wasn't anything they couldn't achieve. Now Guetta is mates with lots of Americans and this latest output is just drivel. Jesus Christ himself only knows why Nicki Minaj is famous because she hasn't yet released a decent song. Her lyrics are trite, boring and delivered with a level of overacting seldom seen outside Hollyoaks. Flo Rida is doing exactly what he does and rapping in a cliched manner about clubbing. The whole thing is pathetic. Just take a listen to something like "Stay" or the original "Love Don't Let Me Go", or even "How Soon Is Now" from the first edition of the One Love album, all brilliant songs, but every single he releases now is a betrayal of his roots which ultimately are in Europe.
DJ Fresh ft Sian Evans - Louder
Somewhat more forthright than his previous hit (Golddust), this is a demonstration of how good dubstep could be if they'd actually put their minds to it. Although it still feels as though it needs a proper dance breakdown, its not at all bad and feels more menacing than a late night walk through Stokes Croft. If you liked the stalker-esque swagger of the Chase and Status track "Let You Go", this will almost certainly appeal.
Ed Sheeran - The A Team
Dull. Bored. Dribble. Acoustic folk music for the under 14s.
Hard-Fi - Good For Nothing
I've always been quite a fan of Hard-Fi and the rumour mill had been circulating for some time about their comeback being a real departure and ultimately it isn't. There is a lot more swagger about their attitude and the sound is a lot less polished than that found on their first two albums, but the same influences and origins are still there. It opens rather reminiscently of Jay-Z's "99 Problems", but the anger is far more controlled than many bands make it.
Nicole Scherzinger - Right There
"Me like the way that you touch my body" wails our Nicholas. Sorry, did i say Nicholas? I meant NICOLE. Obviously. This is barely literate bilge, delving below the depths of decency in order to make shagging music for preteens. Utterly vile and unneccessary. If i was Lewis Hamilton, i'd keep crashing out of races in protest.... oh...
Pitbull, Ne-Yo, Afrojack and Nayer - Give Me Everything
Nayer? What sort of a name is that? It makes you sound like a HORSE. Then we've got Afrogjack, who is obviously a frog called jack. And Pitbull, an inbred dog owned by chavs for fighting. And Ne-Yo, who buggers up the metaphor entirely. ANYWAY. This is a shit record. Its boring, plastic party rubbish with no point to its existence. Its also been to #1 in the UK for three weeks and i've yet to work out any reason why. I can't imagine anyone would care enough to legally download it.
The Shaturdays - Notorious
Speaking of plastic party records, heres another. This is the SHATURDAYS, a collection of teenage pop princesses who like to drink alcopops and pretend they're grown ups. How cute. They also like to trot out all the usual cliches about being "the big boss", "a gangster" and of course about how they "love this track". This has about as much credibility as a Jeffrey Archer encyclopaedia of truthfulness.
Vato Gonzales - Badman Riddim (Jump Jump)
So if you're one of those fools who keeps buying plastic party records, give it up and buy a proper dancefloor record like this. A proper crossover track, this shows influences from all over the place - dancehall, house, even latin rhythms. It doesn't really matter that most of the lyrics are pap when the music is this well engineered.
Jason Derulo - Don't Wanna Go Home
Pointless rip-off of Robin S' "Show Me Love" with the gormless and humour-free waste of space Derulo sounding bored over the top of it.
Kaiser Chiefs - Little Shocks
A low key return from the Kaiser Chiefs shows them back in a satyrical and serious mood. If you're expecting another stadium filling singalong, then you'll be disappointed as this showcases the songwriting they've always been quietly capable of, rather than going for the obvious choruses of their previous output. I don't think it'll spark the re-emergence of proper guitar bands and good old fashioned British indie, but it will hopefully spark the imaginations of those of us left strangely cold with all the junk thats around at the moment.
Rihanna - California King Bed
Yaaawwwwwwwwn.
Jennifer Lopez & Lil Wayne - I'm In To You
Gracious. This is all kind of wrongness. It sounds like some single mother who spends far too long watching Desperate Housewives and thinks its a documentary rather than porn for middle aged women. The song is basically her propositioning her son's best friend. Slimy and highly nasty.
Birdy - Skinny Love / Shelter
Tedious teenager sings tedious acoustic songs. Both are devoid of a single original thought or anything to differentiate her from the acts appearing in hundreds of pubs all over the country.
The Horrors - Still Life
Broody and technologically savvy indie with its roots in Joy Division and early 90s indie before it all went commercial. Very insistent and builds into a crescendo in a way that Coldplay failed to do with their new single. Potentially signals one of the more interesting albums of the year if its all this good.
Panic At The Disco - Ready To Go
I think Panic at the Disco are finally back with us after the horrors of "Pretty Odd" which seemed to be written and released solely to please music journalists. This has more of the energy of their first album and does away with the smug, self satisfied twattery that they had seemed to be falling in to.
Katy B - Easy Please Me
The First Lady of Dubstep. That would be quite a title, wouldn't it? It'd be a bit like calling "The King of Shit" or "Prince of the Septic Tanks" though, because almost all dubstep is awful and this isn't exception. From the hilarious opening line of "Standing at the bar / with my friend Olivi-ar", it trots out all the terrible cliches about wanting a man, not a boy who can keep it real. For fucks sake. Is it really 1993 again? Have Salt n Pepa reformed? Or is it a rejected TLC song?
Alexandra Stan - Mr Saxobeat
Inna - Sun Is Up
With your identical sounding Romanian dance music, you are really spoiling us, AATW. Inna's first hit last year featured this not-to-offensive plinky plonky electronica background, she followed it with two more and this year's example is no different. Fine if you like that sort of thing i suppose, but if you've heard one you've heard them all. Alexandra Stan's only offering to the party is some shit synthisised sax.
Coldplay - Every Teardrop is a Waterfall
I'm quite a fan of some of Coldplay's less popular back catalogue. I thought lead single from the previous album (Violet Hill) was a brilliant song, mainly because it dives off course a couple of times and explores some new ideas. This, the first single from their forthcoming new album, is a less joyous affair. Theres a bit of a verse, a lot of soaring anthemic style stadium rock going on, but sod all else besides and very little content of any note. After the first minute, you've heard the whole thing. Very disappointing.
David Guetta, Flo-Rida and Nicki Minaj - Where Them Girls At
Ye gads. I remember when David Guetta was a pioneer of French pop-house. With his ever faithful vocalist sidekick Chris Willis, there wasn't anything they couldn't achieve. Now Guetta is mates with lots of Americans and this latest output is just drivel. Jesus Christ himself only knows why Nicki Minaj is famous because she hasn't yet released a decent song. Her lyrics are trite, boring and delivered with a level of overacting seldom seen outside Hollyoaks. Flo Rida is doing exactly what he does and rapping in a cliched manner about clubbing. The whole thing is pathetic. Just take a listen to something like "Stay" or the original "Love Don't Let Me Go", or even "How Soon Is Now" from the first edition of the One Love album, all brilliant songs, but every single he releases now is a betrayal of his roots which ultimately are in Europe.
DJ Fresh ft Sian Evans - Louder
Somewhat more forthright than his previous hit (Golddust), this is a demonstration of how good dubstep could be if they'd actually put their minds to it. Although it still feels as though it needs a proper dance breakdown, its not at all bad and feels more menacing than a late night walk through Stokes Croft. If you liked the stalker-esque swagger of the Chase and Status track "Let You Go", this will almost certainly appeal.
Ed Sheeran - The A Team
Dull. Bored. Dribble. Acoustic folk music for the under 14s.
Hard-Fi - Good For Nothing
I've always been quite a fan of Hard-Fi and the rumour mill had been circulating for some time about their comeback being a real departure and ultimately it isn't. There is a lot more swagger about their attitude and the sound is a lot less polished than that found on their first two albums, but the same influences and origins are still there. It opens rather reminiscently of Jay-Z's "99 Problems", but the anger is far more controlled than many bands make it.
Nicole Scherzinger - Right There
"Me like the way that you touch my body" wails our Nicholas. Sorry, did i say Nicholas? I meant NICOLE. Obviously. This is barely literate bilge, delving below the depths of decency in order to make shagging music for preteens. Utterly vile and unneccessary. If i was Lewis Hamilton, i'd keep crashing out of races in protest.... oh...
Pitbull, Ne-Yo, Afrojack and Nayer - Give Me Everything
Nayer? What sort of a name is that? It makes you sound like a HORSE. Then we've got Afrogjack, who is obviously a frog called jack. And Pitbull, an inbred dog owned by chavs for fighting. And Ne-Yo, who buggers up the metaphor entirely. ANYWAY. This is a shit record. Its boring, plastic party rubbish with no point to its existence. Its also been to #1 in the UK for three weeks and i've yet to work out any reason why. I can't imagine anyone would care enough to legally download it.
The Shaturdays - Notorious
Speaking of plastic party records, heres another. This is the SHATURDAYS, a collection of teenage pop princesses who like to drink alcopops and pretend they're grown ups. How cute. They also like to trot out all the usual cliches about being "the big boss", "a gangster" and of course about how they "love this track". This has about as much credibility as a Jeffrey Archer encyclopaedia of truthfulness.
Vato Gonzales - Badman Riddim (Jump Jump)
So if you're one of those fools who keeps buying plastic party records, give it up and buy a proper dancefloor record like this. A proper crossover track, this shows influences from all over the place - dancehall, house, even latin rhythms. It doesn't really matter that most of the lyrics are pap when the music is this well engineered.
Jason Derulo - Don't Wanna Go Home
Pointless rip-off of Robin S' "Show Me Love" with the gormless and humour-free waste of space Derulo sounding bored over the top of it.
Kaiser Chiefs - Little Shocks
A low key return from the Kaiser Chiefs shows them back in a satyrical and serious mood. If you're expecting another stadium filling singalong, then you'll be disappointed as this showcases the songwriting they've always been quietly capable of, rather than going for the obvious choruses of their previous output. I don't think it'll spark the re-emergence of proper guitar bands and good old fashioned British indie, but it will hopefully spark the imaginations of those of us left strangely cold with all the junk thats around at the moment.
Rihanna - California King Bed
Yaaawwwwwwwwn.
Jennifer Lopez & Lil Wayne - I'm In To You
Gracious. This is all kind of wrongness. It sounds like some single mother who spends far too long watching Desperate Housewives and thinks its a documentary rather than porn for middle aged women. The song is basically her propositioning her son's best friend. Slimy and highly nasty.
Birdy - Skinny Love / Shelter
Tedious teenager sings tedious acoustic songs. Both are devoid of a single original thought or anything to differentiate her from the acts appearing in hundreds of pubs all over the country.
The Horrors - Still Life
Broody and technologically savvy indie with its roots in Joy Division and early 90s indie before it all went commercial. Very insistent and builds into a crescendo in a way that Coldplay failed to do with their new single. Potentially signals one of the more interesting albums of the year if its all this good.
Panic At The Disco - Ready To Go
I think Panic at the Disco are finally back with us after the horrors of "Pretty Odd" which seemed to be written and released solely to please music journalists. This has more of the energy of their first album and does away with the smug, self satisfied twattery that they had seemed to be falling in to.
Katy B - Easy Please Me
The First Lady of Dubstep. That would be quite a title, wouldn't it? It'd be a bit like calling "The King of Shit" or "Prince of the Septic Tanks" though, because almost all dubstep is awful and this isn't exception. From the hilarious opening line of "Standing at the bar / with my friend Olivi-ar", it trots out all the terrible cliches about wanting a man, not a boy who can keep it real. For fucks sake. Is it really 1993 again? Have Salt n Pepa reformed? Or is it a rejected TLC song?
Tuesday 31 May 2011
Twenty Years of Horizon
I'll be the first to admit that i don't readily post enough positive material to this blog, so here is a small celebration of sorts.
March 2011 marked twenty years since the release of one of the fundamental building blocks of the 90s eurodance scene. The late Torsten Fenslau along with Peter Zweier and Jens Zimmermann teamed up with the vocalists Lana Earl and Jay Supreme to record the first Culture Beat album, Horizon. Along with 1990's Street Moves long player by Ruud van Rijen's act Twenty-4-Seven, Horizon proved that dance albums could exist without being pointless, cynical cash-ins on successful singles.
What set Horizon apart from the Twenty-4-Seven album was that it included far more fusion with other sounds away from dance music. If heard in isolation, Lana Earl's divine vocals would be immediately regarded as those of a country artist, but allied to the slick rap flow of Jay Supreme and distinctive Frankfurt tech-house sound that Fenslau pioneered, they couldn't have sounded more at home.
Horizon was released across Europe by the CBS/Sony group on a variety of labels. Germany, Austria and Switzerland saw its appearance on the locally popular Dance Pool label, whilst the album appeared in the UK very quietly and uniquely on Epic.
The album opens with the title track, a symphonic ambient-house instrumental with influences from all over the place. The stark piano line recalls George Harrison's Beatles classic "I Want To Tell You" (even more so if you've heard Neil Innes recalling the recording of it), whilst the ambient background recalls the KLF's then contemporary Chill Out album.
The first vocal track of the album, with Lana singlehandedly taking on vocal duties, is a cover of Carole King's It's Too Late. The song is dark and broody, punctuated by a sharp metronomic beat and an insistent bassline. The result is a very moving and timely cover of the original.
In stark contrast, track three is Jay Supreme's solo moment in the spotlight, The Hyped Effect. Showcasing Supreme's brilliant flow and style, the upbeat track pulls no punches and wastes no opportunity to fill every moment with his ideas. The track never assaults the senses, but it certainly wakes them up. The chorus is a processed vocal sung by Fenslau and Zweier. Compared to the current collection of plastic, mass produced party songs, this is raw dance music with genuine feeling.
Track four is the slower, almost ballad pace Tell Me That You Wait. Drawing more influence from the late 80s soul sound to which they were contemporaries than the dance beats they usually worked on, the track features a reflective rap on the theme of going away from Jay, a simple vocal chorus featuring Torsten and Peter and Lana working on backing and embelishment to key moments. Although it was released across most territories of Europe as a single on the strength of No Deeper Meaning, it failed to repeat the patchy success and remains the most widely available single from the album.
Black Flowers is the fifth track on the album, the first real collaboration between Lana and Jay. It opens with a spoken introduction by Jay and blossoms to tell a story of struggle, passion and adversity. Dance music is so often accused of being meaningless or throwaway material, but this proves it can achieve so much more. Despite the faster beats and distinctly European feel to it, Black Flowers has a rich soul and moral to it.
Tracks six and seven were both released as singles, No Deeper Meaning reached #5 on the Dutch charts and probably secured the future of the project amongst the corridors of CBS/Dance Pool management. I Like You was also released as a single, although didn't achieve the same level of success. Both tracks are upbeat dancefloor-based songs with a topical rap from Jay and a matching chorus from Lana, both sitting atop accomplished and catchy instrumentals.
Track eight is a second solo outing for Lana Earl, the 80s powerpop sound of Serious. Accounting for the nods towards the country sound of Lana's vocals and the obvious references to the Detroit tech sound, this is the most stark American influence on the album. The track doesn't feel as fully developed or accomplished as those which preceded it, perhaps indicating that those involved in the project were ill at ease dealing with a sound they didn't fully believe in.
Der Erdbeermund / Cherry Lips / Les Lèvres Cerises is the ninth track on the album in its original German, English and French forms. The original version features vocals from German actor, singer and director Jo van Nelsen, a spoken poetic ode to the one driving him crazy. Its been done before and since in dance music a thousand times, but never quite like this. The backing is a mellow, atmospheric track, verging on the ambient at times but held back from this by the insistent beats. Issued across most of Europe as a single (including in the UK as an instrumental where it troubled the lower end of the Top 75), the track was a staple of the club scene at the time.
Now we get on to the grey areas - track ten (One Good Reason) was released on the CD as a bonus track (and did not feature on the vinyl release). Another track featuring just Lana, this time in an ethereal and wistful mood along with a hypnotic beat. This was followed by a common remix of Tell Me That You Wait and a reprise of the opening overture. Horizon reprise runs through almost without any beats at all, cranking up the ambience and overall dreaminess of the track.
So there we go. One of my favourite albums ever. I first bought a copy in a record fair in one of Brunel's sheds at Bristol Temple Meads. At the time there were dozens of stalls selling deadstock and promos from the major music groups and one of several vinyl copies of Horizon caught my eye as something i'd never seen before. As i was well acquainted with Culture Beat through the hits from the second album Serenity, i gave in to temptation and thank heavens i did.
Several months later i found a copy of the Epic (UK) release of Horizon on CD at the branch of Rival Records on Park Street, also in Bristol. I've never seen another one since...
March 2011 marked twenty years since the release of one of the fundamental building blocks of the 90s eurodance scene. The late Torsten Fenslau along with Peter Zweier and Jens Zimmermann teamed up with the vocalists Lana Earl and Jay Supreme to record the first Culture Beat album, Horizon. Along with 1990's Street Moves long player by Ruud van Rijen's act Twenty-4-Seven, Horizon proved that dance albums could exist without being pointless, cynical cash-ins on successful singles.
What set Horizon apart from the Twenty-4-Seven album was that it included far more fusion with other sounds away from dance music. If heard in isolation, Lana Earl's divine vocals would be immediately regarded as those of a country artist, but allied to the slick rap flow of Jay Supreme and distinctive Frankfurt tech-house sound that Fenslau pioneered, they couldn't have sounded more at home.
Horizon was released across Europe by the CBS/Sony group on a variety of labels. Germany, Austria and Switzerland saw its appearance on the locally popular Dance Pool label, whilst the album appeared in the UK very quietly and uniquely on Epic.
The album opens with the title track, a symphonic ambient-house instrumental with influences from all over the place. The stark piano line recalls George Harrison's Beatles classic "I Want To Tell You" (even more so if you've heard Neil Innes recalling the recording of it), whilst the ambient background recalls the KLF's then contemporary Chill Out album.
The first vocal track of the album, with Lana singlehandedly taking on vocal duties, is a cover of Carole King's It's Too Late. The song is dark and broody, punctuated by a sharp metronomic beat and an insistent bassline. The result is a very moving and timely cover of the original.
In stark contrast, track three is Jay Supreme's solo moment in the spotlight, The Hyped Effect. Showcasing Supreme's brilliant flow and style, the upbeat track pulls no punches and wastes no opportunity to fill every moment with his ideas. The track never assaults the senses, but it certainly wakes them up. The chorus is a processed vocal sung by Fenslau and Zweier. Compared to the current collection of plastic, mass produced party songs, this is raw dance music with genuine feeling.
Track four is the slower, almost ballad pace Tell Me That You Wait. Drawing more influence from the late 80s soul sound to which they were contemporaries than the dance beats they usually worked on, the track features a reflective rap on the theme of going away from Jay, a simple vocal chorus featuring Torsten and Peter and Lana working on backing and embelishment to key moments. Although it was released across most territories of Europe as a single on the strength of No Deeper Meaning, it failed to repeat the patchy success and remains the most widely available single from the album.
Black Flowers is the fifth track on the album, the first real collaboration between Lana and Jay. It opens with a spoken introduction by Jay and blossoms to tell a story of struggle, passion and adversity. Dance music is so often accused of being meaningless or throwaway material, but this proves it can achieve so much more. Despite the faster beats and distinctly European feel to it, Black Flowers has a rich soul and moral to it.
Tracks six and seven were both released as singles, No Deeper Meaning reached #5 on the Dutch charts and probably secured the future of the project amongst the corridors of CBS/Dance Pool management. I Like You was also released as a single, although didn't achieve the same level of success. Both tracks are upbeat dancefloor-based songs with a topical rap from Jay and a matching chorus from Lana, both sitting atop accomplished and catchy instrumentals.
Track eight is a second solo outing for Lana Earl, the 80s powerpop sound of Serious. Accounting for the nods towards the country sound of Lana's vocals and the obvious references to the Detroit tech sound, this is the most stark American influence on the album. The track doesn't feel as fully developed or accomplished as those which preceded it, perhaps indicating that those involved in the project were ill at ease dealing with a sound they didn't fully believe in.
Der Erdbeermund / Cherry Lips / Les Lèvres Cerises is the ninth track on the album in its original German, English and French forms. The original version features vocals from German actor, singer and director Jo van Nelsen, a spoken poetic ode to the one driving him crazy. Its been done before and since in dance music a thousand times, but never quite like this. The backing is a mellow, atmospheric track, verging on the ambient at times but held back from this by the insistent beats. Issued across most of Europe as a single (including in the UK as an instrumental where it troubled the lower end of the Top 75), the track was a staple of the club scene at the time.
Now we get on to the grey areas - track ten (One Good Reason) was released on the CD as a bonus track (and did not feature on the vinyl release). Another track featuring just Lana, this time in an ethereal and wistful mood along with a hypnotic beat. This was followed by a common remix of Tell Me That You Wait and a reprise of the opening overture. Horizon reprise runs through almost without any beats at all, cranking up the ambience and overall dreaminess of the track.
So there we go. One of my favourite albums ever. I first bought a copy in a record fair in one of Brunel's sheds at Bristol Temple Meads. At the time there were dozens of stalls selling deadstock and promos from the major music groups and one of several vinyl copies of Horizon caught my eye as something i'd never seen before. As i was well acquainted with Culture Beat through the hits from the second album Serenity, i gave in to temptation and thank heavens i did.
Several months later i found a copy of the Epic (UK) release of Horizon on CD at the branch of Rival Records on Park Street, also in Bristol. I've never seen another one since...
Tuesday 26 April 2011
Plastic Party
This genre really has milked itself dry now. I am officially completely bored with plastic party records. You know the sort of thing: "Good Time" or "Green Light" by Roll Deep, "The Time" or "I Gotta Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas, "On The Floor" by Jennifer Lopez, "Yeah 3X" by Cwith Bwown and pretty much anything by Kesha or Pitbull. And thats just quoting a few examples.
To those of you who haven't heard any of them, let me explain. Take a mid-tempo dance track, add a few bored sounding rappers extoling the virtues of partying hard and how wonderful Friday and/or Saturday night it and a pissweak chorus with no more than one line, repeated over and over and over and over until your brain bleeds.
To the <1% of the population who actually partake of this mind-numbing and liver damaging activity of the weekend pilgrimage to some seedy, sticky room beneath a barbers where loud, abrasive music is played, these records might actually be relevant, but to the majority of 7-12 year olds who download them, they aren't.
Its just a shame this country seems full of idiots who want to listen to the trash, really.
To those of you who haven't heard any of them, let me explain. Take a mid-tempo dance track, add a few bored sounding rappers extoling the virtues of partying hard and how wonderful Friday and/or Saturday night it and a pissweak chorus with no more than one line, repeated over and over and over and over until your brain bleeds.
To the <1% of the population who actually partake of this mind-numbing and liver damaging activity of the weekend pilgrimage to some seedy, sticky room beneath a barbers where loud, abrasive music is played, these records might actually be relevant, but to the majority of 7-12 year olds who download them, they aren't.
Its just a shame this country seems full of idiots who want to listen to the trash, really.
Sunday 27 March 2011
From sublime to ridiculous via deep boredom
Reviews to entertain and inform. And probably irritate if i'm being honest.
Kesha - Blow Have you noticed that the girl in the Barclays' Bouncy Castle advert looks like Gabriella Cilmi? @forkinabucket insists she doesn't, but she does. Particularly in the first frame when she's sat on the deflated castle.
Aside from the fact that some titles are beyond parody, this song proves a point known as true since the dawn of mankind. That truth is that Kesha cannot record a song without mentioning glitter. I'm starting to become convinced that she spent her entire childhood watching Disney DVDs from her Princess-themed bedroom before suddenly hitting puberty but not quite being able to leave the obsessions with childhood items like glittery make-up behind her. This is slightly less catchy than "We Are Who We Are", but covers exactly the same boring scuzzy club territory. The aural equivalent of headbutting a table covered in upturned drawing pins.
My Chemical Romance - Planetary Go
I didn't quite percieve that at the start of the year i'd be hailing My Chemical Romance as the standard bearers for brilliant tech-savvy pop, but this is superb. Big on energy, lots of hooky electronica and riffs, and unmistakably MCR. I found their Black Parade album a bit overly emo, even for a band who are the epitome of the genre and this is an excellent crossover track which will hopefully be a huge hit. Although it probably won't be because the charts are full of morons doing terrible cover versions.
The Vaccines - If You Wanna
I have to admit, i didn't have high hopes for the latest darlings of the battered and bruised indie scene, the Vaccines. Their mainstream debut Post Break-up Sex was just a slimy and nasty as the title suggested. Thankfully this is a million times better, with echoes of timeless indie from the past three decades all rolled into a catchy song which couldn't be less fashionable. Terrific stuff.
Nero - Guilt
Regular readers will know that music has the power to make me angry. This record makes me angry. It should be so f*cking brilliant that people would sell their own children to buy a copy of it. The intro and build up is amazing, epic stuff of dreams and science fiction sung with passion and musically really fascinating, but then... oh.... no......... just when you're expecting it to go stratospheric, the inevitable, cliched dubstep shite starts and drags the tempo back into the gutter and the next two minutes are just repetition of everything that has already happened. The potential is there, but Nero seem incapable of breaking out of this impossibly tiny world of the dubstep sound which throttles their creativity.
Jodie Connor - Bring It
Oh joy. We'd been trying not to find a new not-particularly-good UK R&B-lite come dance act and this would appear to be her. Somebody tell Tinchy Strider he's better than appearing on dross like this. Tedious. Really tedious. Worse than a Booty Luv album track.
Panic at the Disco - The Ballad of Mona Lisa
I remember when Panic at the Disco were a really exciting band. Their first album was tremendous, infused with an energy for life that couldn't be denied. Sadly since then, they've devolved into far more boring stadium rock which belies their early creativity. This is better than anything off their stagnant second album Pretty Odd, but not a patch on anything off their first.
Wednesday 23 March 2011
Double Trouble
Imagine a song you passionately hate. And i'm not talking about something unfashionable and novelty that routinely gets trotted out on the "100 Worst Records Ever" type of countdown, like the Birdie Song or something by the Smurfs. Think about a record that really offends you and makes you want to go postal.
As an aside, if there isn't a record that makes you this angry, then you might be reading the wrong blog.
Now imagine a talentless shitbag of an performer who would rather get her photos in the papers and magazines rather than their music on the radio. Somebody who turns up at awards ceremonies safe in the knowledge that they'll never win anything, so they have to wear moronic outfits and gurn at the paparazzi.
Take a moment to imagine a repulsive puppeteer record producer who makes bland, mass produced music for fuckwits to gush over.
Now imagine that the performer has made a record with the producer sampled the offensively awful track to make a record so shitifyingly awful that the world deserves to end. If you haven't heard Nicki Minaj - Girls Fall Like Dominoes which samples the grotesque slimy indie of The Big Pink, then avoid it for as long as you possibly can.
And the producer? It could only be king of spackpop "J-j-j-j-j R" Rotem.
As an aside, if there isn't a record that makes you this angry, then you might be reading the wrong blog.
Now imagine a talentless shitbag of an performer who would rather get her photos in the papers and magazines rather than their music on the radio. Somebody who turns up at awards ceremonies safe in the knowledge that they'll never win anything, so they have to wear moronic outfits and gurn at the paparazzi.
Take a moment to imagine a repulsive puppeteer record producer who makes bland, mass produced music for fuckwits to gush over.
Now imagine that the performer has made a record with the producer sampled the offensively awful track to make a record so shitifyingly awful that the world deserves to end. If you haven't heard Nicki Minaj - Girls Fall Like Dominoes which samples the grotesque slimy indie of The Big Pink, then avoid it for as long as you possibly can.
And the producer? It could only be king of spackpop "J-j-j-j-j R" Rotem.
Thursday 3 March 2011
Then just when you think you're going soft...
A couple of reviews:
Ellie Goulding - Lights (Single)
For the first time, i can honestly say i'm not spitting fire after hearing an Ellie Goulding song for the first time. This is genuinely not bad at all. Entertainingly upbeat, sung with a degree of enthusiasm and best of all: no stupid earworms or acoustic piano in earshot. Just a shame the other four singles you've released have been utter bobbins. More like this please and maybe i'll be able to see your face on the TV without throwing things at it.
Avril Lavigne - What The Hell
I sold this short when i reviewed it in the previous entry. It is far worse than just plain awful. It is pseudo-spunky childult* awful. Mindshittingly disasterously awful. If you actually listen to the lyrics, it is all about how Ms Lavigne clearly doesn't give a shit about the feelings of anyone else, she's just "having fun". What a cuntish outlook on life. Whereas i felt some sympathy towards Pink when her marriage broke up and could hear her pain and anguish coming through in her music, Lavigne's approach is just like a slap in the face to her ex husband whilst she projectile pisses on him using a she-wee. Its time to grow up and learn some respect for people other than yourself.
Ellie Goulding - Lights (Single)
For the first time, i can honestly say i'm not spitting fire after hearing an Ellie Goulding song for the first time. This is genuinely not bad at all. Entertainingly upbeat, sung with a degree of enthusiasm and best of all: no stupid earworms or acoustic piano in earshot. Just a shame the other four singles you've released have been utter bobbins. More like this please and maybe i'll be able to see your face on the TV without throwing things at it.
Avril Lavigne - What The Hell
I sold this short when i reviewed it in the previous entry. It is far worse than just plain awful. It is pseudo-spunky childult* awful. Mindshittingly disasterously awful. If you actually listen to the lyrics, it is all about how Ms Lavigne clearly doesn't give a shit about the feelings of anyone else, she's just "having fun". What a cuntish outlook on life. Whereas i felt some sympathy towards Pink when her marriage broke up and could hear her pain and anguish coming through in her music, Lavigne's approach is just like a slap in the face to her ex husband whilst she projectile pisses on him using a she-wee. Its time to grow up and learn some respect for people other than yourself.
Friday 25 February 2011
If you can't play it on daytime radio, don't bother
Its been a while since i did any single reviews. Have we seen a new dawn of brilliant music? What do you think....?
Alexis Jordan - Good Girl
Deep joy. Another bland American songstrel has come along and seems prepared to build a career on making the same song over and over. This sounds practically identical to her previous portion of dripping Happiness.
Avril Lavigne - What The Hell
My thoughts exactly. What the hell is a woman in her late twenties doing making teenage angst music and dressing in a similar manner? Horribly predictable and sounds like every other Avril Lavigne record.
Dr Dre featuring Eminem and Skylar Gray - I Need A Doctor
Its the comeback we've all been waiting for! Dre is back and he's made his first record for a decade.... Or has he? Most of the record is given over the Eminem for one of his current trademark whiny, self pitying raps, most of what is left is the tedious and highly repetitious chorus and finally we have one short rap from Dre. Its a very weak comeback.
Jessie J - Price Tag
Even if it was free, i wouldn't.
Lady Gaga - Born This Way
Ignoring the obvious comparisons to Madonna's Express Yourself for a moment, this isn't a disaster by any means. Gaga seems to have (probably only temporarily) weened herself off the stupid earworms that blighted Telephone and Bad Romance in favour of recording a straightforward modern disco floorfiller. Surprisingly gimmick free.
Rihanna - S&M
Oh deep joy. Rihanna has released another record about Making Sexys With Boys and this time she's decided to sing about how whips and chains excite her. Except she doesn't most of the time because most radio stations are playing a heavily butchered version of the song, which is endlessly looped and repeated throughout in order to appeal to eight year olds, because ultimately every parent wants their eight year old singing "Sex in the air, you know i love the smell of it". Unlike Gaga's latest offering, there is no way of interpreting this in an innocent manner. Vile and despicable.
Take That - Kidz
Oooooh! Aren't they hardcore?!? Putting a "z" on the end?!? Actually, this upbeat protest warning themed tune is Take That's most interesting single since Shine and it comes from an album which is quite short of TT's now trademark epic anthems. Far more appealing than it deserves to be.
Breakage & Jess Mills - Fighting Fire
I'll probably end up loving this, but at the moment i simply can't decide on a conclusion about it. It feels like it should be a slow burning, crescendo building electro dance track, but never quite gets anywhere beyond its opening pace. If it does achieve anything, it is the sense of menace which runs all the way through it. Its certainly interesting and i find it confusing whilst familiar, which has to be a good thing.
The Strokes - Under Cover of Darkness
Lead vocalist Julian Casablancas has lost his vocal distortion effects machine and there are one too many flat notes in this. For a band making so much noise about how creative they are since they've reformed it sounds like old Strokes by numbers to me, except without the massive riffs of songs like Reptillia and Last Night.
Clare Maguire - The Last Dance
I don't get it. Clare Maguire is supposed to be one of the big new things of 2011, but this dull pop dance record could have been released any time in the past fifteen years and nobody would have cared.
Alexis Jordan - Good Girl
Deep joy. Another bland American songstrel has come along and seems prepared to build a career on making the same song over and over. This sounds practically identical to her previous portion of dripping Happiness.
Avril Lavigne - What The Hell
My thoughts exactly. What the hell is a woman in her late twenties doing making teenage angst music and dressing in a similar manner? Horribly predictable and sounds like every other Avril Lavigne record.
Dr Dre featuring Eminem and Skylar Gray - I Need A Doctor
Its the comeback we've all been waiting for! Dre is back and he's made his first record for a decade.... Or has he? Most of the record is given over the Eminem for one of his current trademark whiny, self pitying raps, most of what is left is the tedious and highly repetitious chorus and finally we have one short rap from Dre. Its a very weak comeback.
Jessie J - Price Tag
Even if it was free, i wouldn't.
Lady Gaga - Born This Way
Ignoring the obvious comparisons to Madonna's Express Yourself for a moment, this isn't a disaster by any means. Gaga seems to have (probably only temporarily) weened herself off the stupid earworms that blighted Telephone and Bad Romance in favour of recording a straightforward modern disco floorfiller. Surprisingly gimmick free.
Rihanna - S&M
Oh deep joy. Rihanna has released another record about Making Sexys With Boys and this time she's decided to sing about how whips and chains excite her. Except she doesn't most of the time because most radio stations are playing a heavily butchered version of the song, which is endlessly looped and repeated throughout in order to appeal to eight year olds, because ultimately every parent wants their eight year old singing "Sex in the air, you know i love the smell of it". Unlike Gaga's latest offering, there is no way of interpreting this in an innocent manner. Vile and despicable.
Take That - Kidz
Oooooh! Aren't they hardcore?!? Putting a "z" on the end?!? Actually, this upbeat protest warning themed tune is Take That's most interesting single since Shine and it comes from an album which is quite short of TT's now trademark epic anthems. Far more appealing than it deserves to be.
Breakage & Jess Mills - Fighting Fire
I'll probably end up loving this, but at the moment i simply can't decide on a conclusion about it. It feels like it should be a slow burning, crescendo building electro dance track, but never quite gets anywhere beyond its opening pace. If it does achieve anything, it is the sense of menace which runs all the way through it. Its certainly interesting and i find it confusing whilst familiar, which has to be a good thing.
The Strokes - Under Cover of Darkness
Lead vocalist Julian Casablancas has lost his vocal distortion effects machine and there are one too many flat notes in this. For a band making so much noise about how creative they are since they've reformed it sounds like old Strokes by numbers to me, except without the massive riffs of songs like Reptillia and Last Night.
Clare Maguire - The Last Dance
I don't get it. Clare Maguire is supposed to be one of the big new things of 2011, but this dull pop dance record could have been released any time in the past fifteen years and nobody would have cared.
Sunday 13 February 2011
The Circus comes to town
Every so often, something breaks in the media which is so calculated in order to cause outrage and anger that i can't believe there is so much in depth analysis of the happening because it is so damn obvious that the whole incident is a gratuitous show to sell newspapers, promote a person or event or just generally make money.
The recent Top Gear "incident" where Jeremy Clarkson and Richard Hammond roundly laid in to the Mexicans as a race was clearly the "moment" for this series which was engineered to get massive press and wider media coverage and thus higher ratings and raised profiles for the personnel involved. There is a moment like this in every series of Top Gear, perhaps it'll be Jeremy Clarkson saying that all murders are committed by truck drivers or alledging an electric car has broken down when it in fact didn't. You know the sort of thing - it'll wind up the left wing press something rotten and spark the sort of outrage that is normally reserved for pension mismanagement. The right wing red top press will have a field day as it is precisely the sort of thing their readership will love because they are the people to whom Jeremy Clarkson is the holiest cow.
Now lets take a moment to look at the evidence to this theory: Richard Hammond is normally the giggling child in the background of all the dumb schemes come up with by ringleader Clarkson and rarely has anything deeply offensive the say, yet in this particular segment of the programme he went completely overboard and crucially out of character. He simply doesn't do rants of that length in the previous episodes, which leads me to believe the whole thing was closely scripted, if not word for word.
What amazes me is the sheer level of gullible idiots who are taken in by the circus coming to town and will head out into their newspapers casting utter damnation upon the perpetrators of the controversy. Steve Coogan wrong a long diatribe in the Observer about how offensive his chums at Top Gear are to ultimately gain nothing except people all over the country reading about how he had written a long diatribe in the Observer. It barely added anything to Coogan's fairly low profile, but it did keep Clarkson et al in the media spotlight for another couple of days.
The incident and associated playground chattering also found comment from other lazy journalists such as the awful Julie Burchill in the Independent (and offshoot i), who managed to turn it all around to how its fine to make jokes about women and the disabled.
It wouldn't surprise me if the Coogan article had been organised by Clarkson and Top Gear producer Andy Milman to gain some media coverage for the both of them.
So in summary, look forward to the next controversy next time Top Gear is on. It'll be a couple or three episodes into the series and it'll gain coverage in every newspaper because ultimately it benefits everyone - the newspapers will sell more copies with "CLARKSON'S NEW CONTROVERSY" teased on the front and Top Gear will get more viewers. Everyones a winner, eh?
The recent Top Gear "incident" where Jeremy Clarkson and Richard Hammond roundly laid in to the Mexicans as a race was clearly the "moment" for this series which was engineered to get massive press and wider media coverage and thus higher ratings and raised profiles for the personnel involved. There is a moment like this in every series of Top Gear, perhaps it'll be Jeremy Clarkson saying that all murders are committed by truck drivers or alledging an electric car has broken down when it in fact didn't. You know the sort of thing - it'll wind up the left wing press something rotten and spark the sort of outrage that is normally reserved for pension mismanagement. The right wing red top press will have a field day as it is precisely the sort of thing their readership will love because they are the people to whom Jeremy Clarkson is the holiest cow.
Now lets take a moment to look at the evidence to this theory: Richard Hammond is normally the giggling child in the background of all the dumb schemes come up with by ringleader Clarkson and rarely has anything deeply offensive the say, yet in this particular segment of the programme he went completely overboard and crucially out of character. He simply doesn't do rants of that length in the previous episodes, which leads me to believe the whole thing was closely scripted, if not word for word.
What amazes me is the sheer level of gullible idiots who are taken in by the circus coming to town and will head out into their newspapers casting utter damnation upon the perpetrators of the controversy. Steve Coogan wrong a long diatribe in the Observer about how offensive his chums at Top Gear are to ultimately gain nothing except people all over the country reading about how he had written a long diatribe in the Observer. It barely added anything to Coogan's fairly low profile, but it did keep Clarkson et al in the media spotlight for another couple of days.
The incident and associated playground chattering also found comment from other lazy journalists such as the awful Julie Burchill in the Independent (and offshoot i), who managed to turn it all around to how its fine to make jokes about women and the disabled.
It wouldn't surprise me if the Coogan article had been organised by Clarkson and Top Gear producer Andy Milman to gain some media coverage for the both of them.
So in summary, look forward to the next controversy next time Top Gear is on. It'll be a couple or three episodes into the series and it'll gain coverage in every newspaper because ultimately it benefits everyone - the newspapers will sell more copies with "CLARKSON'S NEW CONTROVERSY" teased on the front and Top Gear will get more viewers. Everyones a winner, eh?
Wednesday 9 February 2011
One product, many different flavours
Now i don't travel around the country as much as i'd like, but this past weekend @forkinabucket and myself travelled up to Liverpool for a long weekend. Out of interest, we spent the trip up listening to BBC local radio stations, retuning when we lost contact with each frequency.
We left home listening to...
BBC Somerset, Emma Britton (0900-1200)
Now i'm already familiar with the Emma Britton show, often tuning to BBC Bristol or Somerset in advance of the brilliant Steve Yabsley show at midday. There isn't a marked contrast between Bristol's Graham Torrington and Somerset's Emma Britton; Torrington is a traditional laid-back local radio jock (he even does a Saturday night Late Night Love show just to complete the cliche), whilst Britton is a rather parochial, but enthusiastic broadcaster who is able to demonstrate interest in the tedious, compassion to the dramatic and a smile to the foibles of county life. If i'm being totally honest, i was of the opinion that because the differences between Bristol and Somerset were so slight that the rest of the country would follow the same template of gentle, easy-listening and often twee programming.
BBC Hereford & Worcestershire, Andrew Easton (1200-1600)
New Zealander Andrew Easton carries the mammoth four hour afternoon shift on BBC Hereford and Worcestershire. The stretch of the show we listened to felt like a bit of a timewarp to Radio 2 in the 90s with a fairly standard guess the year quiz featuring music and reminiscences of the 1960s. After that, the show continued on in a fairly lighthearted and irreverent manner with good humoured wit and lively presentation. Overall, a well recommended and entertaining show.
Somewhere around Birmingham, we started losing H&W and i did a quick scan up the airwaves to find not the expected BBC Birmingham, but...
BBC Leicester, Jonathon Lampon (1200-1500)
Despite not really being anywhere near Leicester, we came up with the BBC service from the city and decided to stick with it. Lampon's show contains a fairly well balanced current affairs discussion (today concerning standards of language), introduced with a well thought out collection of potential avenues of continuation. The depth of the material varies considerably throughout the show, but Lampon manages to deliver it consistently throughout. Imagine the Jeremy Vine show without the anger and bitterness and you're pretty much on the level of where this show sits. It serves a worthwhile purpose, i found it very informative and interesting.
We lost contact with Leicester as we were approaching the Potteries and after a couple of ILRs, we unsurprisingly came in to reach of...
BBC Stoke, Paula White (The Afternoon Show, 1300-1600)
The first show we had heard which includes a catchphrase ("Hiya Duck"), which is used at the beginning of every message or conversation and becomes somewhat irritating after a while. We know you're a local radio station broadcaster, you don't need to ram it down our throats. To my ears, Paula White doesn't sound like a natural radio host and her delivery is a bit stop-start a lot of the time and she can get a bit whoopy whilst laughing at her own jokes. Her show is very conversational, which might stand a better chance of working if she had somebody else in the studio to bounce off because there are far too many awkward silences. On the whole she is overdoing the "local lass" thing a bit too much and the result feels very contrived.
BBC Merseyside, Billy Butler (1400-1700)
I'll admit an interest here, as i've heard several previous Billy Butler shows (including his legendary Scouse quiz spoof Hold Your Plums) and always found him to be an affable and likeable character. BBC Radio Merseyside is a station which very much caters to its audience and feels very much more cosmopolitan than anything else we'd been listening to on the way up. After being subjected to Radio Stoke, Billy Butler's show is remarkably slick and well put together.
More on the Mersey...
Over the rest of the long weekend we listened to Radio Merseyside a lot and found the output at times to be quite challenging. I don't think i've heard radio output with such a high level of genuine interest in the fundamentals of politics and policy outside of the likes of Radio 4 and the contributors to the phone-ins and open forum style shows (particularly 1200-1400) seem far better informed than the average joe calling in to most programmes.
On Saturday night, Linda McDermott hosted a well-promoted event "Come Dine at Mine", which encouraged listeners to hold simultaneous dinner parties as part of a fundraising mission for Clatterbridge Cancer Centre. Considering it was a one-off, the show was an absolute delight with plenty of guests in the studio, good humour and an entertaining food quiz. The whole programme captured the convivial dinner party style atmosphere perfectly and demonstrated remarkably good planning and preparation.
We left home listening to...
BBC Somerset, Emma Britton (0900-1200)
Now i'm already familiar with the Emma Britton show, often tuning to BBC Bristol or Somerset in advance of the brilliant Steve Yabsley show at midday. There isn't a marked contrast between Bristol's Graham Torrington and Somerset's Emma Britton; Torrington is a traditional laid-back local radio jock (he even does a Saturday night Late Night Love show just to complete the cliche), whilst Britton is a rather parochial, but enthusiastic broadcaster who is able to demonstrate interest in the tedious, compassion to the dramatic and a smile to the foibles of county life. If i'm being totally honest, i was of the opinion that because the differences between Bristol and Somerset were so slight that the rest of the country would follow the same template of gentle, easy-listening and often twee programming.
BBC Hereford & Worcestershire, Andrew Easton (1200-1600)
New Zealander Andrew Easton carries the mammoth four hour afternoon shift on BBC Hereford and Worcestershire. The stretch of the show we listened to felt like a bit of a timewarp to Radio 2 in the 90s with a fairly standard guess the year quiz featuring music and reminiscences of the 1960s. After that, the show continued on in a fairly lighthearted and irreverent manner with good humoured wit and lively presentation. Overall, a well recommended and entertaining show.
Somewhere around Birmingham, we started losing H&W and i did a quick scan up the airwaves to find not the expected BBC Birmingham, but...
BBC Leicester, Jonathon Lampon (1200-1500)
Despite not really being anywhere near Leicester, we came up with the BBC service from the city and decided to stick with it. Lampon's show contains a fairly well balanced current affairs discussion (today concerning standards of language), introduced with a well thought out collection of potential avenues of continuation. The depth of the material varies considerably throughout the show, but Lampon manages to deliver it consistently throughout. Imagine the Jeremy Vine show without the anger and bitterness and you're pretty much on the level of where this show sits. It serves a worthwhile purpose, i found it very informative and interesting.
We lost contact with Leicester as we were approaching the Potteries and after a couple of ILRs, we unsurprisingly came in to reach of...
BBC Stoke, Paula White (The Afternoon Show, 1300-1600)
The first show we had heard which includes a catchphrase ("Hiya Duck"), which is used at the beginning of every message or conversation and becomes somewhat irritating after a while. We know you're a local radio station broadcaster, you don't need to ram it down our throats. To my ears, Paula White doesn't sound like a natural radio host and her delivery is a bit stop-start a lot of the time and she can get a bit whoopy whilst laughing at her own jokes. Her show is very conversational, which might stand a better chance of working if she had somebody else in the studio to bounce off because there are far too many awkward silences. On the whole she is overdoing the "local lass" thing a bit too much and the result feels very contrived.
On to the content of the programme. A lot of it was fairly inane local radio call-in fare (how to get children off to sleep) and weak competitions (one line of a film - name the movie) without a great deal of material appearing to be particularly planned. In contrast to the formatted layout of some of my local programmes, one topic seems to suffice for at least half an hour with minimal effort to build anything else around it. Perhaps listening to Steve Yabsley has left me with high expectations of how much effort people should put in to their programmes.
But anyway, the most disturbing aspect of the show was a short segment at around 1310 where the host followed on from the sleeping children phone-in and was left to read out (apparently almost word for word) some knee-jerk story from a right-wing daily newspaper in the same tone as had been used for the rest of the show. It all felt incredibly judgemental and wrong in the context of the otherwise light and fluffy programme, especially as she immediately snapped back out of it and in to a delightfully unoriginal whinge about a chatty woman on the bus.
On the day we were travelling, Comic Relief was launching all over the country and various comedians and comic actors were giving interviews to practically every outlet of the BBC all over the country. Stoke's guest was Stephen Mangan, who proved that Paula is far more at ease when she has somebody else to bounce off of.
Now if i'm being totally honest, we hadn't fully lost contact with Stoke, but i could feel myself getting irritated by the stilted presentation of Ms White and the erratic nature of the show, so we scanned again and found...
BBC Merseyside, Billy Butler (1400-1700)
I'll admit an interest here, as i've heard several previous Billy Butler shows (including his legendary Scouse quiz spoof Hold Your Plums) and always found him to be an affable and likeable character. BBC Radio Merseyside is a station which very much caters to its audience and feels very much more cosmopolitan than anything else we'd been listening to on the way up. After being subjected to Radio Stoke, Billy Butler's show is remarkably slick and well put together.
More on the Mersey...
Over the rest of the long weekend we listened to Radio Merseyside a lot and found the output at times to be quite challenging. I don't think i've heard radio output with such a high level of genuine interest in the fundamentals of politics and policy outside of the likes of Radio 4 and the contributors to the phone-ins and open forum style shows (particularly 1200-1400) seem far better informed than the average joe calling in to most programmes.
On Saturday night, Linda McDermott hosted a well-promoted event "Come Dine at Mine", which encouraged listeners to hold simultaneous dinner parties as part of a fundraising mission for Clatterbridge Cancer Centre. Considering it was a one-off, the show was an absolute delight with plenty of guests in the studio, good humour and an entertaining food quiz. The whole programme captured the convivial dinner party style atmosphere perfectly and demonstrated remarkably good planning and preparation.
And while we're on the subject...
For some time now i've been listening to the Toby Foster: Bigger at Breakfast podcasts of BBC Radio Sheffield and it seems only fair to add a brief comment on this as i'm doing the other local radio i've been listening to. There was comment passed on the Radio 1 Breakfast Show when the last set of listening figures came out that they struggled for popularity in South Yorkshire and i think this show is the reason why - Toby Foster and his accomplices are delivering a product similar to that of the Radio 1 show with plenty of irreverent chat and comic diversions, yet tailored to the local audience. Its a no-brainer that Foster's show will attract a higher number of local listeners than a national show fronted by a man from the home of the arch rivals of South Ridingites, Leeds.
But what about ILR?
Most of it is crap, which is a shame because it never used to be. Star Bristol has just been dispensed with in favour of "Breeze 107.2", which has been advertised on billboards all over the city by a pair of legs. Quite how a pair of legs is supposed to signify a radio station, i don't know. Breeze effectively takes over the format of the failed Original 106.5, which was owned by the same group. All they have done is swap around the frequencies of the two stations and rebranded them, which is ultimately costly and pointless.
Tuesday 25 January 2011
EXCLUSIVE: NEW ALBUM LEAKS!
TOP STARS (or STARZ as the kids would say) have carelessly left their lists around after brainstorming ideas for their new albums....
Tinie Tempah's brainstorming session: Subjects to write tracks about for my new album.
1. How brilliant Tinie Tempah is.
2. How fantastic Tinie Tempah is.
3. How shizzle all the haters is.
4. How being Tinie Tempah is like da bomb.
5. How much cash i has got because i is Tinie Tempah.
6. How easy it is to get pussy cos i is Tinie Tempah.
7. How many clothes i has got.
8. How many cars i has got.
9. How much money i made from idiots who bought the first album.
10. How nobody used to like Tinie Tempah but everybody does now.
IMPORTENT: And don't forget to mention that "I'm in charge", "brrraaap!" and HOW BRILLIANT TINIE TEMPAH IS on EVERY TRACK.
Rihanna's list of ideas to get people to write songs about for me:
1. Sex.
2. Being sexed.
3. Giving sexys to boys.
4. Not wanting sex.
5. Big willies and sex with them.
6. Shouting during sex.
7. More sex.
8. Mouth sex.
9. Bedroom sexy times.
10. CHRIS BROWN BEAT ME UP!!! WAAAAH!! WAH!!! WAH!!!!1111one111
Scouting for Girls' new album song subjects brainstorm:
1. Postboxes.
2. Baked beans.
3. London taxis.
4. Routemaster buses.
5. Fish and chips.
6. Roses.
7. Castles.
8. The Union Flag.
9. Michaela Strachan. Again. Nobody'll notice.
10. The Queen.
11. Bonus Track: Full English Breakfast.
Tinie Tempah's brainstorming session: Subjects to write tracks about for my new album.
1. How brilliant Tinie Tempah is.
2. How fantastic Tinie Tempah is.
3. How shizzle all the haters is.
4. How being Tinie Tempah is like da bomb.
5. How much cash i has got because i is Tinie Tempah.
6. How easy it is to get pussy cos i is Tinie Tempah.
7. How many clothes i has got.
8. How many cars i has got.
9. How much money i made from idiots who bought the first album.
10. How nobody used to like Tinie Tempah but everybody does now.
IMPORTENT: And don't forget to mention that "I'm in charge", "brrraaap!" and HOW BRILLIANT TINIE TEMPAH IS on EVERY TRACK.
Rihanna's list of ideas to get people to write songs about for me:
1. Sex.
2. Being sexed.
3. Giving sexys to boys.
4. Not wanting sex.
5. Big willies and sex with them.
6. Shouting during sex.
7. More sex.
8. Mouth sex.
9. Bedroom sexy times.
10. CHRIS BROWN BEAT ME UP!!! WAAAAH!! WAH!!! WAH!!!!1111one111
Scouting for Girls' new album song subjects brainstorm:
1. Postboxes.
2. Baked beans.
3. London taxis.
4. Routemaster buses.
5. Fish and chips.
6. Roses.
7. Castles.
8. The Union Flag.
9. Michaela Strachan. Again. Nobody'll notice.
10. The Queen.
11. Bonus Track: Full English Breakfast.
Monday 10 January 2011
THE TURDS ON A STICK for 2010
WORST RECORD OF THE YEAR: Jessie J - Do It Like A Dude
Cringeworthy, crass, white girl rap. Apparently Jessie J is the "Sound of 2011". If thats the case, then i want to go deaf before the end of January. This record is a true abomination of simple human decency because it celebrates all the traditional traits of male aggression by saying its fine as long as its women being aggressive. The painful truth is that is a sad indictment of British society however you look at it, whether its males being cock-driven morons or women trying to ape them. Having a record to celebrate this does nothing that should be commended.
Runner Up: Ellie Goulding - Your Song
This is a perfect example of how to resurrect a dying career. Eight months after all the hype surrounding Ellie Goulding being the Sound of 2010 has died off, she was left staring at obscurity until some bright spark at the record company had an idea - why not record a predictable swoopy acoustic cover of an Elton John song? The bundle it on the flopped Lights album to try and boost the sales of that? This is despite the fact that this couldn't be further from the music which got her all the critical attention in the first place. In terms of selling out, you couldn't get any more sold. Then of course, we'll get the song used on a Christmas advert and laugh all the way to the bank....
HEARTSINK ARTIST OF THE YEAR: Rihanna
I honestly thought the British public had got over the Rihanna craze once the hype eventually died down from the Good Girl Gone Bad album, but after the relative failure of Rated R, she has returned with a new album which seems to be entirely made of radio-friendly songs about sex, which is truly dispicable. The lyrical content of tracks like Rudeboy, Hard and Whats My Name are just vile. There have been artists who have recorded songs with thinly veiled meanings in the past, but none are as blatantly crass as a single verse of Rudeboy. If Britain wants to be outraged about children being exposed to explicit sexual material, then Rihanna should be held up as the worst offender. Perhaps her earnings should be offset against the cost of catering to the social needs of Britains teenage parents.
WORST BROADCASTER OF THE YEAR: Steve Wright (BBC Radio 2)
Also a frontrunner in the Biggest Head category, Radio 2's lumbering dinosaur and his "Big Show" are becoming an embarassment. Nobody can deny the fact that Wright is still doing the same show he was doing on Radio 1 in the early 90s, just with the characters replaced by the Factoids. Ahh yes, the Craptoids. The raison d'etre for a feature like this should be that it runs for a minute or so before the audience gets bored and preferably it should have some entertainment value. Steve Wright's version has neither of these aspects - the feature feels like it goes on for hours and is painfully dull.
MOST STUPID EARWORM OF THE YEAR: Cheryl Cole - Promise This
I've never really understood the appeal of Cheryl Cole's brand of tedium-pop, and this vaguely half-decent song was totally ruined by the tribal styled chanting of "Alouetta-etta-etta" which was only included to make the song appeal to three year olds and their mental equivalents. 2010 was hopefully the year at which this earworm mania reached its peak, what with Taio Cruz (ai-o-galileo on Dynamite), Katy Perry (the California Girls lyric replacement programme for when you're bored of writing proper words) and the utterly vile Willow Smith (Whipping her hair back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth).
THE APPLE AWARD FOR SERVICES TO KILL THE MUSIC INDUSTRY: Jay-Z
If there is one person who seems to be completely creatively spent, it is Jay-Z. None of his output as an artist, producer or puppet master in the past eighteen months has shown any spark of inspiration, just a lame retreading of previous works. We can only take so much lazy, repetitive lyrical work about how fantastic it is to be Jay-Z and as rich as Bill Gates. In signing "artists" like Willow Smith and recording heavily autotune-laden tracks with choruses made from a single line repeated over and over and over and over and over until they stick in your brain like a crack addict's craving.
Cringeworthy, crass, white girl rap. Apparently Jessie J is the "Sound of 2011". If thats the case, then i want to go deaf before the end of January. This record is a true abomination of simple human decency because it celebrates all the traditional traits of male aggression by saying its fine as long as its women being aggressive. The painful truth is that is a sad indictment of British society however you look at it, whether its males being cock-driven morons or women trying to ape them. Having a record to celebrate this does nothing that should be commended.
Runner Up: Ellie Goulding - Your Song
This is a perfect example of how to resurrect a dying career. Eight months after all the hype surrounding Ellie Goulding being the Sound of 2010 has died off, she was left staring at obscurity until some bright spark at the record company had an idea - why not record a predictable swoopy acoustic cover of an Elton John song? The bundle it on the flopped Lights album to try and boost the sales of that? This is despite the fact that this couldn't be further from the music which got her all the critical attention in the first place. In terms of selling out, you couldn't get any more sold. Then of course, we'll get the song used on a Christmas advert and laugh all the way to the bank....
HEARTSINK ARTIST OF THE YEAR: Rihanna
I honestly thought the British public had got over the Rihanna craze once the hype eventually died down from the Good Girl Gone Bad album, but after the relative failure of Rated R, she has returned with a new album which seems to be entirely made of radio-friendly songs about sex, which is truly dispicable. The lyrical content of tracks like Rudeboy, Hard and Whats My Name are just vile. There have been artists who have recorded songs with thinly veiled meanings in the past, but none are as blatantly crass as a single verse of Rudeboy. If Britain wants to be outraged about children being exposed to explicit sexual material, then Rihanna should be held up as the worst offender. Perhaps her earnings should be offset against the cost of catering to the social needs of Britains teenage parents.
WORST BROADCASTER OF THE YEAR: Steve Wright (BBC Radio 2)
Also a frontrunner in the Biggest Head category, Radio 2's lumbering dinosaur and his "Big Show" are becoming an embarassment. Nobody can deny the fact that Wright is still doing the same show he was doing on Radio 1 in the early 90s, just with the characters replaced by the Factoids. Ahh yes, the Craptoids. The raison d'etre for a feature like this should be that it runs for a minute or so before the audience gets bored and preferably it should have some entertainment value. Steve Wright's version has neither of these aspects - the feature feels like it goes on for hours and is painfully dull.
MOST STUPID EARWORM OF THE YEAR: Cheryl Cole - Promise This
I've never really understood the appeal of Cheryl Cole's brand of tedium-pop, and this vaguely half-decent song was totally ruined by the tribal styled chanting of "Alouetta-etta-etta" which was only included to make the song appeal to three year olds and their mental equivalents. 2010 was hopefully the year at which this earworm mania reached its peak, what with Taio Cruz (ai-o-galileo on Dynamite), Katy Perry (the California Girls lyric replacement programme for when you're bored of writing proper words) and the utterly vile Willow Smith (Whipping her hair back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth).
THE APPLE AWARD FOR SERVICES TO KILL THE MUSIC INDUSTRY: Jay-Z
If there is one person who seems to be completely creatively spent, it is Jay-Z. None of his output as an artist, producer or puppet master in the past eighteen months has shown any spark of inspiration, just a lame retreading of previous works. We can only take so much lazy, repetitive lyrical work about how fantastic it is to be Jay-Z and as rich as Bill Gates. In signing "artists" like Willow Smith and recording heavily autotune-laden tracks with choruses made from a single line repeated over and over and over and over and over until they stick in your brain like a crack addict's craving.
Thursday 6 January 2011
THE JOPI AWARDS for 2010
Lets see how many paragraphs of positivity i can manage...
SONG OF THE YEAR: DJ Rebel & FTW - You Can Call Me Al (FTW Radio Edit / Extended Versions)
As with 2009, this is awarded to the record which most made me sit up and take notice in 2010. This was a record i obtained in the traditional way, from the bargain bin of a branch of Free Record Shop (i think in Geel) for the huge sum of €0,20. The lead track mixed by DJ Rebel is useless - the awful synth brass ruins it. The second, mixed by Frank T Wallace (FTW) completely supercedes it in every way being the epitome of everything a proper cover version should be, offering something new and fresh to the original. From the opening menacing chord, the tone is set for something far more dramatic than you'd expect on a throwaway dance single. The vocals are subtley different to Paul Simon's originals without tons of processing or overproduction. Then we get to the main instrumental hook of the song which is just phenomenal and blows me away every time. In a year where dance music in the mainstream media has died on its arse, this was one of a very small number of highlights.
Worthwhile mentions: Das Pop - Wings is just beautiful. The Bloody Beetroots - Warp 1977 was the year's most brilliantly stark assault on the ears.
SINGLE OF THE YEAR: Manic Street Preachers - Its Not War (Just The End of Love)
Single of the Year is awarded to a brilliant song which arrived as part of a proper CD single EP, offering four different and interesting tracks. The sheer variety of the tracks on the single was impressive, ranging from the expansive lead track to the skiffle-stomp of I'm Leaving You for Solitude, the political indie of Distractions and an accomplished instrumental in Ostpolitik. This was the lead single from their album Postcards from a Young Man, but the song attracted a relatively small level of airplay considering how good it was.
Worthwhile mentions: Barely any this year. I've ordered the follow-up MSP single (Some Kind of Nothingness) on the strength of this one, but most of the physical format singles i bought during 2010 were bargain bin wonders. No music retailer seems to show any interest any more.
ALBUM OF THE YEAR: Das Pop - Das Pop
Although it wasn't released during 2010, i discovered this album during the year hence why it makes this list. Das Pop's 2009 album is a work of straightforward pop with dark edges and occasional irregular patterns that make it work on daytime radio or as something to provoke thought. The album is packed with hooks and ideas which leave most artists (particularly those in the British mainstream) standing. Of course, as it can't be pidgeonholed as Dubstep, Radio 1 aren't interested. Sadly, even 6Music seems determined to ignore a band which should be spot on for their remit. The good news is that they spent most of 2010 working on a new album which should hopefully see the light during 2011, so perhaps they'll retain this accolade?
RADIO STATION OF THE YEAR: Studio Brussel (Belgium)
It really is difficult to fault Belgium's Studio Brussel who take this award for the second year. The problem i have is that no British broadcaster delivers a consisitently good product in the same way as StuBru. It is extrememely rare that i have a "Quick! Turn it off!" moment with Studio Brussel in the way that i do with the likes of Fearne Cotton, Steve Wright, Nick Grimshaw, Heart or Chris Evans. They also seem to adhere to their remit a lot better than most British broadcasters, a massively diverse playlist of new and old music without the boundaries of cool or demographics which seem to blight output from these shores. If you want a quick window on the StuBru world, a good place to start is their weekly listener vote show De Afrekening, which is helpfully available in its entirety as a podcast.
MUSIC RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: Ken Bruce on Radio 2
This is a bit of a curved ball. Ken Bruce is quietly making himself indispensable on Radio 2 amidst the myriad of shite that the station is putting out otherwise during daytimes. Chris Evans is busy growing his ego again (i give him six months at the most before he implodes again), Jeremy Vine simply regurgitates the Daily Mail for two hours and Steve Wright is patronising and delivering a stale, lame donkey of a show. Between all of this, Ken Bruce is doing a fine job on the morning show without shouting about it. From the PopMaster quiz where music anoraks join together each morning to shout at the radio, we get cast into the mysterious 10:30 to 11am slot where any playlist seems to get cast aside and it quite often features long unheard ten or twelve minute tracks in their entirety. Its a fascinating show which can easily pass you by if you're not thinking about it.
Worthwhile mentions: Straight to the other end of the musical spectrum, Kutski's show on Radio 1 is brilliant with a mix of new and old energised dance (i don't like using the phrase Hard Dance as it makes people think of talentless one note wonders like Lisa Lashes). Likewise, Rob da Bank makes the most consistent delivery of excellent new leftfield music every week on Radio 1's Saturday morning paperboy slot.
FACTUAL RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: The Ghost Trains of Old England (Ian Marchant, BBC Radio 4)
I've long been a fan of Ian Marchant's writing and this one-off programme on Parliamentary Trains and railway stations served once a week was the most blissful half hour of speech radio all year. Put together in the way the only Radio 4 can manage, this gently tells a story which would otherwise never been known by most people and Ian Marchant's offbeat presentation fits his subject matter perfectly. I just wish it had been extended to run as a two or three part series as it felt like there was plenty of material to justify it.
SPORT RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: Danny Baker (BBC Five Live)
Radio Five Live is at its best when it isn't taking itself too seriously. There are far too many opportunities for people to phone up broadcasters and complain about things, but not enough for them to call in and be daft. Danny Baker's Saturday show is one of the places where such irreverency is not only allowed, but positively encouraged. Until his illness enforced sabbatical from the programme in the autumn Baker had been on fine form, never running short of the eclectic barrage of superb quality ideas that fill the programme each week. The only problem was really that there were too many to keep track of. Aside from a few weeks after Danny went public with his cacner treatment, Alan Davies and Ian Stone have been sitting in for the show and doing a sterling job keeping the Pirate Ship afloat in the manner to which the regular listeners have become accusomed. Nevertheless, i hope Danny makes a swift and strong recovery.
Worthwhile mention: Chappers and Dave have reunited to host the erratically scheduled Soccer Express on some Monday evenings. Being only a half hour slot, the show tends to feel like it is just getting in to its stride as it finishes.
COMEDY RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: Mark Steel's In Town (Radio 4)
On paper, this should be merely average. The premise is that Mark Steel visits a town usually considered something of a backwater and does a stand up show, which would be fairly lame if it weren't for Steel's meticulous research. It must be a very daunting prospect coming to a town as an outsider and presenting a stand up routine on local history, events and politics, but Mark Steel not only pulls it off, but does so with massive success.
Worthwhile mentions: It had to happen eventually, 2010 was the year i finally started getting my head around Bleak Expectations. Lucy Montgomery's Variety Pack was on the verge of brilliant, but let down by a couple of duff sketches.
BROADCASTER OF THE YEAR: Richard Allinson (BBC Radio 2 / Cumbria)
Richard Allinson is a remarkably talented man. He can make Steve Wright's show listenable. This is mainly because he dispenses with all the fluff, cheering, Craptoids and general ego stroking and just gets on with playing some decent music with intelligent chatter in between. Its just a shame he was only doing it as an interim measure. I suppose its enough to make do with having his early breakfast show on weekends, plus my recent discovery of his "Allinson's Albums" show on BBC Cumbria which deserves promotion to national coverage because there aren't enough programmes where the presenters can talk in an erudite manner about the music without talking all over it. Some of on the Albums show is refreshingly edgy for BBC Local Radio too. Richard Allinson is consistently one of the best voices to listen to on radio.
LIVE ACT OF THE YEAR: Dan le Sac vs Scroobius Pip
Dan and Pip are one of the most entertaining live acts you'll see. So few British hip-hop acts have anything even approaching a personality, and those that do let their ego get away with themselves. Despite the fact that they've been touring and working for several years now, Pip still has a considerable fire in his belly and numerous messages to spur his creativity into action. Their second album was a bit patchy and lacked the overall flow and consistency of the first, but when performed live each track feels much punchier.
MUSIC RETAILER OF THE YEAR: Free Record Shop
If a trio of countries without a musical heritage as rich as Britain can sustain a chain of the quality of Free Record Shop, then why is HMV closing stores and looking to be on the verge of giving up high street retail entirely? I know that the market for physical format music and multimedia is falling and what there is stands dominated by the supermarkets, but the Benelux chain seems to keep its market position whilst providing a better range of music in a small town store than HMV can manage in their larger stores.
HOPE FOR 2011...
I'd like to think that people would finally realise that Dubstep is brainless dreck devoid of any emotion, but given that most of the population seem to be happy to love whatever is foist upon them by a desperate music industry on the brink of oblivion, then perhaps i should just let them get on with it. Perhaps i should have a more realistic hope, such as the realisation by Radio 1's playlist morons that the entire populous doesn't see more traditional guitar based indie bands as uncool. But i won't hold my breath.
SONG OF THE YEAR: DJ Rebel & FTW - You Can Call Me Al (FTW Radio Edit / Extended Versions)
As with 2009, this is awarded to the record which most made me sit up and take notice in 2010. This was a record i obtained in the traditional way, from the bargain bin of a branch of Free Record Shop (i think in Geel) for the huge sum of €0,20. The lead track mixed by DJ Rebel is useless - the awful synth brass ruins it. The second, mixed by Frank T Wallace (FTW) completely supercedes it in every way being the epitome of everything a proper cover version should be, offering something new and fresh to the original. From the opening menacing chord, the tone is set for something far more dramatic than you'd expect on a throwaway dance single. The vocals are subtley different to Paul Simon's originals without tons of processing or overproduction. Then we get to the main instrumental hook of the song which is just phenomenal and blows me away every time. In a year where dance music in the mainstream media has died on its arse, this was one of a very small number of highlights.
Worthwhile mentions: Das Pop - Wings is just beautiful. The Bloody Beetroots - Warp 1977 was the year's most brilliantly stark assault on the ears.
SINGLE OF THE YEAR: Manic Street Preachers - Its Not War (Just The End of Love)
Single of the Year is awarded to a brilliant song which arrived as part of a proper CD single EP, offering four different and interesting tracks. The sheer variety of the tracks on the single was impressive, ranging from the expansive lead track to the skiffle-stomp of I'm Leaving You for Solitude, the political indie of Distractions and an accomplished instrumental in Ostpolitik. This was the lead single from their album Postcards from a Young Man, but the song attracted a relatively small level of airplay considering how good it was.
Worthwhile mentions: Barely any this year. I've ordered the follow-up MSP single (Some Kind of Nothingness) on the strength of this one, but most of the physical format singles i bought during 2010 were bargain bin wonders. No music retailer seems to show any interest any more.
ALBUM OF THE YEAR: Das Pop - Das Pop
Although it wasn't released during 2010, i discovered this album during the year hence why it makes this list. Das Pop's 2009 album is a work of straightforward pop with dark edges and occasional irregular patterns that make it work on daytime radio or as something to provoke thought. The album is packed with hooks and ideas which leave most artists (particularly those in the British mainstream) standing. Of course, as it can't be pidgeonholed as Dubstep, Radio 1 aren't interested. Sadly, even 6Music seems determined to ignore a band which should be spot on for their remit. The good news is that they spent most of 2010 working on a new album which should hopefully see the light during 2011, so perhaps they'll retain this accolade?
RADIO STATION OF THE YEAR: Studio Brussel (Belgium)
It really is difficult to fault Belgium's Studio Brussel who take this award for the second year. The problem i have is that no British broadcaster delivers a consisitently good product in the same way as StuBru. It is extrememely rare that i have a "Quick! Turn it off!" moment with Studio Brussel in the way that i do with the likes of Fearne Cotton, Steve Wright, Nick Grimshaw, Heart or Chris Evans. They also seem to adhere to their remit a lot better than most British broadcasters, a massively diverse playlist of new and old music without the boundaries of cool or demographics which seem to blight output from these shores. If you want a quick window on the StuBru world, a good place to start is their weekly listener vote show De Afrekening, which is helpfully available in its entirety as a podcast.
MUSIC RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: Ken Bruce on Radio 2
This is a bit of a curved ball. Ken Bruce is quietly making himself indispensable on Radio 2 amidst the myriad of shite that the station is putting out otherwise during daytimes. Chris Evans is busy growing his ego again (i give him six months at the most before he implodes again), Jeremy Vine simply regurgitates the Daily Mail for two hours and Steve Wright is patronising and delivering a stale, lame donkey of a show. Between all of this, Ken Bruce is doing a fine job on the morning show without shouting about it. From the PopMaster quiz where music anoraks join together each morning to shout at the radio, we get cast into the mysterious 10:30 to 11am slot where any playlist seems to get cast aside and it quite often features long unheard ten or twelve minute tracks in their entirety. Its a fascinating show which can easily pass you by if you're not thinking about it.
Worthwhile mentions: Straight to the other end of the musical spectrum, Kutski's show on Radio 1 is brilliant with a mix of new and old energised dance (i don't like using the phrase Hard Dance as it makes people think of talentless one note wonders like Lisa Lashes). Likewise, Rob da Bank makes the most consistent delivery of excellent new leftfield music every week on Radio 1's Saturday morning paperboy slot.
FACTUAL RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: The Ghost Trains of Old England (Ian Marchant, BBC Radio 4)
I've long been a fan of Ian Marchant's writing and this one-off programme on Parliamentary Trains and railway stations served once a week was the most blissful half hour of speech radio all year. Put together in the way the only Radio 4 can manage, this gently tells a story which would otherwise never been known by most people and Ian Marchant's offbeat presentation fits his subject matter perfectly. I just wish it had been extended to run as a two or three part series as it felt like there was plenty of material to justify it.
SPORT RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: Danny Baker (BBC Five Live)
Radio Five Live is at its best when it isn't taking itself too seriously. There are far too many opportunities for people to phone up broadcasters and complain about things, but not enough for them to call in and be daft. Danny Baker's Saturday show is one of the places where such irreverency is not only allowed, but positively encouraged. Until his illness enforced sabbatical from the programme in the autumn Baker had been on fine form, never running short of the eclectic barrage of superb quality ideas that fill the programme each week. The only problem was really that there were too many to keep track of. Aside from a few weeks after Danny went public with his cacner treatment, Alan Davies and Ian Stone have been sitting in for the show and doing a sterling job keeping the Pirate Ship afloat in the manner to which the regular listeners have become accusomed. Nevertheless, i hope Danny makes a swift and strong recovery.
Worthwhile mention: Chappers and Dave have reunited to host the erratically scheduled Soccer Express on some Monday evenings. Being only a half hour slot, the show tends to feel like it is just getting in to its stride as it finishes.
COMEDY RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: Mark Steel's In Town (Radio 4)
On paper, this should be merely average. The premise is that Mark Steel visits a town usually considered something of a backwater and does a stand up show, which would be fairly lame if it weren't for Steel's meticulous research. It must be a very daunting prospect coming to a town as an outsider and presenting a stand up routine on local history, events and politics, but Mark Steel not only pulls it off, but does so with massive success.
Worthwhile mentions: It had to happen eventually, 2010 was the year i finally started getting my head around Bleak Expectations. Lucy Montgomery's Variety Pack was on the verge of brilliant, but let down by a couple of duff sketches.
BROADCASTER OF THE YEAR: Richard Allinson (BBC Radio 2 / Cumbria)
Richard Allinson is a remarkably talented man. He can make Steve Wright's show listenable. This is mainly because he dispenses with all the fluff, cheering, Craptoids and general ego stroking and just gets on with playing some decent music with intelligent chatter in between. Its just a shame he was only doing it as an interim measure. I suppose its enough to make do with having his early breakfast show on weekends, plus my recent discovery of his "Allinson's Albums" show on BBC Cumbria which deserves promotion to national coverage because there aren't enough programmes where the presenters can talk in an erudite manner about the music without talking all over it. Some of on the Albums show is refreshingly edgy for BBC Local Radio too. Richard Allinson is consistently one of the best voices to listen to on radio.
LIVE ACT OF THE YEAR: Dan le Sac vs Scroobius Pip
Dan and Pip are one of the most entertaining live acts you'll see. So few British hip-hop acts have anything even approaching a personality, and those that do let their ego get away with themselves. Despite the fact that they've been touring and working for several years now, Pip still has a considerable fire in his belly and numerous messages to spur his creativity into action. Their second album was a bit patchy and lacked the overall flow and consistency of the first, but when performed live each track feels much punchier.
MUSIC RETAILER OF THE YEAR: Free Record Shop
If a trio of countries without a musical heritage as rich as Britain can sustain a chain of the quality of Free Record Shop, then why is HMV closing stores and looking to be on the verge of giving up high street retail entirely? I know that the market for physical format music and multimedia is falling and what there is stands dominated by the supermarkets, but the Benelux chain seems to keep its market position whilst providing a better range of music in a small town store than HMV can manage in their larger stores.
HOPE FOR 2011...
I'd like to think that people would finally realise that Dubstep is brainless dreck devoid of any emotion, but given that most of the population seem to be happy to love whatever is foist upon them by a desperate music industry on the brink of oblivion, then perhaps i should just let them get on with it. Perhaps i should have a more realistic hope, such as the realisation by Radio 1's playlist morons that the entire populous doesn't see more traditional guitar based indie bands as uncool. But i won't hold my breath.
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