Ever since Gary Jules and Michael Andrews scored a Christmas number 1 with "Mad World" in 2003 defeating the Darkness, there has been something of an undercurrent in British popular culture in upsetting the system. This was amplified when the annual practice of sending the X-Factor winner to the festive top spot got well under way and culminated in Rage Against the Machine's "Killing in the Name" beating X-Factor victor Joe McElderry in 2009.
Of course, there was plenty of muttering that it was very convenient that a back catalogue single from Sony was up against a new single from a Sony label and thus making tons of cash for the corporation in the process. Regardless of that, the precident had been set and come 2010, a number of campaigns got under way. Biffy Clyro fans protested at then incumbent X-Factor winner, Matt Cardle and his cover of "Many of Horror"; Scott Mills orchestrated a bid to get The Trashmen's "Surfin' Bird" to the top spot and the too-cool-for-school camp was covered by a collective covering John Cage's silent piece 4'33".
Ultimately, due to the split in the market nobody managed to topple Matt Cardle from the top of the X-Factor wave.
So where does that leave the systemic sabotage? Well, its fair to say that nobody has got a campaign of any momentum together in 2011. There are a few Nirvana fans bleating that "Smells Like Teen Spirit" should be given a push, but ultimately the public feeling is that we can't be bothered this year. Which is a shame. I'd like to see the whole thing sent up properly. Perhaps resurrect a novelty single recorded for an event that has no current relevance. Or maybe we could take something deeply unfashionable that hasn't been heard since it was released. Or something that tabloid readers would find offensive.
Monday, 14 November 2011
Wednesday, 26 October 2011
More pointless than Pitbull
I know what you're thinking. It cannot be possible to be more pointless than the plastic party dreckery of Pitbull and his cronies, but i heard something today that was. It comes courtesy of the radio station for people who hate music, Heart.
Cue the awful synth chords that signal the intro of "Give Me Everything" by Pitbull, Neyo and their equine friend Nayer. You know whats coming, some twaddle about pictures on Kodak. But no, this is the version they play on Heart...
The version playlisted by Heart has none of Pitbull's vocals at all. Not even a hype word. Just Neyo and equine friend Nayer repeating the chorus over and over and over and over until your ears bleed. For three minutes anyway.
So there you have it, something more pointless than Pitbull - namely Pitbull without Pitbull.
Cue the awful synth chords that signal the intro of "Give Me Everything" by Pitbull, Neyo and their equine friend Nayer. You know whats coming, some twaddle about pictures on Kodak. But no, this is the version they play on Heart...
The version playlisted by Heart has none of Pitbull's vocals at all. Not even a hype word. Just Neyo and equine friend Nayer repeating the chorus over and over and over and over until your ears bleed. For three minutes anyway.
So there you have it, something more pointless than Pitbull - namely Pitbull without Pitbull.
Wednesday, 5 October 2011
Another ill thought out set of radio musings...
I've changed my listening habits again. Sorry, i should have warned you. Here is what currently floats my boat or sinks it. As i don't often cover it, i'll start with the commercials.
Absolute Radio 90s (DAB / Web).
If i can't find anything else that takes my fancy then this is normally a safe bet for a short stint. Anything longer than that and you get annoyed by the hourly Oasis or Radiohead track. Despite the "no repeat workday", you'll still get at least three or four records by a number of acts though this. Its purely a music thing for me, given that the station doesn't have a massive level of advertising and the station imaging, based entirely on Matt Berry's shouty persona is distinctive. To be honest, the DJs may as well not be there.
Jack FM, Bristol (106.5 FM / Web)
Jack replaced the AOR-based, silky smooth offering of Original, which despite its failure as a product was soon reincarnated as Smooth on 107.2 (itself replacing Star, the livelier offering). The playlist is a terrific mish-mash of guitar based pop and rock from the 60s to date, with uncomplicated imaging and rarely any live voices on air. There are no DJs as such during the daytime, the only live voices heard are occasional news bulletins.
As an aside, i regret that i didn't get in to Star in Bristol sooner. The station had its flaws (the level of advertising was horrific), but the presenters were lively and the music at least modern. I only discovered it when Sara Cox was sitting in for Scott Mills one afternoon and i couldn't bare listening to her self-absorbed waffle. I had intended to record a few hours of the afternoon drivetime show, but then started seeing posters for Smooth and next time i tuned in, the format had been flipped into the new feelgood schmaltz. It was a genuine loss, as the number of ILR stations broadcasting all genres of chart music is dwindling to barely any. You can't call Heart a modern music station as over 70% of the daytime playlist is now just the same, repetitive feelgood dreck. And while i'm complaining about generic ILRs...
Kiss 101, West / South Wales (101.0 FM / DAB / Web)
Kiss has now got to the point where it epitomises everything i hate about modern culture: Terrible, slurring presenters; Awful advertising where every other spot is for chlamydia testing; Playlists dominated by American artists. The playlists on Kiss actually give a good indication of how well the music team at Radio 1 deal with balancing their output, because the most tuneless ego-driven dirge can appear on Kiss at times, again driven by American R&B performers. When i hear some of the pointless smugness that the likes of Beyonce churn out, it really does depress me that it is the only station that seems to have any connection with the teenage market.
BBC Radio Bristol / Somerset (94.9 / 95.5 FM, DAB, Web)
I'm developing something of a love for the joint output of BBC Radio Bristol and Somerset. Admittedly there is still some dung on there that needs sorting out, but there are also some gems in there. Regular readers of this blog will know i'm a fan of Steve Yabsley (M-F 12-14:00) and his subversive anarchy, but we've now also got Elise Rayner on during the afternoons (M-F 14-16:00). After quite a period of instability following the disappearance then arrest of Peter Rowell, the dismal Anna Ford initially filled in and made the whole thing sound like a gardening phone-in. Ford was then replaced by supply jock of choice James Watt who did an excellent job. Elise Rayner has now taken over (perhaps permanently, but who knows in BBC Local Radio) and is doing a sterling job and has a suave interviewing style which gets the best out of her guests. Also of note on Bristol & Somerset is Richard Lewis on Sunday mornings (10-12:00), who delivers a light hearted excavation of his foibles of the week.
BBC Radio 1 - Matt Edmondson (Wednesday 21:00, also Podcast)
They did it very quietly and nobody seemed to notice, but the Radio 1 comedy hour is back on Wednesday nights. Matt Edmondson's show is a combination of sketches, interviews, production trickery and music. Some of it is quite juvenile, but that massively appeals to my sense of humour, especially seeing as nobody is doing anything like this anywhere else on the radio to my knowledge, especially given the level of work that must go on to prepare the show compared to a normal programme.
BBC Radio 2 - Simon Mayo (M-F 17-19:00, also Highlights Podcast)
I've recently got in to Simon Mayo's Radio 2 show, which seems to be a mixture of everything he's done for the BBC - from the frivolity of Radio 1 to the informed speech from Radio 5. Cobmine all this with a sideways take on the Radio 2 playlist and the show has a distinctive feel, crammed with entertainment. Terrific stuff.
BBC Radio 2 - Richard Allinson (Sat/Sun 03-06:00)
I love Richard Allinson's effortless presenting style and freeflowing programmes. Opinion on the internet seems to be split as to whether he is a hidden Radio 2 headliner or the incarnation of Alan Partridge, but i think there is a clear line between cheesiness and everyman affability, with Allinson falling clearly in the latter category.
For my money, Radio 2 is a collection of polar opposites with the awful (Chris Evans, Jeremy Vine's shouting shop, Steve Wright, Dermot o'Leary) and the sublime (Alex Lester, Ken Bruce, Richard Allinson, Miranda Hart & Jon Holmes, Simon Mayo). You have to think about who is on before pressing the preset...
BBC Radio London - Danny Baker (Mon-Fri 14-16:00)
I'm in something of a quandry over Danny Baker. His endless stream of creativity is superb and as an inventive radio presenter there are few who can hold a candle to him. The problem is that there are a couple of aspects of his personality that raise my ire considerably, particularly his oft aired view that if he was offered a job in the USA he'd take it in the blink of an eyelid. To me that demonstrates a high level of contempt for your audience. Also his appearance of Radio 4's Desert Island Discs was excessive in ego-stroking smugness. We know you're good and we know you're popular, but thats no reason to rub the noses of your audience in the glibness of their own existence. I think there has to be a point where even the most overblown radio jock has to demonstrate some humble humility. I've mentioned Baker's London show as it is a more open show than his Saturday morning gig on 5-Live and i think of it is a less constrained format.
Absolute Radio 90s (DAB / Web).
If i can't find anything else that takes my fancy then this is normally a safe bet for a short stint. Anything longer than that and you get annoyed by the hourly Oasis or Radiohead track. Despite the "no repeat workday", you'll still get at least three or four records by a number of acts though this. Its purely a music thing for me, given that the station doesn't have a massive level of advertising and the station imaging, based entirely on Matt Berry's shouty persona is distinctive. To be honest, the DJs may as well not be there.
Jack FM, Bristol (106.5 FM / Web)
Jack replaced the AOR-based, silky smooth offering of Original, which despite its failure as a product was soon reincarnated as Smooth on 107.2 (itself replacing Star, the livelier offering). The playlist is a terrific mish-mash of guitar based pop and rock from the 60s to date, with uncomplicated imaging and rarely any live voices on air. There are no DJs as such during the daytime, the only live voices heard are occasional news bulletins.
As an aside, i regret that i didn't get in to Star in Bristol sooner. The station had its flaws (the level of advertising was horrific), but the presenters were lively and the music at least modern. I only discovered it when Sara Cox was sitting in for Scott Mills one afternoon and i couldn't bare listening to her self-absorbed waffle. I had intended to record a few hours of the afternoon drivetime show, but then started seeing posters for Smooth and next time i tuned in, the format had been flipped into the new feelgood schmaltz. It was a genuine loss, as the number of ILR stations broadcasting all genres of chart music is dwindling to barely any. You can't call Heart a modern music station as over 70% of the daytime playlist is now just the same, repetitive feelgood dreck. And while i'm complaining about generic ILRs...
Kiss 101, West / South Wales (101.0 FM / DAB / Web)
Kiss has now got to the point where it epitomises everything i hate about modern culture: Terrible, slurring presenters; Awful advertising where every other spot is for chlamydia testing; Playlists dominated by American artists. The playlists on Kiss actually give a good indication of how well the music team at Radio 1 deal with balancing their output, because the most tuneless ego-driven dirge can appear on Kiss at times, again driven by American R&B performers. When i hear some of the pointless smugness that the likes of Beyonce churn out, it really does depress me that it is the only station that seems to have any connection with the teenage market.
BBC Radio Bristol / Somerset (94.9 / 95.5 FM, DAB, Web)
I'm developing something of a love for the joint output of BBC Radio Bristol and Somerset. Admittedly there is still some dung on there that needs sorting out, but there are also some gems in there. Regular readers of this blog will know i'm a fan of Steve Yabsley (M-F 12-14:00) and his subversive anarchy, but we've now also got Elise Rayner on during the afternoons (M-F 14-16:00). After quite a period of instability following the disappearance then arrest of Peter Rowell, the dismal Anna Ford initially filled in and made the whole thing sound like a gardening phone-in. Ford was then replaced by supply jock of choice James Watt who did an excellent job. Elise Rayner has now taken over (perhaps permanently, but who knows in BBC Local Radio) and is doing a sterling job and has a suave interviewing style which gets the best out of her guests. Also of note on Bristol & Somerset is Richard Lewis on Sunday mornings (10-12:00), who delivers a light hearted excavation of his foibles of the week.
BBC Radio 1 - Matt Edmondson (Wednesday 21:00, also Podcast)
They did it very quietly and nobody seemed to notice, but the Radio 1 comedy hour is back on Wednesday nights. Matt Edmondson's show is a combination of sketches, interviews, production trickery and music. Some of it is quite juvenile, but that massively appeals to my sense of humour, especially seeing as nobody is doing anything like this anywhere else on the radio to my knowledge, especially given the level of work that must go on to prepare the show compared to a normal programme.
BBC Radio 2 - Simon Mayo (M-F 17-19:00, also Highlights Podcast)
I've recently got in to Simon Mayo's Radio 2 show, which seems to be a mixture of everything he's done for the BBC - from the frivolity of Radio 1 to the informed speech from Radio 5. Cobmine all this with a sideways take on the Radio 2 playlist and the show has a distinctive feel, crammed with entertainment. Terrific stuff.
BBC Radio 2 - Richard Allinson (Sat/Sun 03-06:00)
I love Richard Allinson's effortless presenting style and freeflowing programmes. Opinion on the internet seems to be split as to whether he is a hidden Radio 2 headliner or the incarnation of Alan Partridge, but i think there is a clear line between cheesiness and everyman affability, with Allinson falling clearly in the latter category.
For my money, Radio 2 is a collection of polar opposites with the awful (Chris Evans, Jeremy Vine's shouting shop, Steve Wright, Dermot o'Leary) and the sublime (Alex Lester, Ken Bruce, Richard Allinson, Miranda Hart & Jon Holmes, Simon Mayo). You have to think about who is on before pressing the preset...
BBC Radio London - Danny Baker (Mon-Fri 14-16:00)
I'm in something of a quandry over Danny Baker. His endless stream of creativity is superb and as an inventive radio presenter there are few who can hold a candle to him. The problem is that there are a couple of aspects of his personality that raise my ire considerably, particularly his oft aired view that if he was offered a job in the USA he'd take it in the blink of an eyelid. To me that demonstrates a high level of contempt for your audience. Also his appearance of Radio 4's Desert Island Discs was excessive in ego-stroking smugness. We know you're good and we know you're popular, but thats no reason to rub the noses of your audience in the glibness of their own existence. I think there has to be a point where even the most overblown radio jock has to demonstrate some humble humility. I've mentioned Baker's London show as it is a more open show than his Saturday morning gig on 5-Live and i think of it is a less constrained format.
Saturday, 17 September 2011
Come back to Welcome Home
Every so often a song comes along that completely takes you by surprising, defying all the conventions of what is currently fashionable and sounding completely fresh. Over the past month of so, i've had one of those epiphanies.
"Welcome Home" by Midlands based band All The Young is a tremendous record. It is a raw, hooky, six minute indie epic with nods to everything from prog to grunge. The modern music industry is currently averse to anything in the vein of traditional rock and roll songwriting, preferring the two minute collection of gimmicks to a soaring, developing symphony like this. Given these difficult fashions, the band need to make good records if anyone is to take them seriously and they certainly are. What is most attractive about "Welcome Home" to me is that is isn't perfect. It showcases a band who are still developing their songwriting and their sound and that is tremendously exciting.
Having heard other songs by the band, they are clearly mean business and enjoy spinning tales of hope in bleak times. If there is any justice in the world, they'll be as famous as Take That by the end of the year.
"Welcome Home" by Midlands based band All The Young is a tremendous record. It is a raw, hooky, six minute indie epic with nods to everything from prog to grunge. The modern music industry is currently averse to anything in the vein of traditional rock and roll songwriting, preferring the two minute collection of gimmicks to a soaring, developing symphony like this. Given these difficult fashions, the band need to make good records if anyone is to take them seriously and they certainly are. What is most attractive about "Welcome Home" to me is that is isn't perfect. It showcases a band who are still developing their songwriting and their sound and that is tremendously exciting.
Having heard other songs by the band, they are clearly mean business and enjoy spinning tales of hope in bleak times. If there is any justice in the world, they'll be as famous as Take That by the end of the year.
Tuesday, 16 August 2011
Desperately seeking the new Enfant Terrible
Background viewing: The BBC2 programmes "Blood On The Carpet: Walking With Disc Jockeys" (concerning Matthew Bannister's revamping of Radio 1 during the 90s) and "When Moyles Met The Radio 1 Breakfast DJs" (a chronological who's who of the Radio 1 Breakfast programme).
BBC Radio 1 has a problem. Since the Bannister Reforms of the 90s when the ageing "dinosaur" DJs were pensioned off and replaced by new, younger talent, there has been something of a tradition of having an enfant terrible presenting the station's flagship breakfast show. Viewing Steve Wright as one of the dinosaurs, (which divides opinion; he was undoubtedly younger in style than many of his contemporaries, but was properly old-school in hating most of the music he was playing), the first of the demon toddlers to throw tantrums on air was Chris Evans. Evans' diva reputation is well documented, not only at Radio 1, but on through his media career for the next decade. The fundamental key was that Evans got people talking about him, his show and Radio 1, something that hadn't regularly happened since the station's heyday in the 70s.
The precedent had been set. Following Evans' unexpected departure from Radio 1, Mark Goodier sat in briefly as a caretaker before Mark Radcliffe and Mark "Lard" Riley took over. The consensus was that the latter was a failure, but i think that it was harshly judged at the time. Nevertheless, after a short stint they were replaced by Zoe Ball and Kevin Greening.
Unsurprisingly, the partnership of Ball and Greening didn't last very long. Although there was no apparent problems with the relationship between the two, the quietly professional Greening was dropped in favour of Zoe Ball presenting solo and thus the second era of the sensationalist presenter was properly under way. This era was heralded not so much by the non-conformity and endless creative stream that Chris Evans had provided, but more stories of excess, partying and something dubbed by the media as "ladette culture". This was gold for Radio 1, who had somebody on their hands once again who had the attention of the press and could be demonised by them. Listening figures rose accordingly. Zoe Ball's tenure ended in 2000 when she left to devote more time to her family. As an aside, she has since returned to the BBC covering for various presenters on Radio 2 and her style has matured brilliantly whilst still being good fun.
Her friend Sara Cox was waiting in the wings to take on the job and followed the same brash ladette formula as had worked for Ball. Initially there was some success and ratings rose to record levels for the era, but the show started sliding and by the middle of 2003 was in freefall. Cox was exhausted and creatively spent following 18-odd months of heavy pressure to improve the show.
Thus Chris Moyles, the self styled saviour of whichever slot he happened to be working in at the time was enlisted from the start of 2004 and Cox was shifted over to drivetime for the interim until going on maternity leave. Even at the start of his stint on Breakfast, Moyles was a considerably reformed character from the angry brat who had appeared on early breakfast (4am - 7am) in 1997, at which time he had been honing his act on various commercial broadcasters and gradually building a reputation for being outrageous but crucially popular.
There is a marked difference between the Chris Moyles of Early Breakfast (97), weekday afternoons (c. 2001), breakfast (2004) and today. He is undoubtedly mellowing with age and growing accustomed to his celebrity status and with this comes comfort and a reduced level of anger. The hear the evolution for yourself, check out the sound archives on ChrisMoyles.net.
My conclusion of this is that Moyles is no longer the enfant terrible he was marketed as in 2004, and in my opinion he was past his controversial peak by then too. He has recently confirmed that he has a contract to present the show until 2014, shortly before the departure of boss Andy Parfitt from Radio 1 was announced. I'm not saying the two are connected, but the presence of Moyles gives the whole station stability.
The question is who will replace Moyles when he does eventually leave? Greg James is currently favourite in the running, but possibly lacks the headline grabbing impetus that the station needs. I also think he'll be off to TV before long. Of the other up and coming presenters on the station, Nick Grimshaw is a possibility but will likely be tempted by other offers, Dev's show has a sense of painful desperation about it, Huw Stephens is a solid daytime or evening jock and Matt Edmondson is already occupied with several other projects, which is a shame as his style has the most potential of anybody at the moment.
The other problem is that there isn't the breeding ground for new talent on commercial radio any more. If you look at the career of Chris Moyles before he came to Radio 1, none of the stations are now operated independently and evening programming is widely networked, reducing the opportunity for presenters to bring a club radio offering. Club radio is incredibly important to building the careers of radio personalities. By making their show an appointment to listen and making the listeners involved in its success, their popularity grows and their listeners become more religious about tuning in. It also makes it harder for them to be sacked (although it never stopped Moyles from being dismissed at least once) and therefore a more desirable talent for other broadcasters. But can you imagine something like Moyles' Chiltern Network Late Bit show now being broadcast by Heart? You could probably listen to Heart for four hours of an evening without giving a toss about who the presenter is, as they are all identikit smooth voices. Club radio is on life support and Heart, Bauer et al are in danger of killing it.
BBC Radio 1 has a problem. Since the Bannister Reforms of the 90s when the ageing "dinosaur" DJs were pensioned off and replaced by new, younger talent, there has been something of a tradition of having an enfant terrible presenting the station's flagship breakfast show. Viewing Steve Wright as one of the dinosaurs, (which divides opinion; he was undoubtedly younger in style than many of his contemporaries, but was properly old-school in hating most of the music he was playing), the first of the demon toddlers to throw tantrums on air was Chris Evans. Evans' diva reputation is well documented, not only at Radio 1, but on through his media career for the next decade. The fundamental key was that Evans got people talking about him, his show and Radio 1, something that hadn't regularly happened since the station's heyday in the 70s.
The precedent had been set. Following Evans' unexpected departure from Radio 1, Mark Goodier sat in briefly as a caretaker before Mark Radcliffe and Mark "Lard" Riley took over. The consensus was that the latter was a failure, but i think that it was harshly judged at the time. Nevertheless, after a short stint they were replaced by Zoe Ball and Kevin Greening.
Unsurprisingly, the partnership of Ball and Greening didn't last very long. Although there was no apparent problems with the relationship between the two, the quietly professional Greening was dropped in favour of Zoe Ball presenting solo and thus the second era of the sensationalist presenter was properly under way. This era was heralded not so much by the non-conformity and endless creative stream that Chris Evans had provided, but more stories of excess, partying and something dubbed by the media as "ladette culture". This was gold for Radio 1, who had somebody on their hands once again who had the attention of the press and could be demonised by them. Listening figures rose accordingly. Zoe Ball's tenure ended in 2000 when she left to devote more time to her family. As an aside, she has since returned to the BBC covering for various presenters on Radio 2 and her style has matured brilliantly whilst still being good fun.
Her friend Sara Cox was waiting in the wings to take on the job and followed the same brash ladette formula as had worked for Ball. Initially there was some success and ratings rose to record levels for the era, but the show started sliding and by the middle of 2003 was in freefall. Cox was exhausted and creatively spent following 18-odd months of heavy pressure to improve the show.
Thus Chris Moyles, the self styled saviour of whichever slot he happened to be working in at the time was enlisted from the start of 2004 and Cox was shifted over to drivetime for the interim until going on maternity leave. Even at the start of his stint on Breakfast, Moyles was a considerably reformed character from the angry brat who had appeared on early breakfast (4am - 7am) in 1997, at which time he had been honing his act on various commercial broadcasters and gradually building a reputation for being outrageous but crucially popular.
There is a marked difference between the Chris Moyles of Early Breakfast (97), weekday afternoons (c. 2001), breakfast (2004) and today. He is undoubtedly mellowing with age and growing accustomed to his celebrity status and with this comes comfort and a reduced level of anger. The hear the evolution for yourself, check out the sound archives on ChrisMoyles.net.
My conclusion of this is that Moyles is no longer the enfant terrible he was marketed as in 2004, and in my opinion he was past his controversial peak by then too. He has recently confirmed that he has a contract to present the show until 2014, shortly before the departure of boss Andy Parfitt from Radio 1 was announced. I'm not saying the two are connected, but the presence of Moyles gives the whole station stability.
The question is who will replace Moyles when he does eventually leave? Greg James is currently favourite in the running, but possibly lacks the headline grabbing impetus that the station needs. I also think he'll be off to TV before long. Of the other up and coming presenters on the station, Nick Grimshaw is a possibility but will likely be tempted by other offers, Dev's show has a sense of painful desperation about it, Huw Stephens is a solid daytime or evening jock and Matt Edmondson is already occupied with several other projects, which is a shame as his style has the most potential of anybody at the moment.
The other problem is that there isn't the breeding ground for new talent on commercial radio any more. If you look at the career of Chris Moyles before he came to Radio 1, none of the stations are now operated independently and evening programming is widely networked, reducing the opportunity for presenters to bring a club radio offering. Club radio is incredibly important to building the careers of radio personalities. By making their show an appointment to listen and making the listeners involved in its success, their popularity grows and their listeners become more religious about tuning in. It also makes it harder for them to be sacked (although it never stopped Moyles from being dismissed at least once) and therefore a more desirable talent for other broadcasters. But can you imagine something like Moyles' Chiltern Network Late Bit show now being broadcast by Heart? You could probably listen to Heart for four hours of an evening without giving a toss about who the presenter is, as they are all identikit smooth voices. Club radio is on life support and Heart, Bauer et al are in danger of killing it.
Wednesday, 10 August 2011
Gruesome. Then it grew some more.
Hard Fi - Fire In The House
Now i'll admit i didn't see this coming after the industrial leanings of previous single Good for Nothing. This is more dance than indie and a really interesting new direction for Hard Fi. Aside from that, its actually really good and a refreshing change from the bilge that AATW releases these days which only serves to give dance music a bad name.
David Guetta ft Taio Cruz and Ludacris - Little Bad Girl
Horrible rehash of the previous Guetta single, except with Taio Cruz instead of Flo Rida. Even the presence of the normally entertaining Ludacris can't save this poor offering.
Emeli Sande - Heaven
Now the word 'epic' is massively overused these days, particularly where music is concerned, but this genuinely delivers. The gorgeous breakbeat inspired verses could have been recorded twenty years ago, but the production on the chorus sends it flying. Sande's voice leading it all is a revelation, having previously only been noted in the mainstream for being the female vocalist on Wiley's Never Be Your Woman and Chipmunk's Diamond Rings, neither of which was a worthy showcase for her talents. This is the record that Guilt by Nero could have been had they had the guts not to let it degenerate into weak wuh-wuh-wuh-waaaaah dubstep cliches. At least somebody has finally seen fit to make a record which doesn't adhere to all the latest trends just to fit in.
JLS ft Dev - She Makes Me Wanna
Anyone have an idea why Dev is on this? No...? Thought not. Ms Bass Down Low Buhbuhbuhbuh Bass Down Low sounds bloody dreadful, like a hungover junkie and completely out of place with the squeaky clean boyband, who are doing a fairly average song by their standards.
Eminem - Space Bound
Another of Mathers' therapy sessions gets set to music. Get over yourself.
Katy Perry - Last Friday Night (TGIF)
I didn't mind Perry's first album, but every single off this album has been weak, showcasing how Perry thinks teenagers should be behaving, which generally involves alcohol, sex and being infantile. And lets not forget, this will probably be included on all those Pop Princess albums aimed at five year olds who can then sing how they smell like a minibar. Nice.
Nicki Minaj - Super Bass
When Minaj broke through, it became apparent that she has a fairly unique delivery, but with every record it becomes more obvious that she can't deliver a record without hyperactive ADHD production, thousands of layers of autotune and more gimmicks than a 36 month mobile phone contract with a free quad bike. It irritates me because i think there is a half decent artist trying to break out, but whilst she insists on being an idiotic puppet for the media ("the Gaga of rap" has been done to death by the press), it ain't gonna happen.
Red Hot Chili Peppers - The Adventues of Raindance Maggie
The Chilis fall further into the pits of average funk band hell with another record that sounds exactly like every one from their last album.
Cher Lloyd - Swagger Jagger
X-Factor reject records nursery rhyme, which may be about the mean streets of Great Malvern. Hideous.
One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful
Another set of X-Factor rejects. This lot look like a set of Justin Bieber clones. Their record? Its a fairly average rip-off of Summer Loving from Grease.
Ed Sheeran - You Need Me, I Don't Need You
Crikey! Where did this come from?!? And more to the point, who on earth decided he should release the bland junkie folk ballad The A Team before this? Sheeran proves he's got balls, talent and the ear for an excellent hook all in one song.
Olly Murs - Heart Skips A Beat
Yet another X-Factor non-winner. Murs shrugs away the reggae-light rhythms of his first album with this new single, a slightly more risky and modern sounding pop song. It won't set the world on fire, but it wille establish him that far more than a one trick pony.
The Wombats - Our Perfect Disease
Amazingly, the fifth single to be taken from the second Wombats long player and it is them at their best, making an upbeat record from far darker subject matter than most bands will touch. If you like the Wombats, you'll like this.
Pixie Lott - All About Tonight
Cross-file under "Plastic Party", "Stage School" and "Manufactured Drivel". And now she's making records about how much she loves clubbing and partying, despite not having an original thought since she was eight years old.
The Saturdays - All Fired Up
Cross-file under "Plastic Party", "Stage School" and "Manufactured Drivel". Marginally less irritating that Notorious, but that still is not a recommendation. Hideous.
Now i'll admit i didn't see this coming after the industrial leanings of previous single Good for Nothing. This is more dance than indie and a really interesting new direction for Hard Fi. Aside from that, its actually really good and a refreshing change from the bilge that AATW releases these days which only serves to give dance music a bad name.
David Guetta ft Taio Cruz and Ludacris - Little Bad Girl
Horrible rehash of the previous Guetta single, except with Taio Cruz instead of Flo Rida. Even the presence of the normally entertaining Ludacris can't save this poor offering.
Emeli Sande - Heaven
Now the word 'epic' is massively overused these days, particularly where music is concerned, but this genuinely delivers. The gorgeous breakbeat inspired verses could have been recorded twenty years ago, but the production on the chorus sends it flying. Sande's voice leading it all is a revelation, having previously only been noted in the mainstream for being the female vocalist on Wiley's Never Be Your Woman and Chipmunk's Diamond Rings, neither of which was a worthy showcase for her talents. This is the record that Guilt by Nero could have been had they had the guts not to let it degenerate into weak wuh-wuh-wuh-waaaaah dubstep cliches. At least somebody has finally seen fit to make a record which doesn't adhere to all the latest trends just to fit in.
JLS ft Dev - She Makes Me Wanna
Anyone have an idea why Dev is on this? No...? Thought not. Ms Bass Down Low Buhbuhbuhbuh Bass Down Low sounds bloody dreadful, like a hungover junkie and completely out of place with the squeaky clean boyband, who are doing a fairly average song by their standards.
Eminem - Space Bound
Another of Mathers' therapy sessions gets set to music. Get over yourself.
Katy Perry - Last Friday Night (TGIF)
I didn't mind Perry's first album, but every single off this album has been weak, showcasing how Perry thinks teenagers should be behaving, which generally involves alcohol, sex and being infantile. And lets not forget, this will probably be included on all those Pop Princess albums aimed at five year olds who can then sing how they smell like a minibar. Nice.
Nicki Minaj - Super Bass
When Minaj broke through, it became apparent that she has a fairly unique delivery, but with every record it becomes more obvious that she can't deliver a record without hyperactive ADHD production, thousands of layers of autotune and more gimmicks than a 36 month mobile phone contract with a free quad bike. It irritates me because i think there is a half decent artist trying to break out, but whilst she insists on being an idiotic puppet for the media ("the Gaga of rap" has been done to death by the press), it ain't gonna happen.
Red Hot Chili Peppers - The Adventues of Raindance Maggie
The Chilis fall further into the pits of average funk band hell with another record that sounds exactly like every one from their last album.
Cher Lloyd - Swagger Jagger
X-Factor reject records nursery rhyme, which may be about the mean streets of Great Malvern. Hideous.
One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful
Another set of X-Factor rejects. This lot look like a set of Justin Bieber clones. Their record? Its a fairly average rip-off of Summer Loving from Grease.
Ed Sheeran - You Need Me, I Don't Need You
Crikey! Where did this come from?!? And more to the point, who on earth decided he should release the bland junkie folk ballad The A Team before this? Sheeran proves he's got balls, talent and the ear for an excellent hook all in one song.
Olly Murs - Heart Skips A Beat
Yet another X-Factor non-winner. Murs shrugs away the reggae-light rhythms of his first album with this new single, a slightly more risky and modern sounding pop song. It won't set the world on fire, but it wille establish him that far more than a one trick pony.
The Wombats - Our Perfect Disease
Amazingly, the fifth single to be taken from the second Wombats long player and it is them at their best, making an upbeat record from far darker subject matter than most bands will touch. If you like the Wombats, you'll like this.
Pixie Lott - All About Tonight
Cross-file under "Plastic Party", "Stage School" and "Manufactured Drivel". And now she's making records about how much she loves clubbing and partying, despite not having an original thought since she was eight years old.
The Saturdays - All Fired Up
Cross-file under "Plastic Party", "Stage School" and "Manufactured Drivel". Marginally less irritating that Notorious, but that still is not a recommendation. Hideous.
Saturday, 18 June 2011
The Summer of Music Anger
Here be reviews. And excessive swearing, i expect.
Alexandra Stan - Mr Saxobeat
Inna - Sun Is Up
With your identical sounding Romanian dance music, you are really spoiling us, AATW. Inna's first hit last year featured this not-to-offensive plinky plonky electronica background, she followed it with two more and this year's example is no different. Fine if you like that sort of thing i suppose, but if you've heard one you've heard them all. Alexandra Stan's only offering to the party is some shit synthisised sax.
Coldplay - Every Teardrop is a Waterfall
I'm quite a fan of some of Coldplay's less popular back catalogue. I thought lead single from the previous album (Violet Hill) was a brilliant song, mainly because it dives off course a couple of times and explores some new ideas. This, the first single from their forthcoming new album, is a less joyous affair. Theres a bit of a verse, a lot of soaring anthemic style stadium rock going on, but sod all else besides and very little content of any note. After the first minute, you've heard the whole thing. Very disappointing.
David Guetta, Flo-Rida and Nicki Minaj - Where Them Girls At
Ye gads. I remember when David Guetta was a pioneer of French pop-house. With his ever faithful vocalist sidekick Chris Willis, there wasn't anything they couldn't achieve. Now Guetta is mates with lots of Americans and this latest output is just drivel. Jesus Christ himself only knows why Nicki Minaj is famous because she hasn't yet released a decent song. Her lyrics are trite, boring and delivered with a level of overacting seldom seen outside Hollyoaks. Flo Rida is doing exactly what he does and rapping in a cliched manner about clubbing. The whole thing is pathetic. Just take a listen to something like "Stay" or the original "Love Don't Let Me Go", or even "How Soon Is Now" from the first edition of the One Love album, all brilliant songs, but every single he releases now is a betrayal of his roots which ultimately are in Europe.
DJ Fresh ft Sian Evans - Louder
Somewhat more forthright than his previous hit (Golddust), this is a demonstration of how good dubstep could be if they'd actually put their minds to it. Although it still feels as though it needs a proper dance breakdown, its not at all bad and feels more menacing than a late night walk through Stokes Croft. If you liked the stalker-esque swagger of the Chase and Status track "Let You Go", this will almost certainly appeal.
Ed Sheeran - The A Team
Dull. Bored. Dribble. Acoustic folk music for the under 14s.
Hard-Fi - Good For Nothing
I've always been quite a fan of Hard-Fi and the rumour mill had been circulating for some time about their comeback being a real departure and ultimately it isn't. There is a lot more swagger about their attitude and the sound is a lot less polished than that found on their first two albums, but the same influences and origins are still there. It opens rather reminiscently of Jay-Z's "99 Problems", but the anger is far more controlled than many bands make it.
Nicole Scherzinger - Right There
"Me like the way that you touch my body" wails our Nicholas. Sorry, did i say Nicholas? I meant NICOLE. Obviously. This is barely literate bilge, delving below the depths of decency in order to make shagging music for preteens. Utterly vile and unneccessary. If i was Lewis Hamilton, i'd keep crashing out of races in protest.... oh...
Pitbull, Ne-Yo, Afrojack and Nayer - Give Me Everything
Nayer? What sort of a name is that? It makes you sound like a HORSE. Then we've got Afrogjack, who is obviously a frog called jack. And Pitbull, an inbred dog owned by chavs for fighting. And Ne-Yo, who buggers up the metaphor entirely. ANYWAY. This is a shit record. Its boring, plastic party rubbish with no point to its existence. Its also been to #1 in the UK for three weeks and i've yet to work out any reason why. I can't imagine anyone would care enough to legally download it.
The Shaturdays - Notorious
Speaking of plastic party records, heres another. This is the SHATURDAYS, a collection of teenage pop princesses who like to drink alcopops and pretend they're grown ups. How cute. They also like to trot out all the usual cliches about being "the big boss", "a gangster" and of course about how they "love this track". This has about as much credibility as a Jeffrey Archer encyclopaedia of truthfulness.
Vato Gonzales - Badman Riddim (Jump Jump)
So if you're one of those fools who keeps buying plastic party records, give it up and buy a proper dancefloor record like this. A proper crossover track, this shows influences from all over the place - dancehall, house, even latin rhythms. It doesn't really matter that most of the lyrics are pap when the music is this well engineered.
Jason Derulo - Don't Wanna Go Home
Pointless rip-off of Robin S' "Show Me Love" with the gormless and humour-free waste of space Derulo sounding bored over the top of it.
Kaiser Chiefs - Little Shocks
A low key return from the Kaiser Chiefs shows them back in a satyrical and serious mood. If you're expecting another stadium filling singalong, then you'll be disappointed as this showcases the songwriting they've always been quietly capable of, rather than going for the obvious choruses of their previous output. I don't think it'll spark the re-emergence of proper guitar bands and good old fashioned British indie, but it will hopefully spark the imaginations of those of us left strangely cold with all the junk thats around at the moment.
Rihanna - California King Bed
Yaaawwwwwwwwn.
Jennifer Lopez & Lil Wayne - I'm In To You
Gracious. This is all kind of wrongness. It sounds like some single mother who spends far too long watching Desperate Housewives and thinks its a documentary rather than porn for middle aged women. The song is basically her propositioning her son's best friend. Slimy and highly nasty.
Birdy - Skinny Love / Shelter
Tedious teenager sings tedious acoustic songs. Both are devoid of a single original thought or anything to differentiate her from the acts appearing in hundreds of pubs all over the country.
The Horrors - Still Life
Broody and technologically savvy indie with its roots in Joy Division and early 90s indie before it all went commercial. Very insistent and builds into a crescendo in a way that Coldplay failed to do with their new single. Potentially signals one of the more interesting albums of the year if its all this good.
Panic At The Disco - Ready To Go
I think Panic at the Disco are finally back with us after the horrors of "Pretty Odd" which seemed to be written and released solely to please music journalists. This has more of the energy of their first album and does away with the smug, self satisfied twattery that they had seemed to be falling in to.
Katy B - Easy Please Me
The First Lady of Dubstep. That would be quite a title, wouldn't it? It'd be a bit like calling "The King of Shit" or "Prince of the Septic Tanks" though, because almost all dubstep is awful and this isn't exception. From the hilarious opening line of "Standing at the bar / with my friend Olivi-ar", it trots out all the terrible cliches about wanting a man, not a boy who can keep it real. For fucks sake. Is it really 1993 again? Have Salt n Pepa reformed? Or is it a rejected TLC song?
Alexandra Stan - Mr Saxobeat
Inna - Sun Is Up
With your identical sounding Romanian dance music, you are really spoiling us, AATW. Inna's first hit last year featured this not-to-offensive plinky plonky electronica background, she followed it with two more and this year's example is no different. Fine if you like that sort of thing i suppose, but if you've heard one you've heard them all. Alexandra Stan's only offering to the party is some shit synthisised sax.
Coldplay - Every Teardrop is a Waterfall
I'm quite a fan of some of Coldplay's less popular back catalogue. I thought lead single from the previous album (Violet Hill) was a brilliant song, mainly because it dives off course a couple of times and explores some new ideas. This, the first single from their forthcoming new album, is a less joyous affair. Theres a bit of a verse, a lot of soaring anthemic style stadium rock going on, but sod all else besides and very little content of any note. After the first minute, you've heard the whole thing. Very disappointing.
David Guetta, Flo-Rida and Nicki Minaj - Where Them Girls At
Ye gads. I remember when David Guetta was a pioneer of French pop-house. With his ever faithful vocalist sidekick Chris Willis, there wasn't anything they couldn't achieve. Now Guetta is mates with lots of Americans and this latest output is just drivel. Jesus Christ himself only knows why Nicki Minaj is famous because she hasn't yet released a decent song. Her lyrics are trite, boring and delivered with a level of overacting seldom seen outside Hollyoaks. Flo Rida is doing exactly what he does and rapping in a cliched manner about clubbing. The whole thing is pathetic. Just take a listen to something like "Stay" or the original "Love Don't Let Me Go", or even "How Soon Is Now" from the first edition of the One Love album, all brilliant songs, but every single he releases now is a betrayal of his roots which ultimately are in Europe.
DJ Fresh ft Sian Evans - Louder
Somewhat more forthright than his previous hit (Golddust), this is a demonstration of how good dubstep could be if they'd actually put their minds to it. Although it still feels as though it needs a proper dance breakdown, its not at all bad and feels more menacing than a late night walk through Stokes Croft. If you liked the stalker-esque swagger of the Chase and Status track "Let You Go", this will almost certainly appeal.
Ed Sheeran - The A Team
Dull. Bored. Dribble. Acoustic folk music for the under 14s.
Hard-Fi - Good For Nothing
I've always been quite a fan of Hard-Fi and the rumour mill had been circulating for some time about their comeback being a real departure and ultimately it isn't. There is a lot more swagger about their attitude and the sound is a lot less polished than that found on their first two albums, but the same influences and origins are still there. It opens rather reminiscently of Jay-Z's "99 Problems", but the anger is far more controlled than many bands make it.
Nicole Scherzinger - Right There
"Me like the way that you touch my body" wails our Nicholas. Sorry, did i say Nicholas? I meant NICOLE. Obviously. This is barely literate bilge, delving below the depths of decency in order to make shagging music for preteens. Utterly vile and unneccessary. If i was Lewis Hamilton, i'd keep crashing out of races in protest.... oh...
Pitbull, Ne-Yo, Afrojack and Nayer - Give Me Everything
Nayer? What sort of a name is that? It makes you sound like a HORSE. Then we've got Afrogjack, who is obviously a frog called jack. And Pitbull, an inbred dog owned by chavs for fighting. And Ne-Yo, who buggers up the metaphor entirely. ANYWAY. This is a shit record. Its boring, plastic party rubbish with no point to its existence. Its also been to #1 in the UK for three weeks and i've yet to work out any reason why. I can't imagine anyone would care enough to legally download it.
The Shaturdays - Notorious
Speaking of plastic party records, heres another. This is the SHATURDAYS, a collection of teenage pop princesses who like to drink alcopops and pretend they're grown ups. How cute. They also like to trot out all the usual cliches about being "the big boss", "a gangster" and of course about how they "love this track". This has about as much credibility as a Jeffrey Archer encyclopaedia of truthfulness.
Vato Gonzales - Badman Riddim (Jump Jump)
So if you're one of those fools who keeps buying plastic party records, give it up and buy a proper dancefloor record like this. A proper crossover track, this shows influences from all over the place - dancehall, house, even latin rhythms. It doesn't really matter that most of the lyrics are pap when the music is this well engineered.
Jason Derulo - Don't Wanna Go Home
Pointless rip-off of Robin S' "Show Me Love" with the gormless and humour-free waste of space Derulo sounding bored over the top of it.
Kaiser Chiefs - Little Shocks
A low key return from the Kaiser Chiefs shows them back in a satyrical and serious mood. If you're expecting another stadium filling singalong, then you'll be disappointed as this showcases the songwriting they've always been quietly capable of, rather than going for the obvious choruses of their previous output. I don't think it'll spark the re-emergence of proper guitar bands and good old fashioned British indie, but it will hopefully spark the imaginations of those of us left strangely cold with all the junk thats around at the moment.
Rihanna - California King Bed
Yaaawwwwwwwwn.
Jennifer Lopez & Lil Wayne - I'm In To You
Gracious. This is all kind of wrongness. It sounds like some single mother who spends far too long watching Desperate Housewives and thinks its a documentary rather than porn for middle aged women. The song is basically her propositioning her son's best friend. Slimy and highly nasty.
Birdy - Skinny Love / Shelter
Tedious teenager sings tedious acoustic songs. Both are devoid of a single original thought or anything to differentiate her from the acts appearing in hundreds of pubs all over the country.
The Horrors - Still Life
Broody and technologically savvy indie with its roots in Joy Division and early 90s indie before it all went commercial. Very insistent and builds into a crescendo in a way that Coldplay failed to do with their new single. Potentially signals one of the more interesting albums of the year if its all this good.
Panic At The Disco - Ready To Go
I think Panic at the Disco are finally back with us after the horrors of "Pretty Odd" which seemed to be written and released solely to please music journalists. This has more of the energy of their first album and does away with the smug, self satisfied twattery that they had seemed to be falling in to.
Katy B - Easy Please Me
The First Lady of Dubstep. That would be quite a title, wouldn't it? It'd be a bit like calling "The King of Shit" or "Prince of the Septic Tanks" though, because almost all dubstep is awful and this isn't exception. From the hilarious opening line of "Standing at the bar / with my friend Olivi-ar", it trots out all the terrible cliches about wanting a man, not a boy who can keep it real. For fucks sake. Is it really 1993 again? Have Salt n Pepa reformed? Or is it a rejected TLC song?
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