Rise of the bland

It is a truth universally acknowledged that we live in an age where the vacant and colourless will triumph massively over anything that might upset somebody. That is why Coldplay are so famous. But now, just in case you find Miley Cyrus a bit too edgy for your liking, there is a new act making records so bland that you'd be better off cutting discs of wallpaper out and putting them in your CD player (or on to your record deck if you're hardcore)*.

Ladies and Gentlemen, today's "what the chuff" moment on the radio was at the playing of "Love Story" by Taylor Swift. Imagine all the blandest, most tedious warblings of every bad AOR album track of the past twenty years being condensed down into one vile little turd pellet. Imagine the likes of the BBC local radio playlist for inane records electing a president. Imagine... actually, don't because this is one of the worst records ever.

The first rule when this song comes on the radio is to turn it off. If that isn't possible, then whatever you do, don't try and listen to the lyrics of the verses. There are already hospital wards filling up with comatose patients and the NHS can't take any more. Next, try to find something to bite on before you hear the "You be the prince and i'll be the princess" refrain which gets repeated often enough to apparently be the chorus, although the whole song mushes into one horrible puddle, so its impossible to be sure. And of course, always have your sick bucket on standby throughout.

I think what irritates me the most is that i expect America to be taken in by this shit, but it normally crashes and burns without a trace in the UK - see our refusal to accept Hootie and the Blowfish and a myriad of other tedious daytime radio acts if you don't believe me. Why is this suddenly flavour of the month in the UK? Who is buying it? Are there really some people who took their Coldplay CD back to Tesco** and asked for a refund because it was a bit racey?

Great Britain is quite capable of making its own inane, pissweak pop. We don't need to import it.

* - I know. They'll have bought it off ShI-Tunes and have it on their overpriced fashion victim wankpod.
** - Yes, Tesco. Nobody has ever bought any of the last three Coldplay albums from a proper record shop.