Tweedledum, Tweedledee and Tweedletwat

Yay. Big Brother 11. More people to make snap judgements upon!

Josie.
Oh joy, a rural Bristolian airhead. And if she's 25, i'm a member of Die Aertze.

Steve.
The ex-Army cripple. Who has eight children. Obviously that didn't get blown up. Do we need another token disabled winner? Perhaps a close view of a British Hero (phrase copyright Murdoch Media) might help dispell the blind worship that our flawed armed forces get.

Ad break. Featuring a car you can't buy.

Ben.
Looks like he's made of plastic. I suspect he's had some work done. Looks like he'd get murdered if he spent twenty minutes in Hartcliffe. Utter cock, the type Jarvis Cocker sang about.

Rachael.
The sort of woman who can be found falling out of any city centre bar in the small hours of Saturday morning. Self obsessed and unable to fully dress herself.

Nathan.
Looks a bit like Robson Green crossed with a Gallagher brother. Loves himself but actually appears to have some practical talent.

Ad break. Crap perfume, crappier celeb magazines and a mobile network nobody subscribes to.

Dave.
Hey hey, its a monk. He leads a religion which praises Christ by being pissed.

Caiomhe.
Come on, thats never a name. Surely she should be auditioning for Bromsgrove's Next Top Model rather than BB? Rebel without a clue.

Govan.
By looks, its the new Science! When he speaks, he's camper than a row of pink tents! Shame he's named after part of Glasgow, but pronounces it incorrectly.

Ad break. Steve Merchant attempts to sell me moneys. Weak film trail. Electronics. Antihystamines. And the fucking Crapple GashPad.

Shabby.
Now that really is not your name. I guarantee it doesn't say that on your birth certificate. Squatter art college twat. Get a fucking job and pay your way in society. I resent subsidising your existence if you're not going to do anything to enrich the world.

Ife.
Pronounced Iffy Cookoo. Sums it up really. Is a very successful dancer who clearly doesn't need more media exposure. How about some normal people instead of the last two stage school dropouts?

John.
Aussie who seems convinced that Britain is some strange new world and he's come to conquer the inept inhabitants. Like Mars or something.

Sunshine.
For fucks sake. Does anybody on this show have a sensible name?!? If she was trying to perform any kind of medical task on me, i'd ask for another doctor. I also couldn't trust anyone who willingly gave themself such a dumb name.

Corin.
Nice Germanic name, although spelt wrongly. Horrible plastic Jordan-alike face. Please can we have some vaguely normal people?

Ad Break. Didn't see what was being whored. Needed a piss.

Housemate Tombola feature. Nice idea. I suspect the random will have the best chance of winning. And the winner is...

Mario.
...is the Mole. Just like on Channel Five. With Glenn Hughill.

Another Ad Break. Smell like Fergie. Build a shed. Get drunk. Eat Cereal. Do Banking. Get drunk again. Eat biscuits.

And so, in conclusion: a couple of fairly normal gents and a lot of very extreme and freakish women. Can't we handle sensible, grounded women on reality TV or something?