Silent Night

The Great British music industry has a reputation for taking a "quiet time" during the first few months of the year. In reality, it varies quite a bit. Some years are deathly quiet until May, whilst others have a burbling scene still going on from New Year. 2009 seems to be falling somewhere in the middle; there are some songs hanging around on playlists and download lists for people with no imagination - you know the sort, they're still paying to download "Run" by Leona Lewis. Honestly. Why would you do such a thing?

Anyway, in the chart with a bullet (we can only hope) at the moment are some of the following acts...

Eminem ft Dr Dre & Fiddly Tent - Crack A Bottle.
This song is conclusive proof that Eminem should take more time off as he's clearly not ready to come back. This boring, repetitive and overlong track burbles on for what seems like an eternity and Marshall's lyrics are the blandest they've ever been. Love or hate Eminem, his previous work has always been interesting, but this is just wallpaper. It wouldn't have been an album track on his previous releases. The inclusion of Dre is a partial bonus, but even his input fails to save it and the inclusion of lumbering goon 50 Cent is just painful.

Shontelle - T-Shirt
Really. You don't spell "Chantelle" like that. Ever. Even if you're a 14 year old mother with zero education and nobody to give you a sensible idea of how to spell your child's name. Aside from the stupid name, the record is a karaoke version of Jordin Sparks' "Tattoo" with horrendous materialistic lyrics about how Shunt is "sick of her dress and Jimmy Choos". Just to make it even worse, she's apparently the new Rihanna.

Katy Perry - Hot & Cold
Don't get me wrong, i quite like Katy Perry's off-beat spunky approach to pop, but the blanket coverage of every playlist in the country soon makes you sick of anything and this is one song which is suffering from massive over-exposure. Along with about a dozen other records, this is something that needs to be dropped from playlists right now and allowed to rest.

Chase & Status ft Kano - Against All Odds
Thankfully not a drum and bass cover version of Phil Collins, Chase & Status' hyperactive commercial D&B benefits from some excellent, well paced wordplay from Kano. Perviously i haven't found either act particularly enthralling, but this vaguely biographical track is inventive and far more interesting than Eminem's latest outpouring. If D&B and British Hip Hop can be happy bedfellows and the result this listenable then i'm all for it. Anything to free us from the American mass-produced dirge that our airwaves so often suffer from.

Kelly Clarkson - My Life Would Suck Without You
My life sucks every time i hear this record, but i'm not complaining about it.

The Ting Tings - We Walk
It doesn't matter if you re-record a track from your atrocious and rushed album, the song still sucks big monkey balls. The first three singles were the only thing worth listening to on their album and trying to flog it for as many singles this is just taking the piss.

And now, some things that you probably won't hear on the radio:

A-Brand - The Bubbles
They're Belgian, so thats a good start. You're unlikely to hear this record anywhere on British radio, but it is utter brilliance. It starts slowly and builds over four minutes to a crescendo the likes of which just don't seem to be fashionable in the UK at the moment, which is a shame because electronic powerpop is supposed to be all the rage. If they were fronted by a 20 year old girl with blonde hair, the music press would be pissing themselves with excitement, but i doubt it would sound as good.

Kate Nash - Don't You Want To Share The Guilt
This is actually a b-side to one of the 7" singles of Nash's final offering from her debut album, Made of Bricks and by the look of YouTube is a favourite live song. I don't think i've ever heard anyone so brilliantly try to paint a picture of the mental state of somebody trying not to think about the state a failing relationship and Nash's trail-of-thought lyrics are often beautiful and tearjerking at the same time. I just hope that Nash is working on developing her distinctive sound and flow over pressures to make a commercially successful second album with all the cliches that a lot of modern pop suffers from.