The Summer of Music Anger

Here be reviews. And excessive swearing, i expect.

Alexandra Stan - Mr Saxobeat
Inna - Sun Is Up
With your identical sounding Romanian dance music, you are really spoiling us, AATW. Inna's first hit last year featured this not-to-offensive plinky plonky electronica background, she followed it with two more and this year's example is no different. Fine if you like that sort of thing i suppose, but if you've heard one you've heard them all. Alexandra Stan's only offering to the party is some shit synthisised sax.

Coldplay - Every Teardrop is a Waterfall
I'm quite a fan of some of Coldplay's less popular back catalogue. I thought lead single from the previous album (Violet Hill) was a brilliant song, mainly because it dives off course a couple of times and explores some new ideas. This, the first single from their forthcoming new album, is a less joyous affair. Theres a bit of a verse, a lot of soaring anthemic style stadium rock going on, but sod all else besides and very little content of any note. After the first minute, you've heard the whole thing. Very disappointing.

David Guetta, Flo-Rida and Nicki Minaj - Where Them Girls At
Ye gads. I remember when David Guetta was a pioneer of French pop-house. With his ever faithful vocalist sidekick Chris Willis, there wasn't anything they couldn't achieve. Now Guetta is mates with lots of Americans and this latest output is just drivel. Jesus Christ himself only knows why Nicki Minaj is famous because she hasn't yet released a decent song. Her lyrics are trite, boring and delivered with a level of overacting seldom seen outside Hollyoaks. Flo Rida is doing exactly what he does and rapping in a cliched manner about clubbing. The whole thing is pathetic. Just take a listen to something like "Stay" or the original "Love Don't Let Me Go", or even "How Soon Is Now" from the first edition of the One Love album, all brilliant songs, but every single he releases now is a betrayal of his roots which ultimately are in Europe.

DJ Fresh ft Sian Evans - Louder
Somewhat more forthright than his previous hit (Golddust), this is a demonstration of how good dubstep could be if they'd actually put their minds to it. Although it still feels as though it needs a proper dance breakdown, its not at all bad and feels more menacing than a late night walk through Stokes Croft. If you liked the stalker-esque swagger of the Chase and Status track "Let You Go", this will almost certainly appeal.

Ed Sheeran - The A Team
Dull. Bored. Dribble. Acoustic folk music for the under 14s.

Hard-Fi - Good For Nothing
I've always been quite a fan of Hard-Fi and the rumour mill had been circulating for some time about their comeback being a real departure and ultimately it isn't. There is a lot more swagger about their attitude and the sound is a lot less polished than that found on their first two albums, but the same influences and origins are still there. It opens rather reminiscently of Jay-Z's "99 Problems", but the anger is far more controlled than many bands make it.

Nicole Scherzinger - Right There
"Me like the way that you touch my body" wails our Nicholas. Sorry, did i say Nicholas? I meant NICOLE. Obviously. This is barely literate bilge, delving below the depths of decency in order to make shagging music for preteens. Utterly vile and unneccessary. If i was Lewis Hamilton, i'd keep crashing out of races in protest.... oh...

Pitbull, Ne-Yo, Afrojack and Nayer - Give Me Everything
Nayer? What sort of a name is that? It makes you sound like a HORSE. Then we've got Afrogjack, who is obviously a frog called jack. And Pitbull, an inbred dog owned by chavs for fighting. And Ne-Yo, who buggers up the metaphor entirely. ANYWAY. This is a shit record. Its boring, plastic party rubbish with no point to its existence. Its also been to #1 in the UK for three weeks and i've yet to work out any reason why. I can't imagine anyone would care enough to legally download it.

The Shaturdays - Notorious
Speaking of plastic party records, heres another. This is the SHATURDAYS, a collection of teenage pop princesses who like to drink alcopops and pretend they're grown ups. How cute. They also like to trot out all the usual cliches about being "the big boss", "a gangster" and of course about how they "love this track". This has about as much credibility as a Jeffrey Archer encyclopaedia of truthfulness.

Vato Gonzales - Badman Riddim (Jump Jump)
So if you're one of those fools who keeps buying plastic party records, give it up and buy a proper dancefloor record like this. A proper crossover track, this shows influences from all over the place - dancehall, house, even latin rhythms. It doesn't really matter that most of the lyrics are pap when the music is this well engineered.

Jason Derulo - Don't Wanna Go Home
Pointless rip-off of Robin S' "Show Me Love" with the gormless and humour-free waste of space Derulo sounding bored over the top of it.

Kaiser Chiefs - Little Shocks
A low key return from the Kaiser Chiefs shows them back in a satyrical and serious mood. If you're expecting another stadium filling singalong, then you'll be disappointed as this showcases the songwriting they've always been quietly capable of, rather than going for the obvious choruses of their previous output. I don't think it'll spark the re-emergence of proper guitar bands and good old fashioned British indie, but it will hopefully spark the imaginations of those of us left strangely cold with all the junk thats around at the moment.

Rihanna - California King Bed
Yaaawwwwwwwwn.

Jennifer Lopez & Lil Wayne - I'm In To You
Gracious. This is all kind of wrongness. It sounds like some single mother who spends far too long watching Desperate Housewives and thinks its a documentary rather than porn for middle aged women. The song is basically her propositioning her son's best friend. Slimy and highly nasty.

Birdy - Skinny Love / Shelter
Tedious teenager sings tedious acoustic songs. Both are devoid of a single original thought or anything to differentiate her from the acts appearing in hundreds of pubs all over the country.

The Horrors - Still Life
Broody and technologically savvy indie with its roots in Joy Division and early 90s indie before it all went commercial. Very insistent and builds into a crescendo in a way that Coldplay failed to do with their new single. Potentially signals one of the more interesting albums of the year if its all this good.

Panic At The Disco - Ready To Go
I think Panic at the Disco are finally back with us after the horrors of "Pretty Odd" which seemed to be written and released solely to please music journalists. This has more of the energy of their first album and does away with the smug, self satisfied twattery that they had seemed to be falling in to.

Katy B - Easy Please Me
The First Lady of Dubstep. That would be quite a title, wouldn't it? It'd be a bit like calling "The King of Shit" or "Prince of the Septic Tanks" though, because almost all dubstep is awful and this isn't exception. From the hilarious opening line of "Standing at the bar / with my friend Olivi-ar", it trots out all the terrible cliches about wanting a man, not a boy who can keep it real. For fucks sake. Is it really 1993 again? Have Salt n Pepa reformed? Or is it a rejected TLC song?