And the sound of 2010 is... Paedo-pop

Loads of hype. Loads of excitement. Loads of DJs being paid to ignore their instinct and proclaim everything is brilliant. You could almost tell the BBC Sound of 2010 poll results were in.

But before we get to the winner, lets look at some of the other nominees...

Delphic are supposed to be the new prodigies in the "grumpy toddler band" market. Having performed one of the most bizarre interviews i've ever heard with the normally very adaptable Zane Lowe, they make epic soundscape indie and its rather dull.

Owl City didn't make the top five acts, which explains why the odd little bedroom cheese fest Fireflies went to number one shortly after the results were announced. Without doubt a one hit wonder, much like the Buggles who sound strangely familiar.

Marina and the Diamonds are the new Blondie. Not that we needed a new Blondie, particularly one that isn't quite as good and sounds a bit contrived. However, given the state of everything else that has been promoted, i can cope with them for now.

Everything Everything are possibly named after the Underworld live album of the same name, although i doubt it. Their description on the BBC's website is almost identical to that of Delphic and they sound like Maximo Park on a rainy Monday afternoon when Paul Smith has run out of biscuits.

Daisy Dares You are (or is) a 16 year old sixth former direct from stage school. But because she's a blonde and pretty 16 year old sixth former direct from stage school, she's apparently brilliant. Perhaps if her voice wasn't so squeaky and whiny, and her lyrics so trite and repetitive, there might be the makings of a vaguely decent act as the music isn't too bad when she shuts up. Just to irritate me even more, the omnipotent Chipmunk shows up on her debut mainstream single Number One Enemy to spout off about how Daisy's bout to taaaake off.

Now just in case Ms Daisy Dares You Coburn wasn't enough to get Gary Glitter all hot under the collar, we have this year's winner...

Ellie Goulding is 21 years old, blonde and has an odd shaped mouth. Unfortunately what comes from that mouth is a Bjork on helium-esque squeak which makes her sound about eight years old. Given that her records which have so far received airplay are about "all the boys before", "We're under the sheets, killing me" and "Next thing, we're touching", it all just sounds wrong to me. Very, very wrong. Of course, its all put together with barely any actual content, tons of autotune, even more production gimmicks and stupid sampling which makes it sound like Goulding actually is an eight year old with really bad ADHD.

Obviously actually writing songs wasn't a requirement for shortlisting in this year's poll, but sounding like jailbait was.