Craig Phillips and Nick Bateman have a lot to answer for...

Yay. Big Brother is back and i'm officially taking less interest in it this time. But that doesn't stop me having opinions about the people going in. Cue an hours worth of hate fuelled, judgemental opinions....

Freddie.
Public schoolboy cock. He's the sort of shitbag that Jarvis Cocker was singing about in "Common People".

Lisa.
Stereotypical butch lesbian. I'm sure she should be in Ashes to Ashes because she reminds me of the attitudes of 1982.

Sophie.
Dumb blonde model. Another vacuous page three model only put in to quell the desires of tabloid readers. Apparently has delusions of being Paris Hilton.

(Advert break)
So far, I think it would be more interesting if they'd put in the three blokes off the Lottery advert who break into a football ground and have a kick around.

Kris.
Sex obsessed prick. Its clear that the reason there isn't enough love in this world is because
Kris uses far more than his fair share on himself. Probably has HIV.

Noirin.
Supposedly religious self-adoration addict. Apparently unable to find a dress that fits.

Cairon.
Fucking fucking American. If i wanted to watch irritating Americans, i'd watch ITV2. I have my suspicions that he thinks he's the fresh prince. Has the potential to be more irritating than Science. Oh, and PULL YOUR TROUSERS UP.

(Advert break)
The Lucozade advert bumpers are looking awful. Perhaps we could get the BT flies back.

Angel.
Very odd Russian (and just consider the range of that statement for a moment). I spent the first fifteen seconds of the vignette thinking she was a man. Totty for Lisa perhaps?

Karly.
Another braindead wannabe. Outside of her looks, body and clothes, she clearly has no awareness of the rest of outside world. Will fight with similar ignoramus Sophie.

Marcus.
Lunatic comicbook obsessive. Put in to keep the geek hardcore satisfied.

(Advert break)
I must buy myself a new Wilkinson Sword Quatro Skin Bikini. Just to keep the MHP massive happy, the sound levels between the programme and adverts are all over the place.

Beinazir.
The Mouth of the Middle East. Has the possibility of becoming likeable providing she doesn't open her gob too much. I don't rate her chances.

Sophia.
Junior June Sarpong. Feisty enough to be interesting and potentially very entertaining even though she does look like a twelve year old and is giggling like a buffoon upon entry to the playpen.

Rodrigo.
Camp Brazilian who looks like Nelsinho Piquet, which is a bad omen as he'll probably fail to take the corner at the bottom of the stairs and go flying off into the crowd.

Charlie.
ADHD Jack the Lad. Looks like he should be working for a recruitment firm or a cowboy plumber.

(Advert Break)
People sometimes say Hollywood isn't dumbing down, i disagree. A film with the title "Drag Me To Hell" leaves so little to the imagination that you may as well get attacked with a nailgun when you buy a ticket to see it. On a completely separate issue, i'm now left wondering how much Vimto you can soak up with a new Taxpax Pearl with improved applicator.

Saffia.
Very stupid name. Almost identical vignette to Karly extoling her ability to be a bitch. Also has two children who will be without her during her tenure in the house. Perhaps they'll benefit from being without the permanent bile-spouting from their desperately insecure mother.

Sree.
Indian Mummy's boy. Delightfully anachronistic views, almost empirical. Could well clash with airheads already in the house.

Siavash.
Impossible fashion victim. Another one with a huge, self-obsessed head who comes across as a Donny Tourette wannabe, which is setting your sights about as low as its possible to do.

So there we go. I make that about three people who have the potential to be vaguely likeable.