Nobody wants to admit it, but some of the world's biggest artists are completely creatively spent and they're fully aware of their predicament. How do they rectify this? By ripping off underground and foreign artists hook, line, sinker and copy of Angling Times.
Until recently, i hadn't been aware of the Major Lazer tech-dancehall track "Pon de Floor", but i guarantee that 95% plus of the people who hear it would say it was Beyonce's 2011 hit "Run The World (Girls)". Producers Switch and Diplo collaborated with Vybz Kartel on the track in 2009 and it was a high profile hit on the dancehall scene, although attracted little in the way of mainstream attention.
Now i'm fully aware that sampling is an accepted part of the modern music industry and some really inventive cover-remix hybrid tracks have been produced over the past decade, but Beyonce's wholesale theft of the Major Lazer track is shameful, especially as she couldn't add anything aside from her asinine, rhythmless warbling vocal. Total effort made? A couple of hours at most. The only saving grace is that Beyonce's version was re-produced by Switch and Diplo.
But this new age of plagiarism isn't just an American phenomenon. Ben "Plan B" Drew recently started airing "Ill Manors", the first musical offering from his forthcoming film of the same name. To say it is not an original composition would be an understatement - the music on the track is lifted wholesale from Peter Fox's 2008 German language hit "Alles Neu" (Everything is New). Fox first found mainstream success as part of dancehall act Seeed, then moving on to record his own massively successful solo album "Stadtaffe" (City Ape).
Drew has added little to the original instrumental save for some crappy broken dubstep beats. The lyrics are far more inventive than Beyonce managed, harking back to Drew's pre-Stickland Banks rap album "Who Needs Actions When You Got Words", but to anybody who knows Peter Fox's broodier and far more menacing original, the words don't matter because its a pale immitation of a great original.
It comes as a sad day when the likes of Nicki Minaj and her ADHD lyric style over some weak sampling of early 90s european hardcore dance isn't as repugnant as it should be. Her latest single "Starships" is just one long collection of disjointed sounds and a complete mess. It'll probably be a huge success.
Wednesday, 7 March 2012
Wednesday, 29 February 2012
THE JOPI AWARDS FOR 2011
And unlike some lesser awards shows, these are given for and therefore named after the year in which the work was done rather than the year we're six weeks in to.
SONG OF THE YEAR: All The Young - Welcome Home
Despite what Radio 1's playlisters would have you believe whilst playlisting yet another American college band, Great British Rock and Roll isn't dead. This swirling, rousing six minute epic takes what could be an run of the mill indie song and builds a gorgeously glamourous celebration of the people of the Midlands - their hopes, dreams, aspirations and most importantly their reality. With their album of the same title due for release in April 2012, this could be a massive year for the band.
Also of worthwhile mention... was Swede Mason's Masterchef Synaesthesia, which could easily have won this category. Most novelty records get tiresome very quickly, but i can still quite happily listen to this six months later. The use of the music to work around and built up the edits and clips available is absolute genius.
SINGLE OF THE YEAR: Ed Sheeran - You Need Me, I Don't Need You
Despite the fact it takes the detective skills of Sherlock Holmes to find a copy, this CD single is excellent. The radio version is by far the best song from Sheeran's + album, demonstrating that the lad can let rip with his emotions when needs be and the collection of versions and mixes takes it in all sorts of different directions. The live version is beautifully raw, showcasing the talent that has propelled Sheeran into the limelight. Wretch 32 and Devlin guest on an alterative take of the original which works well. The two remixes both take a dubstep-tinged tint on the track, but neither feel as though they reach their logical conclusion.
ALBUM OF THE YEAR: Kitsune Maison 9
Yes i know it came out in April 2010, but regular readers of this should know i'm almost permanently a year behind with albums. 2011 to me was a dismal year for artist albums, possibly in proportion to my lack of trips to continental Europe, but regardless of that there were very few artists who grabbed my attention sufficiently that i'd want to buy an album. This was the best of those i did buy on CD, almost without doubt the best of the excellent Kitsune compilations to date. The bar is set ridiculously high by the sumptuous opener "Belong" by Washed Out, the perfect anthem to a late summer afternoon with really inventive production. Other highlights are the divine "Stop and Stare" by Fenech Soler and offerings from Yuksek, Penguin Prison and a marvellous remix by Twelves of Two Door Cinema Club.
RADIO STATION OF THE YEAR: Studio Brussel (Belgium)
Despite the fact that the station is getting a little heavyhanded with their daytime power playlist of songs which will appear at least every three hours, StuBru is still the most reliable offering out there.
MUSIC RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: Kissy Sell Out (BBC Radio 1)
A year or so back, Radio 1 rehashed their Friday night dance line up to include a show called "Annie Mac's Mash Up" which was heavily promoted with a theme of "there are no rules, we mash the music up". In reality, the show was terrible and played a narrower window of music than most other specialist shows. Kissy Sell Out's two hours of Thursday night lunacy are the complete opposite. The guy has the talent to be able to mix practically anything together and make it work like they were made for each other. Kissy's Duracell-bunny like enthusiasm is very infectious and utterly marvellous.
FACTUAL RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: The Museum of Curiosity (BBC Radio 4)
I'm not sure it should be in the factual category, but The Museum of Curiosity is a fine place to learn about a topic that you otherwise probably wouldn't know of. The premise is that three guests each week contribute an exhibit to the museum and wax lyrical about their donation. This being an entirely abstract museum means that anything at all can go in there from people to concepts to items, there are no rules. Normally this sort of thing would just sound like a badly organised shambles, but with the expertise of QI creator John Lloyd at the helm the show glides along beautifully.
COMEDY RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: It's Your Round (BBC Radio 4)
This poorly scheduled panel game gives Angus Deayton the opportunity to remind us just how good he is at presenting this genre. The premise is delightfully simple - panel guests each bring along a game to play on air and it works marvellously well. Even the rounds that don't work attract acerbic criticism from Deayton which makes for good entertainment.
BROADCASTER OF THE YEAR: Steve Yabsley (BBC Radio Bristol / Somerset)
I've judged this category this year on the basis of whom i miss the most when they're not on air. Perhaps the measure of a good broadcaster should be how irritated you are when they're on holiday. I don't know if its the choice of stand-in, but i cannot abide Yabbo's absence. Steve's well developed format of listener contribution, zany topics and entertaining sidekicks sits well with the offbeat interviews on each show and is a relief from the station's morning diet of angry people phoning in to complain about things and the desperate hand-wringing tone of
isn't this awful? going on. The thankfully shelved BBC cutbacks to local radio would have seen shows like this taken away in favour of the worthy but often depressing local interest stories, which would have resulted in stations like Radio Bristol being all misery and no play. The cuts would have also seen the end of the similarly delightful afternoon show with Elise Rayner.
LIVE ACT OF THE YEAR: Digitalism
Without doubt the most stark assault my senses have been subjected to all year, the sounds and lights of the Digitalism epic spectacle gives a good kicking to the theory that all we want to see these days are indentikit solo artists.
MUSIC RETAILER OF THE YEAR: Acorn Music, Yeovil
Given that my visits to record shops during 2011 were probably in single figures and i flatly refuse to recognise the GAMES, ELECTRONICS, PHONES, DVD and occasional CD retailer HMV as a music retailer any longer, i probably found a visit to Acorn the most rewarding this year. They've now diversified in to providing sheet music, whilst still retaining their core business and one can only hope this provides them with enough success to remain in business in these massively difficult times. As an aside, i've already been to three record shops in 2012 which would have won the category...
HOPE FOR 2012...
Two main hopes - firstly that All The Young's album will be as awesome as it deserves to be and that Swede Mason will come up with another barnstormer. Others mainly revolve around the extermination of the career of Pixie Lott...
SONG OF THE YEAR: All The Young - Welcome Home
Despite what Radio 1's playlisters would have you believe whilst playlisting yet another American college band, Great British Rock and Roll isn't dead. This swirling, rousing six minute epic takes what could be an run of the mill indie song and builds a gorgeously glamourous celebration of the people of the Midlands - their hopes, dreams, aspirations and most importantly their reality. With their album of the same title due for release in April 2012, this could be a massive year for the band.
Also of worthwhile mention... was Swede Mason's Masterchef Synaesthesia, which could easily have won this category. Most novelty records get tiresome very quickly, but i can still quite happily listen to this six months later. The use of the music to work around and built up the edits and clips available is absolute genius.
SINGLE OF THE YEAR: Ed Sheeran - You Need Me, I Don't Need You
Despite the fact it takes the detective skills of Sherlock Holmes to find a copy, this CD single is excellent. The radio version is by far the best song from Sheeran's + album, demonstrating that the lad can let rip with his emotions when needs be and the collection of versions and mixes takes it in all sorts of different directions. The live version is beautifully raw, showcasing the talent that has propelled Sheeran into the limelight. Wretch 32 and Devlin guest on an alterative take of the original which works well. The two remixes both take a dubstep-tinged tint on the track, but neither feel as though they reach their logical conclusion.
ALBUM OF THE YEAR: Kitsune Maison 9
Yes i know it came out in April 2010, but regular readers of this should know i'm almost permanently a year behind with albums. 2011 to me was a dismal year for artist albums, possibly in proportion to my lack of trips to continental Europe, but regardless of that there were very few artists who grabbed my attention sufficiently that i'd want to buy an album. This was the best of those i did buy on CD, almost without doubt the best of the excellent Kitsune compilations to date. The bar is set ridiculously high by the sumptuous opener "Belong" by Washed Out, the perfect anthem to a late summer afternoon with really inventive production. Other highlights are the divine "Stop and Stare" by Fenech Soler and offerings from Yuksek, Penguin Prison and a marvellous remix by Twelves of Two Door Cinema Club.
RADIO STATION OF THE YEAR: Studio Brussel (Belgium)
Despite the fact that the station is getting a little heavyhanded with their daytime power playlist of songs which will appear at least every three hours, StuBru is still the most reliable offering out there.
MUSIC RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: Kissy Sell Out (BBC Radio 1)
A year or so back, Radio 1 rehashed their Friday night dance line up to include a show called "Annie Mac's Mash Up" which was heavily promoted with a theme of "there are no rules, we mash the music up". In reality, the show was terrible and played a narrower window of music than most other specialist shows. Kissy Sell Out's two hours of Thursday night lunacy are the complete opposite. The guy has the talent to be able to mix practically anything together and make it work like they were made for each other. Kissy's Duracell-bunny like enthusiasm is very infectious and utterly marvellous.
FACTUAL RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: The Museum of Curiosity (BBC Radio 4)
I'm not sure it should be in the factual category, but The Museum of Curiosity is a fine place to learn about a topic that you otherwise probably wouldn't know of. The premise is that three guests each week contribute an exhibit to the museum and wax lyrical about their donation. This being an entirely abstract museum means that anything at all can go in there from people to concepts to items, there are no rules. Normally this sort of thing would just sound like a badly organised shambles, but with the expertise of QI creator John Lloyd at the helm the show glides along beautifully.
COMEDY RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: It's Your Round (BBC Radio 4)
This poorly scheduled panel game gives Angus Deayton the opportunity to remind us just how good he is at presenting this genre. The premise is delightfully simple - panel guests each bring along a game to play on air and it works marvellously well. Even the rounds that don't work attract acerbic criticism from Deayton which makes for good entertainment.
BROADCASTER OF THE YEAR: Steve Yabsley (BBC Radio Bristol / Somerset)
I've judged this category this year on the basis of whom i miss the most when they're not on air. Perhaps the measure of a good broadcaster should be how irritated you are when they're on holiday. I don't know if its the choice of stand-in, but i cannot abide Yabbo's absence. Steve's well developed format of listener contribution, zany topics and entertaining sidekicks sits well with the offbeat interviews on each show and is a relief from the station's morning diet of angry people phoning in to complain about things and the desperate hand-wringing tone of
isn't this awful? going on. The thankfully shelved BBC cutbacks to local radio would have seen shows like this taken away in favour of the worthy but often depressing local interest stories, which would have resulted in stations like Radio Bristol being all misery and no play. The cuts would have also seen the end of the similarly delightful afternoon show with Elise Rayner.
LIVE ACT OF THE YEAR: Digitalism
Without doubt the most stark assault my senses have been subjected to all year, the sounds and lights of the Digitalism epic spectacle gives a good kicking to the theory that all we want to see these days are indentikit solo artists.
MUSIC RETAILER OF THE YEAR: Acorn Music, Yeovil
Given that my visits to record shops during 2011 were probably in single figures and i flatly refuse to recognise the GAMES, ELECTRONICS, PHONES, DVD and occasional CD retailer HMV as a music retailer any longer, i probably found a visit to Acorn the most rewarding this year. They've now diversified in to providing sheet music, whilst still retaining their core business and one can only hope this provides them with enough success to remain in business in these massively difficult times. As an aside, i've already been to three record shops in 2012 which would have won the category...
HOPE FOR 2012...
Two main hopes - firstly that All The Young's album will be as awesome as it deserves to be and that Swede Mason will come up with another barnstormer. Others mainly revolve around the extermination of the career of Pixie Lott...
Wednesday, 28 December 2011
The Winterval Personnel
There used to be a time when the bit between Christmas and New Year would be a sneak preview of those radio disc-spinners who were about to graduate through to the big time and it wasn't that long ago. Sadly this year has just been a bit of a disappointment. I'll put it down to Christmas Day being on a Sunday which has left us with a distinct week between Christmas and New Years.
Dev has taken over the Radio 1 breakfast show for this week and i think its finally clicked what i find disingenuous about him. For the most part, he pretends to be a bit of a geek and avoids most of the too-cool-for-school cliches that afflict some of the Radio 1 roster, but then we'll get to a feature like the resident DJ where a listener will come on an pick singles from a specific pigeonhole. Today is One Hit Wonder Wednesday. The listener chose "Turtle Power" by Partners in Kryme, which i've got to admit i haven't heard for well over a decade and in all truth it doesn't stand up badly. Meanwhile Dev is busy ripping in to the caller, the song and saying how he thinks it'll bomb, then interrupts it half way through to say he's going to finish playing it because it has received such a good reaction on the texts. So the geek without preconceptions suddenly becomes ubercool when music is involved, and its not the first time. If you're going to play a character on the air, then you've got to follow through and not have breaks in the armour otherwise the whole thing sounds like a bad ILR.
Edith Bowman is covering for Fearne Cotton. Sorry, that should read "Edith Bowman's Show About Films". For the 90% of us who aren't obsessed with being at the cinema 24/7, nor fawning over Hollywood's most overpaid (and often undertalented), Bowman's show is interminable. And i genuinely like Edith as a presenter, its just the whole format of the Films show is painfully restrictive.
Huw Stephens is about the only future star i can see from the daytime line up. His weekend afternoon show is excellent and his enthusiasm for music always comes across as sincere. He'd make far more sense presenting the weekday morning show than Fearne Cotton does.
I've also heard some of Ryan Tubridy in for Ken Bruce on Radio 2. It doesn't really move me either way, which is probably exactly when Radio 2 is looking for - new voices to the station either have to be somebody interminably bland or somebody off the telly.
Dev has taken over the Radio 1 breakfast show for this week and i think its finally clicked what i find disingenuous about him. For the most part, he pretends to be a bit of a geek and avoids most of the too-cool-for-school cliches that afflict some of the Radio 1 roster, but then we'll get to a feature like the resident DJ where a listener will come on an pick singles from a specific pigeonhole. Today is One Hit Wonder Wednesday. The listener chose "Turtle Power" by Partners in Kryme, which i've got to admit i haven't heard for well over a decade and in all truth it doesn't stand up badly. Meanwhile Dev is busy ripping in to the caller, the song and saying how he thinks it'll bomb, then interrupts it half way through to say he's going to finish playing it because it has received such a good reaction on the texts. So the geek without preconceptions suddenly becomes ubercool when music is involved, and its not the first time. If you're going to play a character on the air, then you've got to follow through and not have breaks in the armour otherwise the whole thing sounds like a bad ILR.
Edith Bowman is covering for Fearne Cotton. Sorry, that should read "Edith Bowman's Show About Films". For the 90% of us who aren't obsessed with being at the cinema 24/7, nor fawning over Hollywood's most overpaid (and often undertalented), Bowman's show is interminable. And i genuinely like Edith as a presenter, its just the whole format of the Films show is painfully restrictive.
Huw Stephens is about the only future star i can see from the daytime line up. His weekend afternoon show is excellent and his enthusiasm for music always comes across as sincere. He'd make far more sense presenting the weekday morning show than Fearne Cotton does.
I've also heard some of Ryan Tubridy in for Ken Bruce on Radio 2. It doesn't really move me either way, which is probably exactly when Radio 2 is looking for - new voices to the station either have to be somebody interminably bland or somebody off the telly.
Wednesday, 7 December 2011
No More Christmas Singles
As Spitting Image once sang "No more christmas singles/ They're worse than any war/ If we hear Aled Jones again/ We'll throw up on the floor". Well it looks like they've got their wish. The good old age of the novelty christmas single is dead, as are novelty singles in their entirety if the charts of the past two years are anything to go by. What we have now is a watered down collection of stupid earworm noises looped to infinity by producers who are laughing at anyone dumb enough to buy them. Oh yes, and Rihanna singing about sex.
Anyway, some song reviews?
Katy Perry - The One That Got Away
I'll be honest. I wasn't that averse to some of the songs from Perry's first album, but this fifth single off the awful Teenage Dream album is painful. To my mind, there is something unsettling with how her songs are full of thin innuendo and fake memories of oh-so-perfect teenage years that never really happened for anyone except Danny Baker. Her videos are even worse, an open begging letter for censorship if ever there was one. And this song... Pffft. Just another collection of fake late-teenage memories from some syruppy movie.
The Only Way Is Essex - Last Christmas
Is that autotune i hear? Oh, it is. It is a pointless, cash in cover version? Affirmative. Is there any reason why anyone not requiring sectioning under the mental health act would want to listen to it? Not unless they were reviewing it.
Arianna Morgan - Songbird
Its a ten year old covering a Fleetwood Mac song. Just imagine how painful that would be unless you're a 58 year old reader of the Daily Mail.
T-Pain & Lily Allen - Five o'Clock
I should really have started this post off with something more positive, shouldn't i? I mean, i'm just sounding like a miserable, jaded old git with nothing better to do that post hatred about modern music. I blame Nero. ANYWAY. Down to business. Take around eight lines from a Lily Allen song, loop until more stale than a ten week old Kwik Save loaf, add some fucking abysmal autotune rap from Mr Pain (never has a name been more appropriate - i think his first name might be Tristram) and stretch the whole sorry shithouse out to about an hour. Or maybe it just feels like that. One of the worst records ever.
The Collective - Teardrop
We're supposed to be upbeat and positive about charity singles, no matter how awful, aren't we? The Collective are various young and happening urban types from south London (and Ms Dynamite off of the 90s) rapping about how we "shud be finkin'" about what we do and being mindful of others. I've never heard human emotion being described in such stunted terms. If this is the best you lot could do, then just don't bother next year. It ruins a perfectly good original song with lots of posturing and fake bravado.
The Wombles - Wombling Merry Christmas
Jesus. Has Mike Batt run out of pension or something?
Caution: Next one a bit political.
Military Wives Choir - You know what? I really don't care what its called.
Your husband / boyfriend / FWB joined the army. They should have known at some point there was a fairly good chance they were going to get shot at someday. They could have just taken a job in a bakery. Every corner i turn at the moment there seems to be some Help for Heroes tat or collection of drunks toasting R BWAVE BOYZ and not yet has anyone demonstrated or explained to me why they deserve my sympathy. Yet another charity record is unlikely to do so.
Dirty Mavis - Stop the HS2
Its a record campaiging against building a railway line. I wonder if they're on Ford Records, Vauxhall Records, Toyota Records....?
Anyway, some song reviews?
Katy Perry - The One That Got Away
I'll be honest. I wasn't that averse to some of the songs from Perry's first album, but this fifth single off the awful Teenage Dream album is painful. To my mind, there is something unsettling with how her songs are full of thin innuendo and fake memories of oh-so-perfect teenage years that never really happened for anyone except Danny Baker. Her videos are even worse, an open begging letter for censorship if ever there was one. And this song... Pffft. Just another collection of fake late-teenage memories from some syruppy movie.
The Only Way Is Essex - Last Christmas
Is that autotune i hear? Oh, it is. It is a pointless, cash in cover version? Affirmative. Is there any reason why anyone not requiring sectioning under the mental health act would want to listen to it? Not unless they were reviewing it.
Arianna Morgan - Songbird
Its a ten year old covering a Fleetwood Mac song. Just imagine how painful that would be unless you're a 58 year old reader of the Daily Mail.
T-Pain & Lily Allen - Five o'Clock
I should really have started this post off with something more positive, shouldn't i? I mean, i'm just sounding like a miserable, jaded old git with nothing better to do that post hatred about modern music. I blame Nero. ANYWAY. Down to business. Take around eight lines from a Lily Allen song, loop until more stale than a ten week old Kwik Save loaf, add some fucking abysmal autotune rap from Mr Pain (never has a name been more appropriate - i think his first name might be Tristram) and stretch the whole sorry shithouse out to about an hour. Or maybe it just feels like that. One of the worst records ever.
The Collective - Teardrop
We're supposed to be upbeat and positive about charity singles, no matter how awful, aren't we? The Collective are various young and happening urban types from south London (and Ms Dynamite off of the 90s) rapping about how we "shud be finkin'" about what we do and being mindful of others. I've never heard human emotion being described in such stunted terms. If this is the best you lot could do, then just don't bother next year. It ruins a perfectly good original song with lots of posturing and fake bravado.
The Wombles - Wombling Merry Christmas
Jesus. Has Mike Batt run out of pension or something?
Caution: Next one a bit political.
Military Wives Choir - You know what? I really don't care what its called.
Your husband / boyfriend / FWB joined the army. They should have known at some point there was a fairly good chance they were going to get shot at someday. They could have just taken a job in a bakery. Every corner i turn at the moment there seems to be some Help for Heroes tat or collection of drunks toasting R BWAVE BOYZ and not yet has anyone demonstrated or explained to me why they deserve my sympathy. Yet another charity record is unlikely to do so.
Dirty Mavis - Stop the HS2
Its a record campaiging against building a railway line. I wonder if they're on Ford Records, Vauxhall Records, Toyota Records....?
Monday, 14 November 2011
Sending up the system
Ever since Gary Jules and Michael Andrews scored a Christmas number 1 with "Mad World" in 2003 defeating the Darkness, there has been something of an undercurrent in British popular culture in upsetting the system. This was amplified when the annual practice of sending the X-Factor winner to the festive top spot got well under way and culminated in Rage Against the Machine's "Killing in the Name" beating X-Factor victor Joe McElderry in 2009.
Of course, there was plenty of muttering that it was very convenient that a back catalogue single from Sony was up against a new single from a Sony label and thus making tons of cash for the corporation in the process. Regardless of that, the precident had been set and come 2010, a number of campaigns got under way. Biffy Clyro fans protested at then incumbent X-Factor winner, Matt Cardle and his cover of "Many of Horror"; Scott Mills orchestrated a bid to get The Trashmen's "Surfin' Bird" to the top spot and the too-cool-for-school camp was covered by a collective covering John Cage's silent piece 4'33".
Ultimately, due to the split in the market nobody managed to topple Matt Cardle from the top of the X-Factor wave.
So where does that leave the systemic sabotage? Well, its fair to say that nobody has got a campaign of any momentum together in 2011. There are a few Nirvana fans bleating that "Smells Like Teen Spirit" should be given a push, but ultimately the public feeling is that we can't be bothered this year. Which is a shame. I'd like to see the whole thing sent up properly. Perhaps resurrect a novelty single recorded for an event that has no current relevance. Or maybe we could take something deeply unfashionable that hasn't been heard since it was released. Or something that tabloid readers would find offensive.
Of course, there was plenty of muttering that it was very convenient that a back catalogue single from Sony was up against a new single from a Sony label and thus making tons of cash for the corporation in the process. Regardless of that, the precident had been set and come 2010, a number of campaigns got under way. Biffy Clyro fans protested at then incumbent X-Factor winner, Matt Cardle and his cover of "Many of Horror"; Scott Mills orchestrated a bid to get The Trashmen's "Surfin' Bird" to the top spot and the too-cool-for-school camp was covered by a collective covering John Cage's silent piece 4'33".
Ultimately, due to the split in the market nobody managed to topple Matt Cardle from the top of the X-Factor wave.
So where does that leave the systemic sabotage? Well, its fair to say that nobody has got a campaign of any momentum together in 2011. There are a few Nirvana fans bleating that "Smells Like Teen Spirit" should be given a push, but ultimately the public feeling is that we can't be bothered this year. Which is a shame. I'd like to see the whole thing sent up properly. Perhaps resurrect a novelty single recorded for an event that has no current relevance. Or maybe we could take something deeply unfashionable that hasn't been heard since it was released. Or something that tabloid readers would find offensive.
Wednesday, 26 October 2011
More pointless than Pitbull
I know what you're thinking. It cannot be possible to be more pointless than the plastic party dreckery of Pitbull and his cronies, but i heard something today that was. It comes courtesy of the radio station for people who hate music, Heart.
Cue the awful synth chords that signal the intro of "Give Me Everything" by Pitbull, Neyo and their equine friend Nayer. You know whats coming, some twaddle about pictures on Kodak. But no, this is the version they play on Heart...
The version playlisted by Heart has none of Pitbull's vocals at all. Not even a hype word. Just Neyo and equine friend Nayer repeating the chorus over and over and over and over until your ears bleed. For three minutes anyway.
So there you have it, something more pointless than Pitbull - namely Pitbull without Pitbull.
Cue the awful synth chords that signal the intro of "Give Me Everything" by Pitbull, Neyo and their equine friend Nayer. You know whats coming, some twaddle about pictures on Kodak. But no, this is the version they play on Heart...
The version playlisted by Heart has none of Pitbull's vocals at all. Not even a hype word. Just Neyo and equine friend Nayer repeating the chorus over and over and over and over until your ears bleed. For three minutes anyway.
So there you have it, something more pointless than Pitbull - namely Pitbull without Pitbull.
Wednesday, 5 October 2011
Another ill thought out set of radio musings...
I've changed my listening habits again. Sorry, i should have warned you. Here is what currently floats my boat or sinks it. As i don't often cover it, i'll start with the commercials.
Absolute Radio 90s (DAB / Web).
If i can't find anything else that takes my fancy then this is normally a safe bet for a short stint. Anything longer than that and you get annoyed by the hourly Oasis or Radiohead track. Despite the "no repeat workday", you'll still get at least three or four records by a number of acts though this. Its purely a music thing for me, given that the station doesn't have a massive level of advertising and the station imaging, based entirely on Matt Berry's shouty persona is distinctive. To be honest, the DJs may as well not be there.
Jack FM, Bristol (106.5 FM / Web)
Jack replaced the AOR-based, silky smooth offering of Original, which despite its failure as a product was soon reincarnated as Smooth on 107.2 (itself replacing Star, the livelier offering). The playlist is a terrific mish-mash of guitar based pop and rock from the 60s to date, with uncomplicated imaging and rarely any live voices on air. There are no DJs as such during the daytime, the only live voices heard are occasional news bulletins.
As an aside, i regret that i didn't get in to Star in Bristol sooner. The station had its flaws (the level of advertising was horrific), but the presenters were lively and the music at least modern. I only discovered it when Sara Cox was sitting in for Scott Mills one afternoon and i couldn't bare listening to her self-absorbed waffle. I had intended to record a few hours of the afternoon drivetime show, but then started seeing posters for Smooth and next time i tuned in, the format had been flipped into the new feelgood schmaltz. It was a genuine loss, as the number of ILR stations broadcasting all genres of chart music is dwindling to barely any. You can't call Heart a modern music station as over 70% of the daytime playlist is now just the same, repetitive feelgood dreck. And while i'm complaining about generic ILRs...
Kiss 101, West / South Wales (101.0 FM / DAB / Web)
Kiss has now got to the point where it epitomises everything i hate about modern culture: Terrible, slurring presenters; Awful advertising where every other spot is for chlamydia testing; Playlists dominated by American artists. The playlists on Kiss actually give a good indication of how well the music team at Radio 1 deal with balancing their output, because the most tuneless ego-driven dirge can appear on Kiss at times, again driven by American R&B performers. When i hear some of the pointless smugness that the likes of Beyonce churn out, it really does depress me that it is the only station that seems to have any connection with the teenage market.
BBC Radio Bristol / Somerset (94.9 / 95.5 FM, DAB, Web)
I'm developing something of a love for the joint output of BBC Radio Bristol and Somerset. Admittedly there is still some dung on there that needs sorting out, but there are also some gems in there. Regular readers of this blog will know i'm a fan of Steve Yabsley (M-F 12-14:00) and his subversive anarchy, but we've now also got Elise Rayner on during the afternoons (M-F 14-16:00). After quite a period of instability following the disappearance then arrest of Peter Rowell, the dismal Anna Ford initially filled in and made the whole thing sound like a gardening phone-in. Ford was then replaced by supply jock of choice James Watt who did an excellent job. Elise Rayner has now taken over (perhaps permanently, but who knows in BBC Local Radio) and is doing a sterling job and has a suave interviewing style which gets the best out of her guests. Also of note on Bristol & Somerset is Richard Lewis on Sunday mornings (10-12:00), who delivers a light hearted excavation of his foibles of the week.
BBC Radio 1 - Matt Edmondson (Wednesday 21:00, also Podcast)
They did it very quietly and nobody seemed to notice, but the Radio 1 comedy hour is back on Wednesday nights. Matt Edmondson's show is a combination of sketches, interviews, production trickery and music. Some of it is quite juvenile, but that massively appeals to my sense of humour, especially seeing as nobody is doing anything like this anywhere else on the radio to my knowledge, especially given the level of work that must go on to prepare the show compared to a normal programme.
BBC Radio 2 - Simon Mayo (M-F 17-19:00, also Highlights Podcast)
I've recently got in to Simon Mayo's Radio 2 show, which seems to be a mixture of everything he's done for the BBC - from the frivolity of Radio 1 to the informed speech from Radio 5. Cobmine all this with a sideways take on the Radio 2 playlist and the show has a distinctive feel, crammed with entertainment. Terrific stuff.
BBC Radio 2 - Richard Allinson (Sat/Sun 03-06:00)
I love Richard Allinson's effortless presenting style and freeflowing programmes. Opinion on the internet seems to be split as to whether he is a hidden Radio 2 headliner or the incarnation of Alan Partridge, but i think there is a clear line between cheesiness and everyman affability, with Allinson falling clearly in the latter category.
For my money, Radio 2 is a collection of polar opposites with the awful (Chris Evans, Jeremy Vine's shouting shop, Steve Wright, Dermot o'Leary) and the sublime (Alex Lester, Ken Bruce, Richard Allinson, Miranda Hart & Jon Holmes, Simon Mayo). You have to think about who is on before pressing the preset...
BBC Radio London - Danny Baker (Mon-Fri 14-16:00)
I'm in something of a quandry over Danny Baker. His endless stream of creativity is superb and as an inventive radio presenter there are few who can hold a candle to him. The problem is that there are a couple of aspects of his personality that raise my ire considerably, particularly his oft aired view that if he was offered a job in the USA he'd take it in the blink of an eyelid. To me that demonstrates a high level of contempt for your audience. Also his appearance of Radio 4's Desert Island Discs was excessive in ego-stroking smugness. We know you're good and we know you're popular, but thats no reason to rub the noses of your audience in the glibness of their own existence. I think there has to be a point where even the most overblown radio jock has to demonstrate some humble humility. I've mentioned Baker's London show as it is a more open show than his Saturday morning gig on 5-Live and i think of it is a less constrained format.
Absolute Radio 90s (DAB / Web).
If i can't find anything else that takes my fancy then this is normally a safe bet for a short stint. Anything longer than that and you get annoyed by the hourly Oasis or Radiohead track. Despite the "no repeat workday", you'll still get at least three or four records by a number of acts though this. Its purely a music thing for me, given that the station doesn't have a massive level of advertising and the station imaging, based entirely on Matt Berry's shouty persona is distinctive. To be honest, the DJs may as well not be there.
Jack FM, Bristol (106.5 FM / Web)
Jack replaced the AOR-based, silky smooth offering of Original, which despite its failure as a product was soon reincarnated as Smooth on 107.2 (itself replacing Star, the livelier offering). The playlist is a terrific mish-mash of guitar based pop and rock from the 60s to date, with uncomplicated imaging and rarely any live voices on air. There are no DJs as such during the daytime, the only live voices heard are occasional news bulletins.
As an aside, i regret that i didn't get in to Star in Bristol sooner. The station had its flaws (the level of advertising was horrific), but the presenters were lively and the music at least modern. I only discovered it when Sara Cox was sitting in for Scott Mills one afternoon and i couldn't bare listening to her self-absorbed waffle. I had intended to record a few hours of the afternoon drivetime show, but then started seeing posters for Smooth and next time i tuned in, the format had been flipped into the new feelgood schmaltz. It was a genuine loss, as the number of ILR stations broadcasting all genres of chart music is dwindling to barely any. You can't call Heart a modern music station as over 70% of the daytime playlist is now just the same, repetitive feelgood dreck. And while i'm complaining about generic ILRs...
Kiss 101, West / South Wales (101.0 FM / DAB / Web)
Kiss has now got to the point where it epitomises everything i hate about modern culture: Terrible, slurring presenters; Awful advertising where every other spot is for chlamydia testing; Playlists dominated by American artists. The playlists on Kiss actually give a good indication of how well the music team at Radio 1 deal with balancing their output, because the most tuneless ego-driven dirge can appear on Kiss at times, again driven by American R&B performers. When i hear some of the pointless smugness that the likes of Beyonce churn out, it really does depress me that it is the only station that seems to have any connection with the teenage market.
BBC Radio Bristol / Somerset (94.9 / 95.5 FM, DAB, Web)
I'm developing something of a love for the joint output of BBC Radio Bristol and Somerset. Admittedly there is still some dung on there that needs sorting out, but there are also some gems in there. Regular readers of this blog will know i'm a fan of Steve Yabsley (M-F 12-14:00) and his subversive anarchy, but we've now also got Elise Rayner on during the afternoons (M-F 14-16:00). After quite a period of instability following the disappearance then arrest of Peter Rowell, the dismal Anna Ford initially filled in and made the whole thing sound like a gardening phone-in. Ford was then replaced by supply jock of choice James Watt who did an excellent job. Elise Rayner has now taken over (perhaps permanently, but who knows in BBC Local Radio) and is doing a sterling job and has a suave interviewing style which gets the best out of her guests. Also of note on Bristol & Somerset is Richard Lewis on Sunday mornings (10-12:00), who delivers a light hearted excavation of his foibles of the week.
BBC Radio 1 - Matt Edmondson (Wednesday 21:00, also Podcast)
They did it very quietly and nobody seemed to notice, but the Radio 1 comedy hour is back on Wednesday nights. Matt Edmondson's show is a combination of sketches, interviews, production trickery and music. Some of it is quite juvenile, but that massively appeals to my sense of humour, especially seeing as nobody is doing anything like this anywhere else on the radio to my knowledge, especially given the level of work that must go on to prepare the show compared to a normal programme.
BBC Radio 2 - Simon Mayo (M-F 17-19:00, also Highlights Podcast)
I've recently got in to Simon Mayo's Radio 2 show, which seems to be a mixture of everything he's done for the BBC - from the frivolity of Radio 1 to the informed speech from Radio 5. Cobmine all this with a sideways take on the Radio 2 playlist and the show has a distinctive feel, crammed with entertainment. Terrific stuff.
BBC Radio 2 - Richard Allinson (Sat/Sun 03-06:00)
I love Richard Allinson's effortless presenting style and freeflowing programmes. Opinion on the internet seems to be split as to whether he is a hidden Radio 2 headliner or the incarnation of Alan Partridge, but i think there is a clear line between cheesiness and everyman affability, with Allinson falling clearly in the latter category.
For my money, Radio 2 is a collection of polar opposites with the awful (Chris Evans, Jeremy Vine's shouting shop, Steve Wright, Dermot o'Leary) and the sublime (Alex Lester, Ken Bruce, Richard Allinson, Miranda Hart & Jon Holmes, Simon Mayo). You have to think about who is on before pressing the preset...
BBC Radio London - Danny Baker (Mon-Fri 14-16:00)
I'm in something of a quandry over Danny Baker. His endless stream of creativity is superb and as an inventive radio presenter there are few who can hold a candle to him. The problem is that there are a couple of aspects of his personality that raise my ire considerably, particularly his oft aired view that if he was offered a job in the USA he'd take it in the blink of an eyelid. To me that demonstrates a high level of contempt for your audience. Also his appearance of Radio 4's Desert Island Discs was excessive in ego-stroking smugness. We know you're good and we know you're popular, but thats no reason to rub the noses of your audience in the glibness of their own existence. I think there has to be a point where even the most overblown radio jock has to demonstrate some humble humility. I've mentioned Baker's London show as it is a more open show than his Saturday morning gig on 5-Live and i think of it is a less constrained format.
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