Music Hate 2010

It was never supposed to be like this. I'm sure i was all optimistic and positive about every new some i heard once. Must have been a very long time ago...

Katy B - Katy on a Mission
Hoo~fucking~ray. The British Urban scene has finally disappeared up its own arse with the most pathetically named artist ever, who has made a pissweak cover version of the dubstep/drum and bass remix of La Roux's In For The Kill. Its got all that etheral sound about it which makes people like Fearne Cotton use words like "goosebumps" and "deep". Utter crap.

Eminem and Rhianna - Love The Way You Lie
No, wait! I know what you're all thinking, but I can find something positive to say about this record: The imagery of Rhianna being burned to death is a welcome break from Eminem's uninspired and repetitive rap.

Brandon Flowers - Crossfire
Oh joy. What with The Killers having recorded all four of their good songs and being completely bankrupt in terms of new ideas, indie's Mr Standoffish has decided to record a solo album. This lead out single is like Human, but without the stupid chorus. I've heard Val Doonican and Perry Como make more interesting and edgy music.

Katy Perry - Teenage Dream
Mrs Russell Brand is becoming very slimy in her recent material. What with the filthy California Girls video and now this rather uneasy song encouraging teenagers to get out there and get shaggin', i'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that she can't make music about anything else.

Rhianna - Hard
I actually had to look up what this was called, seeing as most of the song is just that tribal "ay-e-yay-o-ay-e-yay-ay-ay" that all black music writers turn to when they can't be bothered to write any proper lyrics. It sounds like the even more tedious b-side to the equally dismal dirge Rude Boy.

Roll Deep - Green Light
No, seriously. Fuck off now you tedious chav pricks. ANY record that has the nerve to use lines like "Look at the skirt on that" can fuck off to the pits of hell without passing go (but sadly collecting far more than £200). What sort of fucking pond scum level human detritus buys music like this?!?

Aggro Santos - Saint or Sinner
Speaking of nasty chavs, its our old friend Mr Santos, whom (just like his last record) is still sat in a sticky corner of some dive of a club looking at girls dancing with a couple of rohypnol in his sweaty hands. Its a shame because ignore Santos' slimy rhymes and you've got quite a good rave track being ripped off in the background.

So then. Perhaps i should stop doing these reviews. I get the feeling sometimes that i don't have anything positive to say, but its not like that really. I'm just turning into a grumpy old man who doesn't get all this current wave of bad British street music. Perhaps the problem is that any idiot can download a copy of FruityLoops from Rapidshare and start calling themselves an artist. Particularly if they can get one of their mates to do a few slimy rhymes over the top about how he's gonna find himself some skirt. Clubbing and partying should be about music, not the other way around.