Apparently Apple have just launched some new gadget for idiots. Tablet computers (which have been around for over a decade) are the new hot shit on the block and as always, Apple have to rebrand them for a market ready to wet itself with excitement at something glossy. The media have widely reported the major shortcomings in the device itself (inability to multi-task, no support for Flash, fragile touch screen that will look awful after three months) and as always all the content available to the device is tied in to Apple's cash whore vending machine iTunes, but for a change, something else is irritating me...
You see, regularly spending a lot of my time in a major city centre is something which is becoming a more regular occurrence for me and the marketing campaign for the iPad has reached saturation. You can't pass a bus shelter without seeing some tedious activity being pictured, accompanied by some legs (in the obligatorily trendy Gap trousers or leggings) and feet (again, fashionable but bland ballet pumps or shitty daps you'd have laughed at eight years ago). One of these adverts in particular has jumped out at me - it contains a collection of photo albums with painfully aspirational covers - New York, Woodland Walk, Skiing, The Dog, yadda yadda. The pictures featured on the covers of these albums mostly feature children (presumably intended to be those of the user, and all painfully cutesy), with some featuring landmarks or landscapes. None of them feature the apparent user of the iPad. Perhaps they hate themselves too much for being sucked in by vacuous marketing.
So what conclusions can we draw from these observations? The Apple sanctioned, ideal iPad user is somebody who wears bland fashions, has a comfortable home life, takes lots of holidays and is probably spiritually completely unfulfilled and left empty by their existence. Meanwhile, i'm sat here writing this on my Samsung netbook which cost me about half of what an iPad would and does considerably more with no discernable disadvantage, but i'm obviously not aspirational enough to own one.
Monday, 7 June 2010
Sunday, 2 May 2010
Full of Glee
I don't get the Glee craze at all. Maybe its because i'm a geriatric man in my thirties who treats all youth culture with disdain and cynicism, but i think its more likely its because it is mind-bendingly awful. With the start of their second series, their latest move in cash-in marketing is to start doing terrible cover versions of Madonna songs, with plastic backing tracks and even more plastic stage school vocals. This follows two equally mind-numbing albums from the first series which featured songs by a variety of artists similarly murdered.
I think the biggest problem here is that it doesn't seem to be reaching saturation point, despite the fact they've knocked out three albums within six months and another will follow later this month. No other phenomenon has ever managed to flog this much shit in such a short time, which i think is an indication of how hype rather than substance is the most important factor to the iPod generation. Glee is a marketing system and nothing else - scripts are produced by battery farmed writers and filmed in a similar way, the TV show promotes the music that you can buy on iTunes as soon as its over, the DVD sets are released as soon as the series finishes and the idiots who are sucked in by it will go out and buy the hoodies, t-shirts, stationery and accessories that go with it. The whole thing just stinks of breeding a new generation of hyperconsumers.
I think the biggest problem here is that it doesn't seem to be reaching saturation point, despite the fact they've knocked out three albums within six months and another will follow later this month. No other phenomenon has ever managed to flog this much shit in such a short time, which i think is an indication of how hype rather than substance is the most important factor to the iPod generation. Glee is a marketing system and nothing else - scripts are produced by battery farmed writers and filmed in a similar way, the TV show promotes the music that you can buy on iTunes as soon as its over, the DVD sets are released as soon as the series finishes and the idiots who are sucked in by it will go out and buy the hoodies, t-shirts, stationery and accessories that go with it. The whole thing just stinks of breeding a new generation of hyperconsumers.
The Real Forced Jollity
Two years ago the NME delivered a review of the Guillemots second album Red. The lead single from it was Get Over It, which they accused of being an exercise in "forced jollity". Now i've always thought it was rather unfair and since lead singer Fyfe Dangerfield has released his solo material, it has gone some way to proving that the jollity was genuine.
Anyway, this review was recently brought back to my memory when i heard the new single by grime goons Roll Deep. Up to this point, Roll Deep's previous chart success had been two singles - The Avenue and Shake A Leg, both released in 2005 and neither of which set the world alight. Nevertheless, Roll Deep member Wiley was quite happy to quote them both as past achievements in his December 2009 single Take That.
Now obviously the grime scene has become massively commercialised since Dizzee Rascal realised he could make some serious cash from it and Roll Deep have been the latest act to capitalise with their weak-as-piss offering Good Times. Songs about clubbing and partying are two-a-penny at the moment, each seemingly less genuine than the last. If Kesha isn't telling us about how she parties until the "Po Po" shuts her down, then its the Black Eyed Peas are sounding bored whilst promoting alcoholism as a lifestyle.
Perhaps its because i'm more tuned in to British productions, but Roll Deep sound as if they're just milking this craze for all its worth. Any session music writer could manufacture this sort of junk, just throw in a few lines about clubbing, some about drinking, a few more about girls looking well fine, a chorus about having a great party and you've got a hit record. Any idiot can do it, and for the moment it looks like they are.
Anyway, this review was recently brought back to my memory when i heard the new single by grime goons Roll Deep. Up to this point, Roll Deep's previous chart success had been two singles - The Avenue and Shake A Leg, both released in 2005 and neither of which set the world alight. Nevertheless, Roll Deep member Wiley was quite happy to quote them both as past achievements in his December 2009 single Take That.
Now obviously the grime scene has become massively commercialised since Dizzee Rascal realised he could make some serious cash from it and Roll Deep have been the latest act to capitalise with their weak-as-piss offering Good Times. Songs about clubbing and partying are two-a-penny at the moment, each seemingly less genuine than the last. If Kesha isn't telling us about how she parties until the "Po Po" shuts her down, then its the Black Eyed Peas are sounding bored whilst promoting alcoholism as a lifestyle.
Perhaps its because i'm more tuned in to British productions, but Roll Deep sound as if they're just milking this craze for all its worth. Any session music writer could manufacture this sort of junk, just throw in a few lines about clubbing, some about drinking, a few more about girls looking well fine, a chorus about having a great party and you've got a hit record. Any idiot can do it, and for the moment it looks like they are.
Thursday, 8 April 2010
Pass the anti-depressants...
I'll start off being positive: I went to see dan le sac vs Scroobius Pip in Bristol a week or so back and they were brilliant. They certainly know how to run a superb show and make the crowd feel special. The support acts (B Dolan and Sound of Rum) were also brilliant. In particular, Kate Tempest off of Sound of Rum is one of the most capitvatingly intense performers i've ever seen and B Dolan is the perfect antidote to all the bullshit rap we get in the world about money, cars, females of poor morals and guns, even if he is quite a scary prospect in that boilersuit.
On to the reviews...
Jay-Z - On To The Next One (Roc Nation)
Now don't get me wrong, i like a bit of nightmarish music at times. Bodycrash by Buy Now is one of my favourite tunes ever and could quite happily be the soundtrack to a terrible dream where nothing makes any sense, but something is missing here. Jay-Z has barely any flow over this and the lyrics are piss poor by his standards. After a while the backing track (a perpetually looped choral chant of the title) gets irritating beyond words. Is this really the man that captivated Glastonbury's main stage being this lazy and derivative?
Gramaphonedzie - Why Don't You (Positiva)
Now this is interesting - a Serbian production duo take a remastered Peggy Lee track and give it a disjoined electronic makeover. Despite the massive reliance on the sample, it ironically sounds more original than 90% of the daytime radio output of the UK and would probably give the average listener to Heart a seizure. It'll be interesting to here if they (apparently Gramaphonedzie is a duo) can follow it up with something else similarly interesting. Best version doing the rounds has been aired several times on Chris Moyles' Radio 1 show which simply puts a minute and a half of the original track in the middle.
Ke$ha ft 3oh3 - Blah Blah Blah (RCA)
More autotune. More bleepy music. More drunken slurring. Awful.
Pixie Lott - Gravity (Mercury)
...is the same song as Jordin Sparks' "No Air". Except that Jordin Sparks can actually sing whereas this vile little turd of stage school detritis just sounds boring. I'm actually tempted to write a complete deconstruction of the Pixie Lott brand and album, but i've got better things to do with my time, like watching Total Wipeout and laughing as people fall in the water. Look! He fell in the water!
Gabriella Cilmi - On A Mission (Island)
Jesus. Where did this come from? A modern, high paced and punchy powerpop song (albeit with slightly tinny and unconvincing backing which sounds a bit like Van Halen's "Jump") from the girl who spent most of the year before last singing about how there is nothing sweet about her. Nothing sweet about her. Ye-aa-eh. Well, apparently she's now a woman on a mission and based on previous experience, i'm struggling to take it seriously.
Chiddy Bang - Opposite of Adults (Regal)
Factual review time: MGMT's "Kids" gets sampled badly for weak hip hop record.
Young Money featuring Lloyd - Bedrock (Cash Money)
Call him Mr Flintstone, he can make your bedrock. D'you see what he did there? Isn't it clever? Well actually, no it isn't. Its pathetic. This record only appeals to those with an IQ so low that you can count to it in single digit binary.
Lady Gaga ft Beyonce - Telephone (Interscrape)
Another bloody Lady Gaga song about a mobile? Really? Is there any need? And this is such a weak premise for a song. If somebody keeps phoning you and its irritating, TURN YOUR FUCKING PHONE OFF. Beyonce guests to sing about how somebody phoning you is a disaster. Disaster, eh? Must be something like a Haitian earthquake then, i'd guess. Get over your pathetic little selves, both of you.
On to the reviews...
Jay-Z - On To The Next One (Roc Nation)
Now don't get me wrong, i like a bit of nightmarish music at times. Bodycrash by Buy Now is one of my favourite tunes ever and could quite happily be the soundtrack to a terrible dream where nothing makes any sense, but something is missing here. Jay-Z has barely any flow over this and the lyrics are piss poor by his standards. After a while the backing track (a perpetually looped choral chant of the title) gets irritating beyond words. Is this really the man that captivated Glastonbury's main stage being this lazy and derivative?
Gramaphonedzie - Why Don't You (Positiva)
Now this is interesting - a Serbian production duo take a remastered Peggy Lee track and give it a disjoined electronic makeover. Despite the massive reliance on the sample, it ironically sounds more original than 90% of the daytime radio output of the UK and would probably give the average listener to Heart a seizure. It'll be interesting to here if they (apparently Gramaphonedzie is a duo) can follow it up with something else similarly interesting. Best version doing the rounds has been aired several times on Chris Moyles' Radio 1 show which simply puts a minute and a half of the original track in the middle.
Ke$ha ft 3oh3 - Blah Blah Blah (RCA)
More autotune. More bleepy music. More drunken slurring. Awful.
Pixie Lott - Gravity (Mercury)
...is the same song as Jordin Sparks' "No Air". Except that Jordin Sparks can actually sing whereas this vile little turd of stage school detritis just sounds boring. I'm actually tempted to write a complete deconstruction of the Pixie Lott brand and album, but i've got better things to do with my time, like watching Total Wipeout and laughing as people fall in the water. Look! He fell in the water!
Gabriella Cilmi - On A Mission (Island)
Jesus. Where did this come from? A modern, high paced and punchy powerpop song (albeit with slightly tinny and unconvincing backing which sounds a bit like Van Halen's "Jump") from the girl who spent most of the year before last singing about how there is nothing sweet about her. Nothing sweet about her. Ye-aa-eh. Well, apparently she's now a woman on a mission and based on previous experience, i'm struggling to take it seriously.
Chiddy Bang - Opposite of Adults (Regal)
Factual review time: MGMT's "Kids" gets sampled badly for weak hip hop record.
Young Money featuring Lloyd - Bedrock (Cash Money)
Call him Mr Flintstone, he can make your bedrock. D'you see what he did there? Isn't it clever? Well actually, no it isn't. Its pathetic. This record only appeals to those with an IQ so low that you can count to it in single digit binary.
Lady Gaga ft Beyonce - Telephone (Interscrape)
Another bloody Lady Gaga song about a mobile? Really? Is there any need? And this is such a weak premise for a song. If somebody keeps phoning you and its irritating, TURN YOUR FUCKING PHONE OFF. Beyonce guests to sing about how somebody phoning you is a disaster. Disaster, eh? Must be something like a Haitian earthquake then, i'd guess. Get over your pathetic little selves, both of you.
Thursday, 25 February 2010
And the sound of 2010 is... Paedo-pop
Loads of hype. Loads of excitement. Loads of DJs being paid to ignore their instinct and proclaim everything is brilliant. You could almost tell the BBC Sound of 2010 poll results were in.
But before we get to the winner, lets look at some of the other nominees...
Delphic are supposed to be the new prodigies in the "grumpy toddler band" market. Having performed one of the most bizarre interviews i've ever heard with the normally very adaptable Zane Lowe, they make epic soundscape indie and its rather dull.
Owl City didn't make the top five acts, which explains why the odd little bedroom cheese fest Fireflies went to number one shortly after the results were announced. Without doubt a one hit wonder, much like the Buggles who sound strangely familiar.
Marina and the Diamonds are the new Blondie. Not that we needed a new Blondie, particularly one that isn't quite as good and sounds a bit contrived. However, given the state of everything else that has been promoted, i can cope with them for now.
Everything Everything are possibly named after the Underworld live album of the same name, although i doubt it. Their description on the BBC's website is almost identical to that of Delphic and they sound like Maximo Park on a rainy Monday afternoon when Paul Smith has run out of biscuits.
Daisy Dares You are (or is) a 16 year old sixth former direct from stage school. But because she's a blonde and pretty 16 year old sixth former direct from stage school, she's apparently brilliant. Perhaps if her voice wasn't so squeaky and whiny, and her lyrics so trite and repetitive, there might be the makings of a vaguely decent act as the music isn't too bad when she shuts up. Just to irritate me even more, the omnipotent Chipmunk shows up on her debut mainstream single Number One Enemy to spout off about how Daisy's bout to taaaake off.
Now just in case Ms Daisy Dares You Coburn wasn't enough to get Gary Glitter all hot under the collar, we have this year's winner...
Ellie Goulding is 21 years old, blonde and has an odd shaped mouth. Unfortunately what comes from that mouth is a Bjork on helium-esque squeak which makes her sound about eight years old. Given that her records which have so far received airplay are about "all the boys before", "We're under the sheets, killing me" and "Next thing, we're touching", it all just sounds wrong to me. Very, very wrong. Of course, its all put together with barely any actual content, tons of autotune, even more production gimmicks and stupid sampling which makes it sound like Goulding actually is an eight year old with really bad ADHD.
Obviously actually writing songs wasn't a requirement for shortlisting in this year's poll, but sounding like jailbait was.
But before we get to the winner, lets look at some of the other nominees...
Delphic are supposed to be the new prodigies in the "grumpy toddler band" market. Having performed one of the most bizarre interviews i've ever heard with the normally very adaptable Zane Lowe, they make epic soundscape indie and its rather dull.
Owl City didn't make the top five acts, which explains why the odd little bedroom cheese fest Fireflies went to number one shortly after the results were announced. Without doubt a one hit wonder, much like the Buggles who sound strangely familiar.
Marina and the Diamonds are the new Blondie. Not that we needed a new Blondie, particularly one that isn't quite as good and sounds a bit contrived. However, given the state of everything else that has been promoted, i can cope with them for now.
Everything Everything are possibly named after the Underworld live album of the same name, although i doubt it. Their description on the BBC's website is almost identical to that of Delphic and they sound like Maximo Park on a rainy Monday afternoon when Paul Smith has run out of biscuits.
Daisy Dares You are (or is) a 16 year old sixth former direct from stage school. But because she's a blonde and pretty 16 year old sixth former direct from stage school, she's apparently brilliant. Perhaps if her voice wasn't so squeaky and whiny, and her lyrics so trite and repetitive, there might be the makings of a vaguely decent act as the music isn't too bad when she shuts up. Just to irritate me even more, the omnipotent Chipmunk shows up on her debut mainstream single Number One Enemy to spout off about how Daisy's bout to taaaake off.
Now just in case Ms Daisy Dares You Coburn wasn't enough to get Gary Glitter all hot under the collar, we have this year's winner...
Ellie Goulding is 21 years old, blonde and has an odd shaped mouth. Unfortunately what comes from that mouth is a Bjork on helium-esque squeak which makes her sound about eight years old. Given that her records which have so far received airplay are about "all the boys before", "We're under the sheets, killing me" and "Next thing, we're touching", it all just sounds wrong to me. Very, very wrong. Of course, its all put together with barely any actual content, tons of autotune, even more production gimmicks and stupid sampling which makes it sound like Goulding actually is an eight year old with really bad ADHD.
Obviously actually writing songs wasn't a requirement for shortlisting in this year's poll, but sounding like jailbait was.
Tuesday, 5 January 2010
THE TURDS ON A STICK for 2009
Right. I've been as positive as i can for a couple of hours of writing. Now for the other side of the coin.
WORST RECORD OF THE YEAR: Ke$ha - Tik Tok
This is now the most irritating record of the year, narrowly beating Ciara's "Love Sex Magic". I don't care if you woke up in the morning feeling like P Diddy. You clearly have an alcohol abuse problem which needs medical (or more likely psychiatric) care. In my book that isn't the basis for a record that twelve year olds will find more addictive than mobile phones caked in crack.
HEARTSINK ARTIST OF THE YEAR: Little Boots
This was a tightly contested category, a heartsink artist being one whose records prompt you to instantly turn the radio off. For me, Victoria Little Boots Hesketh was the one. Her brand of tedious electro-pop is so fake and contrived that it makes Joe McElderry look like a roadie for Megadeth. My ire was first raised by her during coverage of Glastonbury when she looked as if she'd rather be queueing for a burger than performing her four songs on stage. At the end, the interviewer was more interested in talking about her dress than the music, which said it all to me. Add to this that Remedy seemed to be played by every radio station in the country in its entirety (even by Kiss who always edit songs down to below two minutes so they can fit in more commercials) and you had the perfect recipe for a heartsink artist.
Runner up: La Roux for her inane choruses.
BIGGEST HEAD OF THE YEAR: Simon Cowell
OK, so its a bit of an obvious choice but hopefully Cowell learned from the Christmas Number One situation that he doesn't control the country, which hopefully will have put paid to his desire to make a "Politics X-Factor". It is easy to say things that idiots like, as is obvious by the stupidly large number of groups on Facebook that people will subscribe to on a knee-jerk whim, but that doesn't mean that politics should be the same. Politics should be about challenging the society we live in, in order to improve it, not saying something that makes the crowd whoop like morons.
WORST RADIO STATION OF THE YEAR: Heart
The rebranding exercise of Heart this year, taking over dozens of respected local commercial radio identities was a disaster. Their insistence on playing a bland, middle of the road playlist combined with z-list "big name" presenters and increased networked programming has been a recipe for falling listener numbers across the board.
WORST BROADCASTER OF THE YEAR: Sara Cox
I've tried to like Sara Cox. It'd make my life a hell of a lot easier if i did as she always seems to be subbing for somebody on Radio 1. But its no good, i can't get over her bigheaded, self obsessed manner which irritates me to hell. She pays no attention to the audience of her programmes, delivering the same dreck whether she's on Sunday morning, covering for Scott Mills or Fearne Cotton.
Runners up: Dev for being the worst local radio jock to get on to national radio since Emma Forbes. Nick Grimshaw for similar self-obsession to Cox. Jeremy Vine for being patronising. Steve Wright for delivering the same shit he's done for twenty years. Toby Anstiss for being the worst of Heart's z-listers.
MOST STUPID EARWORM OF THE YEAR: Lady Gaga - Bad Romance
For what is otherwise quite a good song, the ridiculous "Ga ga ra ra ra" intro which resurfaces several times during the three minute run just wrecks it completely in order to make it irresistable to toddlers and the mentally ill.
THE APPLE AWARD FOR SERVICES TO KILL THE MUSIC INDUSTRY: Jonathan Reuven Rotem
Who? You may ask. If you've heard any mainstream radio, you're bound to have heard some of his work. He specialises in making records which all sound the same and all have an irritating "J-j-j-jay-arr" stamped on them like a branding iron on the ass of a wild west bull. Not content with doing this, he's also started stamping the name of his production company (Beluga Heights) on some records as well. His shitology for 2009 includes JLS (Everybody in Love), autotune disaster area Jason Derulo (Whatcha Say) and most irritatingly of all Iyaz (Replay), all branded with his earworm which no doubt earns his royalties from each play. Along with similar producer-branding-freak Red One, i hope his shitifying* dreck falls from favour before 2010 gets properly underway and he can crawl back under whichever rock he came from.
* - with thanks to Charlie Brooker.
WORST RECORD OF THE YEAR: Ke$ha - Tik Tok
This is now the most irritating record of the year, narrowly beating Ciara's "Love Sex Magic". I don't care if you woke up in the morning feeling like P Diddy. You clearly have an alcohol abuse problem which needs medical (or more likely psychiatric) care. In my book that isn't the basis for a record that twelve year olds will find more addictive than mobile phones caked in crack.
HEARTSINK ARTIST OF THE YEAR: Little Boots
This was a tightly contested category, a heartsink artist being one whose records prompt you to instantly turn the radio off. For me, Victoria Little Boots Hesketh was the one. Her brand of tedious electro-pop is so fake and contrived that it makes Joe McElderry look like a roadie for Megadeth. My ire was first raised by her during coverage of Glastonbury when she looked as if she'd rather be queueing for a burger than performing her four songs on stage. At the end, the interviewer was more interested in talking about her dress than the music, which said it all to me. Add to this that Remedy seemed to be played by every radio station in the country in its entirety (even by Kiss who always edit songs down to below two minutes so they can fit in more commercials) and you had the perfect recipe for a heartsink artist.
Runner up: La Roux for her inane choruses.
BIGGEST HEAD OF THE YEAR: Simon Cowell
OK, so its a bit of an obvious choice but hopefully Cowell learned from the Christmas Number One situation that he doesn't control the country, which hopefully will have put paid to his desire to make a "Politics X-Factor". It is easy to say things that idiots like, as is obvious by the stupidly large number of groups on Facebook that people will subscribe to on a knee-jerk whim, but that doesn't mean that politics should be the same. Politics should be about challenging the society we live in, in order to improve it, not saying something that makes the crowd whoop like morons.
WORST RADIO STATION OF THE YEAR: Heart
The rebranding exercise of Heart this year, taking over dozens of respected local commercial radio identities was a disaster. Their insistence on playing a bland, middle of the road playlist combined with z-list "big name" presenters and increased networked programming has been a recipe for falling listener numbers across the board.
WORST BROADCASTER OF THE YEAR: Sara Cox
I've tried to like Sara Cox. It'd make my life a hell of a lot easier if i did as she always seems to be subbing for somebody on Radio 1. But its no good, i can't get over her bigheaded, self obsessed manner which irritates me to hell. She pays no attention to the audience of her programmes, delivering the same dreck whether she's on Sunday morning, covering for Scott Mills or Fearne Cotton.
Runners up: Dev for being the worst local radio jock to get on to national radio since Emma Forbes. Nick Grimshaw for similar self-obsession to Cox. Jeremy Vine for being patronising. Steve Wright for delivering the same shit he's done for twenty years. Toby Anstiss for being the worst of Heart's z-listers.
MOST STUPID EARWORM OF THE YEAR: Lady Gaga - Bad Romance
For what is otherwise quite a good song, the ridiculous "Ga ga ra ra ra" intro which resurfaces several times during the three minute run just wrecks it completely in order to make it irresistable to toddlers and the mentally ill.
THE APPLE AWARD FOR SERVICES TO KILL THE MUSIC INDUSTRY: Jonathan Reuven Rotem
Who? You may ask. If you've heard any mainstream radio, you're bound to have heard some of his work. He specialises in making records which all sound the same and all have an irritating "J-j-j-jay-arr" stamped on them like a branding iron on the ass of a wild west bull. Not content with doing this, he's also started stamping the name of his production company (Beluga Heights) on some records as well. His shitology for 2009 includes JLS (Everybody in Love), autotune disaster area Jason Derulo (Whatcha Say) and most irritatingly of all Iyaz (Replay), all branded with his earworm which no doubt earns his royalties from each play. Along with similar producer-branding-freak Red One, i hope his shitifying* dreck falls from favour before 2010 gets properly underway and he can crawl back under whichever rock he came from.
* - with thanks to Charlie Brooker.
THE JOPI AWARDS for 2009
Its that time of year when reviews of the one just gone are all the rage. Here we proudly present the Jopi Awards for 2009. As regular readers to this blog would expect, these are split between those commending the brilliant and those damning the terrible. We'll start with the positive...
SONG OF THE YEAR: Robbie Williams - Bodies
This was without doubt, the biggest moment i had this year with popular music. There are certain records that make you sit up and listen, or confuse you, or all of the above and this was one of them. Bodies is a superb song, a million miles from the mass produced R&B tedium with varying rhythms, distinct sections of the song, choirs, God botherer baiting lyrics, electronic bleeps and sweeping strings all within three minutes flat. Follow up single "You Know Me" found Williams back on more regular territory to keep the Radio 2 followers happy, but Bodies was the standout track from the Reality Killed The Video Star album.
Worthwhile mentions: Just Jack for Embers and The Day I Died.
SINGLE OF THE YEAR: Starsailor - Tell Me Its Not Over
Single of the Year is awarded to a brilliant song which came bundled with other wonderments on a variety of formats. Starsailor's criminally ignored anthem was backed up on the CD single with "In Their World", a terrific garage rock stomp which most bands would love to have as a lead single, let alone a B-side. The 7" featured the fine Ronnie Wood collaboration "All The Plans" and as part of my £3 bundle, i also received a download of a very acomplished acoustic version of the lead track. My only criticism would be that i'd prefer the four tracks on one CD single for £3, but that wouldn't get Starsailor three sales for the price of one now, would it?
Worthwhile mention: Florence and the Machine for producing a substantial series of CD singles from the "Lungs" album.
ALBUM OF THE YEAR: Phoenix - Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix
Phoenix are finally getting some recognition for their whimsical and distinctly European pop. Wolfgang deservedly gained them a lot of exposure both in the UK and the USA and in the true tradition of Sebastien Tellier and Daft Punk before them, tracks from the album are being snapped up for use on advertising. The album itself is a joyful experience from the opening of Lisztomania (perhaps its most immediate track) through to Armistice, it has the feel of a complete work rather than a collection of singles. In a year when there was so much hype over so little substance, this was head and shoulders above the opposition.
Worthwhile mention: Chris Moyles' Parody Album was very good, although perhaps the production overshadowed the passion that was felt in the originals made for radio.
RADIO STATION OF THE YEAR: Studio Brussel (Belgium)
Whilst i love Radio 1 for Chris Moyles, Scott Mills and Rob da Bank; Kiss 101 for Kisstory; Radio Bristol for Steve Yabsley and Radio 4 for their comedy output, the one radio station that has consisitently woken me up by playing something brilliant and unexpected is Belgium's Vlaamse wonder - Studio Brussel. Their playlist is a diverse mix of alternative, indie, electronica, rock and everything else in between, oh and Simple Minds. The presentation is snappy, the station imaging is clean and crisp and the music is superb. And that is before we get anywhere near the weekend evenings "Switch" strand which combines new, underground and classic electronic music into several exciting hours of programming.
As an added bonus, the station also put huge efforts into producing compilation CDs related to their programming for the relatively small Flemish market, just in case you get withdrawl from when away from Belgium or an internet connection.
Luister (Listen) Live at: http://www.stubru.be/
MUSIC RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: Alex Metric on Radio 1
Although Alex Metric's shows aren't a regular fixture on Radio 1, they are superbly compiled collections of the more mainstream parts of current electronica. Metric himself is a knowledgeable presenter, who clearly loves his subject matter without getting slurry and random enough to not be able to pronounce artist and song names properly (as Pete Tong often does). Whilst other specialist DJs have a far bigger following, Alex Metric's playlist bring his show head and shoulders above anything else on British radio.
Worthwhile mentions: Rob da Bank's Radio 1 show continues to be a superb listen, even if it is scheduled appallingly. Andy Howard's Morning Glory on BBC Radio Bristol and Somerset suffers similarly. As a one off show, Studio Brussel's The Greatest Switch was a phenomenal eight hours of programming.
FACTUAL RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: M1 - Modernist Marvel (John Hegley, BBC Radio 4)
John Hegley is an underappreciated gem of Great Britain and this half hour of whimsical stories, poetry and folk songs on the construction and birth of the M1 was the most beautiful chunk of broadcasting i heard this year. The show was remiscent of Sir John Betjeman's Metroland, combining the beauty of the theory with the grime of the reality although doing so in such a way which made the two seem almost interchangeable. Radio 4 excel in producing these one-off half hour long programmes which often make the listener wish they were much longer or part of a series.
SPORT RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: Danny Baker (BBC Five Live)
As somebody without a strong interest in football, Danny Baker's Pirate show with Izzy Clarke on Saturday mornings shouldn't appeal to me, but his strong presentation style and scattergun approach to topics are compelling listening. It possibly has something to do with the fact that the show doesn't revolve around football in a purist sense, but heads metaphorically off into the alleyways around the grounds, searching for the small stories that make the experience. In the later part of the year, the show notably spread to other sports (including several brilliant segments on Crazy Golf) which only served to spread its appeal even further.
Worthwhile mention: Fighting Talk follows Danny Baker's show on Saturday mornings and is also brilliant.
COMEDY RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: Bigipedia (Radio 4)
In the true spirit of brilliant radio comedies such as The Sunday Format (which transferred to TV as Broken News), Bigipedia mercilessly mocks Wikipedia and internet forums. Hearing the scrawlings of the internet transferred to a radio presentation shouldn't be funny at all, but the skilled team behind Bigipedia have made it hilariously funny.
Worthwhile mentions: Radio 4's Hut 33 continues to be entertaining, as was fantasy sitcom Elvenquest. Jack Dee is proving to be a worthy chairman on the newly invigourated I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue.
BROADCASTER OF THE YEAR: Steve Yabsley (BBC Radio Bristol / Somerset)
I've written many paragraphs on Steve Yabsley over the past year, but his show is so consistently entertaining that it is always a pleasure to listen to. With a skeleton staff at the Bristol studio, Yabbo manages to produce a well refined and highly creative product with more ideas going into each show than most local radio stations manage in a year. Producing over 200 shows a year clearly hasn't dented the inventive streak involved in the programme and it remains consistently brilliant.
Worthwhile mention: Mark "Chappers" Chapman, who bowed out of Radio 1 after many years of grumpy Mancunian service, and being a consistently entertaining voice of reason on the station. He will be much missed compared to the depressingly airheaded mixture of self-obsessed morons who seem to be taking over Radio 1. By my reckoning the last Chappers and Dave show aired in July 2009.
LIVE ACT OF THE YEAR: Phoenix
For many of the same reasons as why Phoenix's album was the best of the year, their live show is similarly brilliant. Their music stands up superbly live, with the band clearly loving their job and performing a tight yet joyous set with loads of energy, particularly in the rhythm section.
In terms of the set list, they play a mixture of their new album and the best known songs from their previous albums, basically something for anybody who has ever enjoyed the band's music.
Clearly the moody French stereotype doesn't apply here.
MUSIC RETAILER OF THE YEAR: Acorn Music, Yeovil
There are so few record shops in the vicinity of me now that this category isn't particularly heavily contested. Acorn in Yeovil remain the best pick of the bunch, striving to continue to provide a wide variety of music whilst diversifying a little in order to pay the bills (such as into sheet music).
Worthwhile mentions: Sound Knowledge, Marlborough is rammed full of competitively priced stock and the staff are (as would be expected) knowledgeable. Gatefield Sounds, Whitstable also remains busy whenever i have visited and has the feel of a proper old-school independent record shop.
HOPE FOR 2010...
I've heard lots of hype about these "Sound of 2010" lists, but i can't say that any of the music fills me with enthusiasm. Especially not weak rehashings of Blondie, eh Marina and the Diamonds? So my hope for the year ahead is that the Euro weakens against the pound, so that i can afford to go over to Belgium and stock up on Studio Brussel CDs that i haven't been able to buy this year. Or to Germany and buy a heap of albums that i've been waiting to get, but can't bring myself to spend getting on for £20 on by mail order.
SONG OF THE YEAR: Robbie Williams - Bodies
This was without doubt, the biggest moment i had this year with popular music. There are certain records that make you sit up and listen, or confuse you, or all of the above and this was one of them. Bodies is a superb song, a million miles from the mass produced R&B tedium with varying rhythms, distinct sections of the song, choirs, God botherer baiting lyrics, electronic bleeps and sweeping strings all within three minutes flat. Follow up single "You Know Me" found Williams back on more regular territory to keep the Radio 2 followers happy, but Bodies was the standout track from the Reality Killed The Video Star album.
Worthwhile mentions: Just Jack for Embers and The Day I Died.
SINGLE OF THE YEAR: Starsailor - Tell Me Its Not Over
Single of the Year is awarded to a brilliant song which came bundled with other wonderments on a variety of formats. Starsailor's criminally ignored anthem was backed up on the CD single with "In Their World", a terrific garage rock stomp which most bands would love to have as a lead single, let alone a B-side. The 7" featured the fine Ronnie Wood collaboration "All The Plans" and as part of my £3 bundle, i also received a download of a very acomplished acoustic version of the lead track. My only criticism would be that i'd prefer the four tracks on one CD single for £3, but that wouldn't get Starsailor three sales for the price of one now, would it?
Worthwhile mention: Florence and the Machine for producing a substantial series of CD singles from the "Lungs" album.
ALBUM OF THE YEAR: Phoenix - Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix
Phoenix are finally getting some recognition for their whimsical and distinctly European pop. Wolfgang deservedly gained them a lot of exposure both in the UK and the USA and in the true tradition of Sebastien Tellier and Daft Punk before them, tracks from the album are being snapped up for use on advertising. The album itself is a joyful experience from the opening of Lisztomania (perhaps its most immediate track) through to Armistice, it has the feel of a complete work rather than a collection of singles. In a year when there was so much hype over so little substance, this was head and shoulders above the opposition.
Worthwhile mention: Chris Moyles' Parody Album was very good, although perhaps the production overshadowed the passion that was felt in the originals made for radio.
RADIO STATION OF THE YEAR: Studio Brussel (Belgium)
Whilst i love Radio 1 for Chris Moyles, Scott Mills and Rob da Bank; Kiss 101 for Kisstory; Radio Bristol for Steve Yabsley and Radio 4 for their comedy output, the one radio station that has consisitently woken me up by playing something brilliant and unexpected is Belgium's Vlaamse wonder - Studio Brussel. Their playlist is a diverse mix of alternative, indie, electronica, rock and everything else in between, oh and Simple Minds. The presentation is snappy, the station imaging is clean and crisp and the music is superb. And that is before we get anywhere near the weekend evenings "Switch" strand which combines new, underground and classic electronic music into several exciting hours of programming.
As an added bonus, the station also put huge efforts into producing compilation CDs related to their programming for the relatively small Flemish market, just in case you get withdrawl from when away from Belgium or an internet connection.
Luister (Listen) Live at: http://www.stubru.be/
MUSIC RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: Alex Metric on Radio 1
Although Alex Metric's shows aren't a regular fixture on Radio 1, they are superbly compiled collections of the more mainstream parts of current electronica. Metric himself is a knowledgeable presenter, who clearly loves his subject matter without getting slurry and random enough to not be able to pronounce artist and song names properly (as Pete Tong often does). Whilst other specialist DJs have a far bigger following, Alex Metric's playlist bring his show head and shoulders above anything else on British radio.
Worthwhile mentions: Rob da Bank's Radio 1 show continues to be a superb listen, even if it is scheduled appallingly. Andy Howard's Morning Glory on BBC Radio Bristol and Somerset suffers similarly. As a one off show, Studio Brussel's The Greatest Switch was a phenomenal eight hours of programming.
FACTUAL RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: M1 - Modernist Marvel (John Hegley, BBC Radio 4)
John Hegley is an underappreciated gem of Great Britain and this half hour of whimsical stories, poetry and folk songs on the construction and birth of the M1 was the most beautiful chunk of broadcasting i heard this year. The show was remiscent of Sir John Betjeman's Metroland, combining the beauty of the theory with the grime of the reality although doing so in such a way which made the two seem almost interchangeable. Radio 4 excel in producing these one-off half hour long programmes which often make the listener wish they were much longer or part of a series.
SPORT RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: Danny Baker (BBC Five Live)
As somebody without a strong interest in football, Danny Baker's Pirate show with Izzy Clarke on Saturday mornings shouldn't appeal to me, but his strong presentation style and scattergun approach to topics are compelling listening. It possibly has something to do with the fact that the show doesn't revolve around football in a purist sense, but heads metaphorically off into the alleyways around the grounds, searching for the small stories that make the experience. In the later part of the year, the show notably spread to other sports (including several brilliant segments on Crazy Golf) which only served to spread its appeal even further.
Worthwhile mention: Fighting Talk follows Danny Baker's show on Saturday mornings and is also brilliant.
COMEDY RADIO SHOW OF THE YEAR: Bigipedia (Radio 4)
In the true spirit of brilliant radio comedies such as The Sunday Format (which transferred to TV as Broken News), Bigipedia mercilessly mocks Wikipedia and internet forums. Hearing the scrawlings of the internet transferred to a radio presentation shouldn't be funny at all, but the skilled team behind Bigipedia have made it hilariously funny.
Worthwhile mentions: Radio 4's Hut 33 continues to be entertaining, as was fantasy sitcom Elvenquest. Jack Dee is proving to be a worthy chairman on the newly invigourated I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue.
BROADCASTER OF THE YEAR: Steve Yabsley (BBC Radio Bristol / Somerset)
I've written many paragraphs on Steve Yabsley over the past year, but his show is so consistently entertaining that it is always a pleasure to listen to. With a skeleton staff at the Bristol studio, Yabbo manages to produce a well refined and highly creative product with more ideas going into each show than most local radio stations manage in a year. Producing over 200 shows a year clearly hasn't dented the inventive streak involved in the programme and it remains consistently brilliant.
Worthwhile mention: Mark "Chappers" Chapman, who bowed out of Radio 1 after many years of grumpy Mancunian service, and being a consistently entertaining voice of reason on the station. He will be much missed compared to the depressingly airheaded mixture of self-obsessed morons who seem to be taking over Radio 1. By my reckoning the last Chappers and Dave show aired in July 2009.
LIVE ACT OF THE YEAR: Phoenix
For many of the same reasons as why Phoenix's album was the best of the year, their live show is similarly brilliant. Their music stands up superbly live, with the band clearly loving their job and performing a tight yet joyous set with loads of energy, particularly in the rhythm section.
In terms of the set list, they play a mixture of their new album and the best known songs from their previous albums, basically something for anybody who has ever enjoyed the band's music.
Clearly the moody French stereotype doesn't apply here.
MUSIC RETAILER OF THE YEAR: Acorn Music, Yeovil
There are so few record shops in the vicinity of me now that this category isn't particularly heavily contested. Acorn in Yeovil remain the best pick of the bunch, striving to continue to provide a wide variety of music whilst diversifying a little in order to pay the bills (such as into sheet music).
Worthwhile mentions: Sound Knowledge, Marlborough is rammed full of competitively priced stock and the staff are (as would be expected) knowledgeable. Gatefield Sounds, Whitstable also remains busy whenever i have visited and has the feel of a proper old-school independent record shop.
HOPE FOR 2010...
I've heard lots of hype about these "Sound of 2010" lists, but i can't say that any of the music fills me with enthusiasm. Especially not weak rehashings of Blondie, eh Marina and the Diamonds? So my hope for the year ahead is that the Euro weakens against the pound, so that i can afford to go over to Belgium and stock up on Studio Brussel CDs that i haven't been able to buy this year. Or to Germany and buy a heap of albums that i've been waiting to get, but can't bring myself to spend getting on for £20 on by mail order.
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